[ben wyatt voice] good lord
i locked myself out of FULLY THREE social networks (tumblr, twitter, facebook) for 24 hours starting at about 5 pm
and after fucking around in Terminal for a while it STILL won't let me in (the app is smart), so i have resorted to posting here
ah, livejournal, we meet again. here are some CRUCIAL things:
MY POWERS AREN'T WORKING
LET ME SLIP INTO A MORE COMFORTABLE NARRATIVE
IT'S NOT WORKING!!!!
i was like "i'm Not going to go down the dysphoria path w/ toby ziegler heck no" but then he went to TEMPLE and i was like "that ship sailed"
funfact! what is it like to have a gendersexuality that is NOT dependent on precise alignments of fictional characters and synergy and timing and the ENERGIES OF THE UNIVERSE?!? how am i supposed to EXIST
i haven't been this shitty a human since college, probably
i'm good, don't worry, i just have a headache and i've been living on sugary cereal and other non-recommended foodstuffs for a few days now and i'm drinking INSTANT COFFEE at 2 in the morning to try and alleviate this Pain and i've had the phrase "berkeley shiksa feminista" repeating in my head for the last SIX HOURS MINIMUM, you try putting up with that
toby ziegler.
i was in soph's cj/toby tag and it was HELL, thanks for that soph, but i don't know where to insert myself! i don't know how! i identify as THE ENTIRE WEST WING.
also worth noting that i suppose if i was ever going to get around to Processing the fact that i've apparently decided to actually acknowledge the fact that i'm jewish, HOLY CLAUSES BATMAN, I was going to need Jews On TV
which is fucking. so predictable. they showed toby at temple and i went (*&#^*&@#^$*#&!^%$. some of us are in the remedial social stories class
Mind Puzzle: i tend to think if i were amab i would still be a woman. albeit. it would probably take me forty years to get to it instead of 20. and i do not envy that alternate self. HOWEVER it is also possible that i would be toby ziegler. he has a fucking beard
he has a fucking BEARD. you called me paranoid and a nudnik. you called me a PARANOID NUDNIK
I don't want to deal with this as a Representation Issue because frankly i think talking about anti-semitism when you're assimilated ashkenazi in the U.S. is not on the Level of some other things, you know? like sure rogue neonazis are apt to kill us but the police aren't. there's. a fundamental difference there. also like if you watch SNL, thirty years ago there wasn't? if you watch harold & kumar the Jew is a different class a different species a different race but that. we're not talking about me here. we're not talking about A Radical Need To See Ourselves In The Media
i guess because the new york shows always used to be FULL of jews, realistically, even though they were full of white people, unrealistically
now they are literally full of white goyim and it's like. congrat. i didn't think you could get MORE unrealistic BUT YOU DID
IT'S TRULY AN INCREDIBLE ADVANCEMENT
ANYHOW
**** except brooklyn nine nine kudos to brooklyn nine nine for being the best
Anyhow my point is i don't Wanna have to filter this as a category, along with all the others, i don't wanna feel Conflicted when leslie knope is blonde and wholesome and otherwise fills, a void, in my heart, and Jamm comes along and is like a fucking ferengi only not sympathetically portrayed and i feel like i am being RENT IN TWO. I don't wanna have to deal w/ that disconnect along with all the others
and then Toby Ziegler
and we're back to shelving gender in the back because apparently i need to be jewish more than i need to be a woman right now?? that's not. how it works. meda.
Toby doesn't really give off a gendervibe overall he could easily be a woman or like a they or w/e. Or, or it could not MATTER. you know? there's not a HUGE PULL away from inserting myself --
another problem is that i'm also more inclined to identify with CJ than to be attracted to her --
another problem is i need that synergy, need the narrative to line up, the id-character, the subject-of-desire-character, all that and a swing and a miss and it's once in a blue moon i get to line up
with my own
fucking body
this is a little evolutionarily unwieldy don't you think mr. president
and after fucking around in Terminal for a while it STILL won't let me in (the app is smart), so i have resorted to posting here
ah, livejournal, we meet again. here are some CRUCIAL things:
MY POWERS AREN'T WORKING
LET ME SLIP INTO A MORE COMFORTABLE NARRATIVE
IT'S NOT WORKING!!!!
i was like "i'm Not going to go down the dysphoria path w/ toby ziegler heck no" but then he went to TEMPLE and i was like "that ship sailed"
funfact! what is it like to have a gendersexuality that is NOT dependent on precise alignments of fictional characters and synergy and timing and the ENERGIES OF THE UNIVERSE?!? how am i supposed to EXIST
i haven't been this shitty a human since college, probably
i'm good, don't worry, i just have a headache and i've been living on sugary cereal and other non-recommended foodstuffs for a few days now and i'm drinking INSTANT COFFEE at 2 in the morning to try and alleviate this Pain and i've had the phrase "berkeley shiksa feminista" repeating in my head for the last SIX HOURS MINIMUM, you try putting up with that
toby ziegler.
i was in soph's cj/toby tag and it was HELL, thanks for that soph, but i don't know where to insert myself! i don't know how! i identify as THE ENTIRE WEST WING.
also worth noting that i suppose if i was ever going to get around to Processing the fact that i've apparently decided to actually acknowledge the fact that i'm jewish, HOLY CLAUSES BATMAN, I was going to need Jews On TV
which is fucking. so predictable. they showed toby at temple and i went (*&#^*&@#^$*#&!^%$. some of us are in the remedial social stories class
Mind Puzzle: i tend to think if i were amab i would still be a woman. albeit. it would probably take me forty years to get to it instead of 20. and i do not envy that alternate self. HOWEVER it is also possible that i would be toby ziegler. he has a fucking beard
he has a fucking BEARD. you called me paranoid and a nudnik. you called me a PARANOID NUDNIK
I don't want to deal with this as a Representation Issue because frankly i think talking about anti-semitism when you're assimilated ashkenazi in the U.S. is not on the Level of some other things, you know? like sure rogue neonazis are apt to kill us but the police aren't. there's. a fundamental difference there. also like if you watch SNL, thirty years ago there wasn't? if you watch harold & kumar the Jew is a different class a different species a different race but that. we're not talking about me here. we're not talking about A Radical Need To See Ourselves In The Media
i guess because the new york shows always used to be FULL of jews, realistically, even though they were full of white people, unrealistically
now they are literally full of white goyim and it's like. congrat. i didn't think you could get MORE unrealistic BUT YOU DID
IT'S TRULY AN INCREDIBLE ADVANCEMENT
ANYHOW
**** except brooklyn nine nine kudos to brooklyn nine nine for being the best
Anyhow my point is i don't Wanna have to filter this as a category, along with all the others, i don't wanna feel Conflicted when leslie knope is blonde and wholesome and otherwise fills, a void, in my heart, and Jamm comes along and is like a fucking ferengi only not sympathetically portrayed and i feel like i am being RENT IN TWO. I don't wanna have to deal w/ that disconnect along with all the others
and then Toby Ziegler
and we're back to shelving gender in the back because apparently i need to be jewish more than i need to be a woman right now?? that's not. how it works. meda.
Toby doesn't really give off a gendervibe overall he could easily be a woman or like a they or w/e. Or, or it could not MATTER. you know? there's not a HUGE PULL away from inserting myself --
another problem is that i'm also more inclined to identify with CJ than to be attracted to her --
another problem is i need that synergy, need the narrative to line up, the id-character, the subject-of-desire-character, all that and a swing and a miss and it's once in a blue moon i get to line up
with my own
fucking body
this is a little evolutionarily unwieldy don't you think mr. president