The Butler
Butler
McRaider
Summary: “You’re right Jack, you don’t need a butler, you need a nuclear bomb.”
Author’s Note: My first day of work I was making coffee and organizing their storage closet. All I could think was “I’m the ruddy butler!” So naturally this came out of it. By the way, don't get me wrong, I love my new job (now that I’m not longer cleaning hehe)
Thanks: Thanks to
teachwriteslash for her post-it notes, she used them in her piece awhile back and was kind enough to let me borrow them!
Rated: PG
Spoilers/Timeline: Fragments, and it’s Pre-Gwen at Torchwood.
Ianto turned up early the next morning as he was instructed, dressed in a suit that was bound to dazzle the Captain. Stepping into the tourist office should have been Ianto’s first hint at what he was in store for. There were maps and brochures of all sort (future and past) lying all over the floor, mismatched and unalphabetized all over the place. There was no semblance or order to it, and if Ianto had been asked, it looked as if a cyclone had gone blowing through a few times and left little in its path.
Jack stepped into the tourist office from the hidden door way and offered Ianto one of his killer smiles. “Hello Jones, Ianto Jones, welcome to Torchwood Three. Follow me.” Ianto followed behind the Captain, his eyes grew wide at the sighed of the hub as they stepped into the vast cavern. Above them Myfanwy was already soaring overhead, her wings spread as far as she could open them, screeching excitedly. “She’s been twelve different types of excited since she woke up-though I think Owen doesn’t like her, she left a bit of a mess on his desk.”
“That’s disgusting.”
“Prehistoric animals, what can you do. Right then, since you’re so good with coffee, I thought we could go this evening and buy you a good coffee maker-“
Ianto stared in stunned horror at the sight of their little kitchen, dirty dishes and mugs were piled in the sink. To Ianto’s horror there were also a multitude of coffee pots sitting around with post it notes ranging from ‘Really bad’ to ‘Will kill if ingested’. It even looked as if some of the coffee had congealed in the varying pots.
“Sir-if I may make a request?”
“Uh-sure I guess,” Jack replied.
Ianto could tell this man had obviously never worked with an admin before. Sighing Ianto picked up one of the coffee pots and grimaced. “When I buy the new coffee maker, promise you’ll never use it.”
Jack chuckled. “The way you make coffee I doubt you’ll get an argument from any of us. Come on I’ll take you down to the archives.”
Based on the tourist office and the little kitchenette, Ianto wasn’t quite sure he really wanted to see the archives. As they walked through and down the stairs towards the archives Ianto got the distinct impression he might become a vampire if he worked here very long. He was curious how Jack managed to look nice and tan when he obviously rarely left the Hub.
The archive room was behind a heavy metal door, Jack slid some keys out of his pocket and for a moment, Ianto was terrified he’d get locked down here for no one to ever miss him. Shaking away his feeling he stepped into the pitch black room behind Jack.
“There’s a switch here somewhere…” Moments later dim light flooded the room and Ianto felt sick. Torchwood One never would have tolerated this. There were files and various alien objects everywhere, some of the filing cabinets were half opened and had stuff shoved in at various angles. Brightly colored Post-it Notes stuck up at every angle with various markings on them. Jack spoke first, “Sorry about the Post-it thing…”
“You were right Captain, you don’t need a butler.” Jack gave Ianto a somewhat curious glance before Ianto spoke again. “You need a nuclear bomb.”
“It’s not that bad…”
Ianto sighed. “Yes it is. God I hope I’m getting paid well for this.”
“Oh-I thought you didn’t want paid.” The look Ianto shot Jack made the older man chuckle. “Relax, I’m kidding. Of course you’re getting paid and don’t worry I might even throw in a bonus if you can clean this place up at least half way in two weeks.”
“Oh, so you have a nuclear war head hidden down here.”
Jack laughed again clapping his new friend on the shoulder. “Not that you’ll ever find. Let me know if you need something.” Jack turned to leave, when Ianto called out to him.
“Thanks-“
“Don't thank me-I’m the one who made this mess.” Without another word, Jack left Ianto alone in the room.
“Need a bloody butler.”
The End