(no subject)
It's offical I have lost my mind. Keeping everything inside, turns out, isn't helping me. It's simply breaking me. I learned that at 2:00AM, on the sidewalk of Mary Alexander last night. I've also freaked my brother out about it, unintentionally. I asked him whether or not it would worry mom if I asked for her to find me a therapist in Charlotte. He says yes, but I should do it if I need to. Then, he asks why I want one. and I told him "Doug, basically." Then he gets upset because apparently it's not noticeable that I'm not okay, and he wants me to go to him. This is exactly why I didn't want my family to get involved with my emotions. I do need one. I have no one in my life anymore that makes me comfortable enough to talk about it all. I don't mean life since Decemeber, I mean life since I was 4. I've surpressed so much for so long. I am wearing out. These episodes I have in the middle of the night are getting me no where. The guilt, anger and depression isn't getting me where I should be in life. I really wish I had someone to talk to that I didn't have to pay. But for some reason, out of all the people I love in my life, no one seems like the right person. No one seems safe with all this. I trust people, especially those close to me, but it's just not right. There is just too much. And certainly too much to handle.