I'm 27... and I'm Divorced
Things I can't put anywhere else but in a journal...
Its not that I don't love you. I'm not in love with you... and although you don't believe me, that makes me sad too. But unfortunately, there are some things that people can't get over. I'm not going to be able to get over the lack of trust... and how you intentionally hurt me just to get a reaction. How petty and spiteful. You had to control everything I did. I don't even think you know that you do that. And no matter how much you attest otherwise, you will never get over the way I have behaved the past few months. Its not that I wanted to hurt you.... ever. But more that I couldn't stay locked up any longer.
You complain about how I never wrote about you... Well, I unlocked everything. You're welcome to count the number of times I did write about you... even though you told me you didn't want me to write anymore. Please feel free to count this as number one.
I miss you sometimes... not the fighting or manipulation, but you as my best friend... The you I could talk to about my day, the you I would go to World Market and Petland with, the you that would laugh like crazy at the smallest thing - so much so that it would make me laugh.
I don't miss the you that told me you were sick of me on my birthday and the you that said "maybe we should get divorced" just so I would cry and do whatever you wanted to fix things. That's not the way people who are in love behave - no matter how much you want to tell me you're still in love.
I can tell you're growing up already. I know that's not what you want to hear, but this is the first time you've been forced to do so. And you can take it all out on me if you really feel you need to... but to only see your son for 6 hours in two weeks, I honestly don't get it. He's the most wonderful human being on this earth and you act as though he's a burden. You're his Daddy. No one can ever replace that, and you act as though you're willing to throw it all away just because you're angry with me. Sometimes things are bigger than you and me... Your obligation to be a father to your child is one.
I really want the best for you. And even through all of this I still love you...
Goodbye
Its not that I don't love you. I'm not in love with you... and although you don't believe me, that makes me sad too. But unfortunately, there are some things that people can't get over. I'm not going to be able to get over the lack of trust... and how you intentionally hurt me just to get a reaction. How petty and spiteful. You had to control everything I did. I don't even think you know that you do that. And no matter how much you attest otherwise, you will never get over the way I have behaved the past few months. Its not that I wanted to hurt you.... ever. But more that I couldn't stay locked up any longer.
You complain about how I never wrote about you... Well, I unlocked everything. You're welcome to count the number of times I did write about you... even though you told me you didn't want me to write anymore. Please feel free to count this as number one.
I miss you sometimes... not the fighting or manipulation, but you as my best friend... The you I could talk to about my day, the you I would go to World Market and Petland with, the you that would laugh like crazy at the smallest thing - so much so that it would make me laugh.
I don't miss the you that told me you were sick of me on my birthday and the you that said "maybe we should get divorced" just so I would cry and do whatever you wanted to fix things. That's not the way people who are in love behave - no matter how much you want to tell me you're still in love.
I can tell you're growing up already. I know that's not what you want to hear, but this is the first time you've been forced to do so. And you can take it all out on me if you really feel you need to... but to only see your son for 6 hours in two weeks, I honestly don't get it. He's the most wonderful human being on this earth and you act as though he's a burden. You're his Daddy. No one can ever replace that, and you act as though you're willing to throw it all away just because you're angry with me. Sometimes things are bigger than you and me... Your obligation to be a father to your child is one.
I really want the best for you. And even through all of this I still love you...
Goodbye