everyone's caught onto everything you do.

[andwesink]

i never write in this thing anymore. maybe for a lack of caring. maybe for a lack of having anything interesting to say. i'm probably getting a new job. that is both so exciting and abolutely horrifying. i'm watching celebrity rehab. you know what all i can think of is? how much i've come to resent alcohol. and drinking in general. i hate what it does to my friends. i hate that i hate my friends when they're drunk. friends are your friends because you enjoy their company. i can't say that i truly enjoy any of my friends when they're drunk. especially if i'm not. i don't feel like alcohol changes me so much as a person, but the fact that me drinking enables other people to do it that obviously shouldn't be, makes me feel like shit for doing it in the first place. it's not the same as when we were younger. we don't drink to feel a buzz and laugh and walk around to enjoy the weather and eachother's company. we drink to black out and try to forget about our real lives. nothing is care free anymore. i can't remember the last time i had a good night involving alcohol and my friends. there's always something and someone. always a problem and an outburst. spiraling out of control. i'll be staying in for awhile. i need to miss some people, i think, and maybe they need to miss me too. because i'm a people person. i love people. but lately i don't love anyone. i've been pushed to my limits and i've been taken advantage of. i know i say it a lot, but i wish i was sixteen again. the list of reasons why just keeps getting longer and longer.

"i hope this song starts a craze.
the kind of song that ignites the airwaves.
the kind of song that makes people glad to be wherever they are,
with whoever they're there with."