I am not a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere.
I've seen this old rant before, mostly in the context of male friends posting it or linking it and proclaiming "hell yeah, preach it!" or whatever. And I know that others have bitched about it before, but this is the Ode to the Nice Guys, and this more or less lists out every single problem with Nice Guys in an attempt to proclaim their awesomeness. I find it very telling that the only people who support this are like-minded men -- that's part of the problem. Seriously, this whole rant is heavily rooted in misogyny, proclaiming that many women are illogical bitches who don't know what they want while sleeping around with jerks and never noticing the wonderful, angelic Nice Guys right there beside them...
The truth is, we do notice. And we don't like what we see.
Let's take this rant paragraph-by-paragraph, shall we?
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
1. If you're restraining yourself to tentative hugs and never actually admitting to the girl that you want more, you're lying to her. She thinks you're her friend, she thinks that's all you want. If you want more from her tell her that and face whatever may come from it. Also, if you're just telling her how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy she is to give her that "litany of support" you are lying to her. A girl will respect you far more if you tell her the truth instead of just humoring her about everything. She doesn't want your condescending "most girls need this constant support" bullshit. She wants to know the truth. Also, there's a fine line between "respect" and "indulgence" -- if you just act like everything she does or says is so great while privately disagreeing, you're humoring her. I promise you, girls can have enlightened disagreements just like anyone else. We aren't fragile little dolls who will shatter if you say something we don't like.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
2. To quote an article about this phenomenon: the common denominator in all your bad relationships is you. If you have to constantly do all of these things for someone, then, yeah, maybe you are being used, and maybe you should stay away from the people who will use you. Once again, just as there are asshole men out there and all of that "creepy male population" there are bitches who will use you for sex or their own amusement. Suck it up and learn to hang out with people worth your time, like all the rest of us. Your "great personality" isn't sending out secret pheromones to other nice people, you've got to actually put some effort into finding people worth being around.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.
3. Once again, girls don't need to be humored, and once again, if you're being treated as a "symbolic warm body for her ego" you shouldn't go anyway, you should grow a spine and find someone who won't treat you like shit.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
4. Because it's all about getting laid, isn't it? And all women are manipulative, illogical bitches, aren't we? I know this is somewhat mean to say, but, look, it takes two. If you're repeatedly getting played by girls, then you need to work on yourself and, again, find people worth your time. Don't just roll over and take it, because, seriously, that's extremely unattractive, except to those who will use you for their own amusement. Stand up for yourself, grow a spine, and maybe you'll find that people actually want to be around someone who has confidence and doesn't just do whatever someone wants in the distant hope that he'll get laid for the trouble. And again, to quote an article about this, if you're just being nice in the hopes that she'll suddenly see the light and decide to date you, you're not being nice. You're being a manipulative asshole, only a far more insidious one than the outright jerk at the bar -- which, honestly, most girls would rather go home with, because at least he won't play you and make you depend on him in an effort to get into your pants.
5. The entire last bit of this argument states that the girls are the ones who must mature, and not the guys. Look, if you're stuck in the situation described in this article, you are insecure and need to grow as a person. You lack the confidence to seek out what you really want, so you veil it behind "nice" gestures and then foist the entire issue onto the girl's shoulders, until such a time as she decides to just give in because, well, he's nice. Newsflash! Nice is not enough. You have to have something that she finds attractive, be that a rocking sense of humor, a brilliant mind, or a sexy body -- it doesn't have to be physical, and often isn't. You have to be self-assured and up-front about what you want. You have to be a mature adult. If you're constantly humoring her and pandering to her every whim, you're not boyfriend material because you're not your own person.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.
6. But you describe yourself as nice, that's the thing. And honestly? No. No, the world does not need your patience. Girls don't need servants at their every beck and call, and they sure as hell don't need servants who are only doing this because they want to get with the girl. And you are not a hero. We are not damsels in distress, we don't need you to swoop in and carry us into the sunset. What girls want -- and brace yourselves here, this is a doozy -- is a partner. An equal. And as long as you keep treating women like these goddesses upon a pedestal who must be appeased with gifts and bounties and nice acts, you will not be happy, and neither will she.
