21: The Perfect Year
I'm of the firm belief that when we wake up every morning, we have the choice to either make it a good day or a bad day (like for instance I woke up yesterday and knew I had to go to class despite it being Labor Day, thus I was cranky-but not the mean bring other's down cranky, rather the sarcastic cranky to make others laugh so we all feel better).
i'm also of the firm belief that some days, weeks, months or years are just better than others. Well I'm less than 10 days away from being 22 and realize that as I'm about to continue on with my life (and also realize that aside from like the big 3-0, 4-0 ect. there aren't really any big birthdays at this point left...) I've taken the opportunity to look back over the past 365 days and contemplated all that happened in the short span of just this time.
As always, this time last year I was back in school, but I didn't know what I wanted to do. I wanted to write, I was (and still am an English writing major) I was seeing a counselor full time for anxiety and reminants of minor depression carrying over from high school. I was in a transition period of friendships-as in I don't have many close ones on this campus and the few that I do I don't see often enough. It wasn't that the year didn't look like it would amount to much, or anything of the sort, on the contrary I was looking forward to turning twenty-one last year. And for more reasons than just "oooh I get to drink". I am not a big drinker, I've only ever been tipsy and at that point I recognized that anymore would send me over the level I always said I'd avoid. But I was also looking forward to my last full year of school college (though at the time I had no idea that starting in January to this january would be my final year).
This time last year I had a boyfriend-and perhaps that's an appropriate place to start. Now I use the term boyfriend losely on the grounds that like most guys leading with his dick instead of his brain. Now, I won't deny for a minute I was almost twenty-one nad hte idea of sex...is a little more than alluring on the best of days. I'm twenty-one and "innocent" in that area, of course I was interested-but the truth was I wasn't interested in the way he thought I was-or even I thought I was. We got...far enough for me to know that I was in no way comfortable for whatever mission we were about to embark on. So I stopped the relationship at the two week mark, because clearly if we stayed together any longer the only thing that would get accomplished sex and I was in no way prepared or comfortable for that. It wasn't until later I realized that one of the reasons I had so much trouble with this "relationship" was because I wasn't attracted to him-or guys really. (Don't get me wrong some a pretty, JB,GDL, SG ect. but I don't know if I could go further than a hug or cuddle with any of them)
So relationships got put on hold-yet again. Now if someone had told me this time last year that I was going to go through radical changes and watch my life fall into some semblence of a beginning-I probably would have laughed. My life is never this smooth...EVER! But it did, in December I met a friend who was bisexual-and he'd be part of the reason my eyes were opened. In April I would discover Writer's Boot Camp where I plan to spend the next 22 months in intensive training to become a screen writer. By May my counselor had offically told me I didn't need her services anymore, I was much more independant, stronger and finally calm enough that I could face most problems with a level head and a responsible response. By April and May I was admitting openly to myself that there was a possibility I was attracted to girls-and by possibility I mean I really liked staring at certain women...
But the summer went twice as fast and during that time I learned I'd do almost any job if it meant getting to where I needed and wanted to be (including telling assholes to stop smoking and letting them cuss me out). I was flirting more and more with a girl that I quite liked but wasn't quite ready to admit to myself. By July everything came to ahead, with the new presidential candidates in place, "gay rights" became a commonly discussed issue in my house, my opinions were becoming stronger, and my liking for a certain person was becoming firmer with every passing day. A month ago (tomorrow *grins*) we offically decided it was time to at least attempt some type of relationship (despite long distance) and I was getting ready to go back to school.
This year, on a whole (from September 2-September 2) has been a whirlwind of emotions, smiles, laughter, tear and epiphanies, I've learned so much about myself. And while I do look forward to being another year older, I can't help but wonder if the coming year will be anywhere near as amazing as the past one. Sure there are some moments that are destined to shine-My senior football game for Band, coming home permanently in December, my first car, my first "real" job, more weekends with my best friend Melissa, graduation day in May, a roadtrip to Disney and along the way I'll meet a friend from online. Meeting my girlfriend for the first time, and of course my 23rd birthday in another year. As always all of them are visible and exciting to me, but I can only pray that this year is as wonderful as the past. Because the things I've done, the people I've met, loved...I wouldn't change any of this for the world. The saying "these are the best years of your life" as cliche as it sounds, has never felt more true to me. I've never felt prouder of myself, I've never felt stronger or more independant, I've never been happier, never wanted to hold someone's hand as much, never wanted to take that step into the future knowing that the rest of my life is only about to begin.
So perhaps at this point it isn't 21 was a great year (which is was) but maybe it's more 21 has been a great year but 22 will be even better. (And just wait until 23...I'm going to London and possibly moving to LA!)
