Will My Arms Be Strong Enough 10/45
Title: Will My Arms Be Strong Enough? 10/45
Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys...and others!
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Gwen, Rhys, John Hart, two OC's, Andrea (Andie) Carlowe and Nick Jones.
Spoilers: Set after Exit Wounds.
Summary: What will Jack do?
Okay, I'm done being mean to Ianto! But don't take this to mean I won't be being mean any more - this is me after all!
***
Chapter 10
The silence that followed Nick’s words was almost deafening in its intensity. Nick was standing at the top of the stairs, looking happier than Ianto had seen him for almost five years. Actually, thinking about it, that was probably the first proper smile he had seen on his cousin’s face since Estelle’s birth. But he hadn’t looked like this since…well, since his wedding day, really.
Just then, for one moment, Ianto found himself hating Jack, knowing that the older man was about to break his cousin’s heart. But he pushed that thought away the moment he became aware of it. After all, none of what had happened was Jack’s fault and he was doing everything possible to ensure that all of those people, Alison Jones included, were kept safe and were well-cared for.
In the middle of the staircase, Jack was watching Nick, his face almost passive, except for the tiny occasional grimace. Quietly, Ianto shifted slightly to the right, waiting to catch his lover’s eye. His heart almost broke when he saw the haunted look in Jack’s bright blue eyes and, with a small smile, he gave him a tiny nod, just to let him know that he was doing the right thing.
Jack gave him a tremulous smile before he spoke. “We’ll do everything we can, Nick,” he assured him. “I promise we’ll do everything we can - but you’ve got to know that…”
“Jack, she’s alive, I know she is. I don’t know where she is, but I know she’s alive.”
“And I’ll do everything in my power to find her. We all will, but we need you to be able to do your job, all right? So, just leave finding her to me and…well, keep doing what you do.” He clapped the young man on the shoulder as he returned to his office.
Nick stood where he was for a few seconds before he walked down the stairs, sat down beside John and gripped his hand. “I knew she was alive,” he whispered. “Or, at least, I never really believed she was dead.”
John nodded and forced a smile. “I’m really happy for you,” he said, hoping that his voice didn’t break. “You deserve to be happy.”
Nick smiled at him. “I…also wanted to say thank you, for everything. You’ve been really good to me and I want you to know - if there’s anything you need, you can always come to me.”
John forced himself not to swallow as he looked into those hazel eyes. He wanted to speak, to thank him, but the words wouldn’t come, so he contented himself with a smile, hoping it concealed his true feelings.
Nick grinned back at him, seemingly oblivious and then went down to the autopsy bay, leaving behind two intrigued women and, though he didn’t know it, one distraught former Time Agent.
~*~
“He’s got a right to know,” John said, quietly but firmly. “You know that. If it was your wife…if it was Gwen…or Ianto -”
“Don’t!” hissed Jack. “Don’t you dare say a thing like that!”
“If it was Ianto,” pressed John, ignoring this. “Wouldn’t you want to know that he was safe - and that he was alive?”
For a second, Jack actually seemed to think about it before the shutters came down again. “And go and see him, knowing that there was nothing I could do for him?” he asked. “No. Nick’s going to see enough shit here; there’s no need to put him through this.”
“Jack -“
“No.” Jack turned away. “After what happened last time, I told myself I would never do this again.”
“But this time it’s different,” protested John. “Listen, Jack, you know that I agree with you about what happened with Gwen and that she shouldn’t have pushed you about Jonah. But this isn’t the same; this is Nick’s wife we’re talking about. You saw how happy he was earlier; he thinks there’s still a chance that she’s alive. We know the truth, Jack. If we tell him -”
“We could destroy him.” Jack cut across him. “We could ruin everything we’ve done to help him heal. I didn’t see it at first, but Ianto did - working in that hospital and dealing with Alison was slowly killing him. We got him out while there was still a chance. If we go telling him what happened…we might not be so lucky. Nick is a strong man, but…after everything he’s been through - this could break him.”
He turned back. “And I’d have thought that you, of all people, would be on my side here.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Oh, come on, John. Don’t think I haven’t noticed the way you’ve been watching him and taking him home every time you get the chance.”
“What?”
“I saw that look on your face at the funeral. I know you didn’t think I was watching you, but I saw it. When he went up with Ianto, you…” he paused and then changed tack, speaking much more quietly this time. “John, I know why you actually agreed to come to the funeral…and it wasn’t to prevent any incidents.”
He waved away John’s half-formed protests. “Don’t try and deny it. We both know it’s true.”
“I wasn’t going to try and deny it,” answered John. “I just thought that…after everything that happened with us, you would know me better than to think that I would let my feelings for Nick stop me from telling him the truth about the woman he loves.”
“Well, why wouldn’t they? Think about it. With Alison safely out of the way, and Nick thinking that she’s dead, you’re free to pursue him. Isn’t that what you want?”
John looked horrified. “After all that’s happened…is that really how you see me?”