It's a two-way street, and women are not this unfathomable other race of creatures. We feel and want and think along almost the exact same lines that men do, that's the big secret. Stop treating us like we're a separate entity.
The truth is, we do notice. And we don't like what we see.
Let's take this rant paragraph-by-paragraph, shall we?
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
1. If you're restraining yourself to tentative hugs and never actually admitting to the girl that you want more, you're lying to her. She thinks you're her friend, she thinks that's all you want. If you want more from her tell her that and face whatever may come from it. Also, if you're just telling her how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy she is to give her that "litany of support" you are lying to her. A girl will respect you far more if you tell her the truth instead of just humoring her about everything. She doesn't want your condescending "most girls need this constant support" bullshit. She wants to know the truth. Also, there's a fine line between "respect" and "indulgence" -- if you just act like everything she does or says is so great while privately disagreeing, you're humoring her. I promise you, girls can have enlightened disagreements just like anyone else. We aren't fragile little dolls who will shatter if you say something we don't like.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
2. To quote an article about this phenomenon: the common denominator in all your bad relationships is you. If you have to constantly do all of these things for someone, then, yeah, maybe you are being used, and maybe you should stay away from the people who will use you. Once again, just as there are asshole men out there and all of that "creepy male population" there are bitches who will use you for sex or their own amusement. Suck it up and learn to hang out with people worth your time, like all the rest of us. Your "great personality" isn't sending out secret pheromones to other nice people, you've got to actually put some effort into finding people worth being around.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.
3. Once again, girls don't need to be humored, and once again, if you're being treated as a "symbolic warm body for her ego" you shouldn't go anyway, you should grow a spine and find someone who won't treat you like shit.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
4. Because it's all about getting laid, isn't it? And all women are manipulative, illogical bitches, aren't we? I know this is somewhat mean to say, but, look, it takes two. If you're repeatedly getting played by girls, then you need to work on yourself and, again, find people worth your time. Don't just roll over and take it, because, seriously, that's extremely unattractive, except to those who will use you for their own amusement. Stand up for yourself, grow a spine, and maybe you'll find that people actually want to be around someone who has confidence and doesn't just do whatever someone wants in the distant hope that he'll get laid for the trouble. And again, to quote an article about this, if you're just being nice in the hopes that she'll suddenly see the light and decide to date you, you're not being nice. You're being a manipulative asshole, only a far more insidious one than the outright jerk at the bar -- which, honestly, most girls would rather go home with, because at least he won't play you and make you depend on him in an effort to get into your pants.
5. The entire last bit of this argument states that the girls are the ones who must mature, and not the guys. Look, if you're stuck in the situation described in this article, you are insecure and need to grow as a person. You lack the confidence to seek out what you really want, so you veil it behind "nice" gestures and then foist the entire issue onto the girl's shoulders, until such a time as she decides to just give in because, well, he's nice. Newsflash! Nice is not enough. You have to have something that she finds attractive, be that a rocking sense of humor, a brilliant mind, or a sexy body -- it doesn't have to be physical, and often isn't. You have to be self-assured and up-front about what you want. You have to be a mature adult. If you're constantly humoring her and pandering to her every whim, you're not boyfriend material because you're not your own person.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.
6. But you describe yourself as nice, that's the thing. And honestly? No. No, the world does not need your patience. Girls don't need servants at their every beck and call, and they sure as hell don't need servants who are only doing this because they want to get with the girl. And you are not a hero. We are not damsels in distress, we don't need you to swoop in and carry us into the sunset. What girls want -- and brace yourselves here, this is a doozy -- is a partner. An equal. And as long as you keep treating women like these goddesses upon a pedestal who must be appeased with gifts and bounties and nice acts, you will not be happy, and neither will she.
It's a two-way street, and women are not this unfathomable other race of creatures. We feel and want and think along almost the exact same lines that men do, that's the big secret. Stop treating us like we're a separate entity.