That's all for now folks :) 21 year old signing off for now...22 in 9 days (or 9 days and...4 hous and 15 minutes...wow I haven't done that since last year and I seriously don't even care that much)
Love
i'm also of the firm belief that some days, weeks, months or years are just better than others. Well I'm less than 10 days away from being 22 and realize that as I'm about to continue on with my life (and also realize that aside from like the big 3-0, 4-0 ect. there aren't really any big birthdays at this point left...) I've taken the opportunity to look back over the past 365 days and contemplated all that happened in the short span of just this time.
As always, this time last year I was back in school, but I didn't know what I wanted to do. I wanted to write, I was (and still am an English writing major) I was seeing a counselor full time for anxiety and reminants of minor depression carrying over from high school. I was in a transition period of friendships-as in I don't have many close ones on this campus and the few that I do I don't see often enough. It wasn't that the year didn't look like it would amount to much, or anything of the sort, on the contrary I was looking forward to turning twenty-one last year. And for more reasons than just "oooh I get to drink". I am not a big drinker, I've only ever been tipsy and at that point I recognized that anymore would send me over the level I always said I'd avoid. But I was also looking forward to my last full year of school college (though at the time I had no idea that starting in January to this january would be my final year).
This time last year I had a boyfriend-and perhaps that's an appropriate place to start. Now I use the term boyfriend losely on the grounds that like most guys leading with his dick instead of his brain. Now, I won't deny for a minute I was almost twenty-one nad hte idea of sex...is a little more than alluring on the best of days. I'm twenty-one and "innocent" in that area, of course I was interested-but the truth was I wasn't interested in the way he thought I was-or even I thought I was. We got...far enough for me to know that I was in no way comfortable for whatever mission we were about to embark on. So I stopped the relationship at the two week mark, because clearly if we stayed together any longer the only thing that would get accomplished sex and I was in no way prepared or comfortable for that. It wasn't until later I realized that one of the reasons I had so much trouble with this "relationship" was because I wasn't attracted to him-or guys really. (Don't get me wrong some a pretty, JB,GDL, SG ect. but I don't know if I could go further than a hug or cuddle with any of them)
So relationships got put on hold-yet again. Now if someone had told me this time last year that I was going to go through radical changes and watch my life fall into some semblence of a beginning-I probably would have laughed. My life is never this smooth...EVER! But it did, in December I met a friend who was bisexual-and he'd be part of the reason my eyes were opened. In April I would discover Writer's Boot Camp where I plan to spend the next 22 months in intensive training to become a screen writer. By May my counselor had offically told me I didn't need her services anymore, I was much more independant, stronger and finally calm enough that I could face most problems with a level head and a responsible response. By April and May I was admitting openly to myself that there was a possibility I was attracted to girls-and by possibility I mean I really liked staring at certain women...
But the summer went twice as fast and during that time I learned I'd do almost any job if it meant getting to where I needed and wanted to be (including telling assholes to stop smoking and letting them cuss me out). I was flirting more and more with a girl that I quite liked but wasn't quite ready to admit to myself. By July everything came to ahead, with the new presidential candidates in place, "gay rights" became a commonly discussed issue in my house, my opinions were becoming stronger, and my liking for a certain person was becoming firmer with every passing day. A month ago (tomorrow *grins*) we offically decided it was time to at least attempt some type of relationship (despite long distance) and I was getting ready to go back to school.
This year, on a whole (from September 2-September 2) has been a whirlwind of emotions, smiles, laughter, tear and epiphanies, I've learned so much about myself. And while I do look forward to being another year older, I can't help but wonder if the coming year will be anywhere near as amazing as the past one. Sure there are some moments that are destined to shine-My senior football game for Band, coming home permanently in December, my first car, my first "real" job, more weekends with my best friend Melissa, graduation day in May, a roadtrip to Disney and along the way I'll meet a friend from online. Meeting my girlfriend for the first time, and of course my 23rd birthday in another year. As always all of them are visible and exciting to me, but I can only pray that this year is as wonderful as the past. Because the things I've done, the people I've met, loved...I wouldn't change any of this for the world. The saying "these are the best years of your life" as cliche as it sounds, has never felt more true to me. I've never felt prouder of myself, I've never felt stronger or more independant, I've never been happier, never wanted to hold someone's hand as much, never wanted to take that step into the future knowing that the rest of my life is only about to begin.
So perhaps at this point it isn't 21 was a great year (which is was) but maybe it's more 21 has been a great year but 22 will be even better. (And just wait until 23...I'm going to London and possibly moving to LA!)
That's all for now folks :) 21 year old signing off for now...22 in 9 days (or 9 days and...4 hous and 15 minutes...wow I haven't done that since last year and I seriously don't even care that much)
Love