unconfidentiality or inconfidentiality
And does it matter? Sometimes it is so simple to concentrate on minor details rather than the whole picture. I know that when I get overwhelmed by the environment's influences it restricts me from seeing the complete picture. Often my following response is to create myself a smaller issue to occupy my mind with: sadly enough I often do that so well that it drives me crazy. It is not that I'd completely invent it, but I just magnify it to cover everything else that is going on in my life.
That minor thing gives me a topic for discussion and makes up for the fact that most of the time in a small community like UWC or COA so few things appear to you in the every-day life that being silent is the only prevention for repeating the same topics over and over and over and over again. I miss living in a city. I miss observing the people I don't know. I miss leaving my doorstep and not knowing who will contribute to my life that day. I also miss solitude.
An interesting statement. I miss the society and I miss solitude. Where am I now then? I am in a community. I am in a bubble. Sadly enough this bubble is so social and so full of people who think they know me (some are actually soon able to claim that they do) that I am once again deprived from creating a real life for myself. I hope moving off campus will allow me to get closer to that goal.
Creating a life... That is what I have tried to do so many times.
cool-teased-evil-geek-hippie-scientist-psycologist-me
8 lives. No one knows them all but me. I always start from scrach. Except this time. I call this "me". I am for once trying to create an honest, open personality and I am for once not forcing a change. Perhaps this is the right way. Perhaps it doesn't matter that no one knows all the Lauras that have existed in the last 20 years. Perhaps they can be buried. I wonder if I could for one week stop mentioning my life in Finland, Norway or Bolivia. Those moments are past and they construct "me". Therefore, by knowing me all those moments will be explicit. It is a mortal privilidge to have had the ability to observe myself in all those personalities and now observe all those personalities in myself.
That minor thing gives me a topic for discussion and makes up for the fact that most of the time in a small community like UWC or COA so few things appear to you in the every-day life that being silent is the only prevention for repeating the same topics over and over and over and over again. I miss living in a city. I miss observing the people I don't know. I miss leaving my doorstep and not knowing who will contribute to my life that day. I also miss solitude.
An interesting statement. I miss the society and I miss solitude. Where am I now then? I am in a community. I am in a bubble. Sadly enough this bubble is so social and so full of people who think they know me (some are actually soon able to claim that they do) that I am once again deprived from creating a real life for myself. I hope moving off campus will allow me to get closer to that goal.
Creating a life... That is what I have tried to do so many times.
cool-teased-evil-geek-hippie-scientist-psycologist-me
8 lives. No one knows them all but me. I always start from scrach. Except this time. I call this "me". I am for once trying to create an honest, open personality and I am for once not forcing a change. Perhaps this is the right way. Perhaps it doesn't matter that no one knows all the Lauras that have existed in the last 20 years. Perhaps they can be buried. I wonder if I could for one week stop mentioning my life in Finland, Norway or Bolivia. Those moments are past and they construct "me". Therefore, by knowing me all those moments will be explicit. It is a mortal privilidge to have had the ability to observe myself in all those personalities and now observe all those personalities in myself.