(no subject)
it's cold.
i usually love winter, but i'm not so into it this year.
i have attended church the past five sundays. mainly because i like to see how happy it makes my dad when i come up. and when my great aunt gerri gives a hug, she really means it.
i wonder when? or how old i will be when i quit wishing, holding my breathe like a 4 year old for christmas. thinking this will be the year it will feel like the way it felt before mom died? some times i can't feel her anymore. i'm here! ALONE! thanks god! and i'm really scared now. because i want it all back. and that's what i want! i'm tired of it. i am simply just worn out from holding it together. but the second i've ever had had enough of something and actually open my mouth, i just end up out of line.
i usually love winter, but i'm not so into it this year.
i have attended church the past five sundays. mainly because i like to see how happy it makes my dad when i come up. and when my great aunt gerri gives a hug, she really means it.
i wonder when? or how old i will be when i quit wishing, holding my breathe like a 4 year old for christmas. thinking this will be the year it will feel like the way it felt before mom died? some times i can't feel her anymore. i'm here! ALONE! thanks god! and i'm really scared now. because i want it all back. and that's what i want! i'm tired of it. i am simply just worn out from holding it together. but the second i've ever had had enough of something and actually open my mouth, i just end up out of line.