“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t. I know you’ve changed in some ways, but I don’t -”
“Jack! I admit it, in years gone by, I would have agreed with you without a second thought. Two years ago, if this had happened, I would have let Nick think that she was dead and then gone for him! I was selfish enough to do that, and I’m not ashamed to admit that.”
He paused for breath. “And the reason why I’m not ashamed to admit it is because I’m not that man any more. Hell, twenty years ago, you would have slept with anything that moves. But you’re not that man any more. Is it so inconceivable that I might have changed too?”
“No, but -”
“Jack, if there’s one thing that seeing you and Ianto happy together has taught me, it’s that…you have to do what’s right, rather than what’s easy, if you want to help people. And sometimes,” he paused and looked down towards where Ianto and Nick were talking, “that means you’ve got to let them go.”
He reached out and touched Jack’s arm. “Jack, Nick is so strong. I know he looks shy and vulnerable, but underneath he’s…he’s just so resilient. He can get through this, I know he can. It will affect him, but, if he’s got people who…” he couldn’t say the word, “care about him by his side, he’ll survive.”
Jack rubbed his face. “I know Nick’s strong, otherwise I’d never have recruited him. But this is different. This is really serious, John. Look, I hear what you’re saying and I do understand what you mean. Believe me, I do. But for the sake of Nick’s life, this is the only way forwards. You and I both know what a bad state Alison’s in, much worse than the others. Not seeing her husband or children for the rest of her life will destroy her and I am sorry for that. But letting Nick know that she’s alive will mean he’ll want to see her again. Can you imagine what he’ll think when he does? He’ll be devastated and that will make things worse for Alison.”
“Jack -”
“No. It’s for both their sakes, John. You can’t say anything to Nick. That’s an order.”
~*~
Ianto rubbed his eyes as the coffee machine whistled and hissed in front of him. His head was absolutely killing him and he silently resolved to never drink again. Still, at least the coffee he made could actually cure any hangover.
He smiled slightly as he picked up the cup, breathing in the heady scent of the fresh coffee beans. “Oh, that’s better,” he whispered, feeling the steam start to clear his head already.
“Your coffee always could cure anyone’s hangover,” said a voice from the doorway. Ianto jumped and turned to find Nick watching him, his eyes filled with amusement.
“How long have you been there?” he asked, more out of surprise than hostility.
“Long enough to know a killer hangover when I see one,” answered Nick with a wry laugh. “How much did you drink yesterday?”
“A lot more than I should have,” muttered Ianto as he took a swallow of the hot liquid and gathered his courage. “Nick, I said and did a lot of things I shouldn’t have done yesterday…and I’m sorry. You’re practically my brother and I just went and treated you like…” but he didn’t get any further, because Nick came up and wrapped him in a hug.
“Shh,” he said softly, stroking his cousin’s hair. “It’s all right, I understand. And, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry too. All day, I thought that…I thought you didn’t care…you just looked so cold. I was so wrong, Ianto…so wrong.”
Impulsively, Ianto pressed a firm kiss to Nick’s forehead. “I wasn’t thinking straight yesterday,” he whispered. “But today…when I woke up…God, I thought I’d lost you.”
“Never,” Nick shook his head firmly, “never. You’re my best friend, Ianto - and my brother.” He pulled away and took Ianto’s face in his hands. Something upstairs had caught his eye. “Now…go and talk to Jack, yeah? He needs you.”
Ianto looked confused, but nodded and pulled away from Nick, pausing only to squeeze his shoulder before he went up the stairs. He smiled vaguely at John, who was passing the other way, but gasped in shock when he realised that the man had tears in his eyes.
“John!” he exclaimed, trying to catch his arm. “Are you okay?” He had never seen Jack’s former partner close to tears before and it scared him more than he thought possible. But John didn’t even look at him; instead he just ran down the stairs and out of sight.
Ianto frowned, but when he opened the door to the office, the sight in front of him blew any thoughts of John out of his mind. Jack was slumped at his desk, his fists clenched over a bundle of notes and sobbing his heart out.
Ianto didn’t need to look at the notes to know whose they were, but he ran straight up and pulled Jack into a hug, rocking him gently and kissing away the tears, desperately reassuring his lover that he was doing the right thing.
~*~
John flopped into a chair opposite the computer screen, trying hard not to scowl as he angrily brushed at his eyes. It was bad enough that Ianto had seen him in such a state, but now Jack was ordering him to lie to the man who had become so important to him…the man he might…
“Shit,” he growled, glaring at the computer screen as if it had all the answers but refused to share them with him.
“You know, don’t you? You know that she’s alive.”
He jumped at the voice and whipped round, instinctively drawing his gun. But he hastily replaced it when he realised that it was only Nick…although the young man looked dead serious.
He sat down next to him and looked him straight in the eyes. “You know where she is, John. Take me there.”
“Nick, I -”
"Take me there,” repeated Nick. “Please.”
***
Next Time: Will John agree to Nick’s request? What does John know? And what will the consequences be?.