Tried not to...
...write one of these but I am so bored and have no idea what to do with myself so I am gonna write one of these and just get all this shit out of my head.
Broke up with Vicky. She cant be in a relationship, I want her more than anything. I am not coping at all with not being with her and her kissing people is making me feel like complete shit. I know she can do what she wants I just want to be the one who is kissing her because I love her. I hate how she can just go from loving me to seemingly like we were only ever just friends. Its like she has just switched it off, I wish I could do that because I would do anything to stop how I am feeling right now. I have tried to be strong and not make a scene and just try and make things easy for her but last night just shows I cannot do that. I want her and she doesnt want me/cant be with me whatever it is and I just dont know how to be OK with her being like she is. I am a complete nervous wreck and drank myself silly last night. I said something I think I regret, I told her she has lost me, she said that was the one thing she didnt want. But how can I stay being so close to her if she is going off with other guys and while I am still in love with her. I will never be able to have her back and I dont think I can cope with that. Maybe that makes me a bad person. I dont want to just walk away from her completely but maybe thats what I have to do. She says she is worried about me but I just find that so hard to believe. She has completely fucked me up right now whether she meant to or not and I am not ok with that. People say I should just move on and forget her but I dont want that. I want her back, I want her in my arms, I wanna be her boyfriend. We were too good a couple to just let her get away from me. I sound so fucking diluded but perhaps thats how I need to be right now. Actually its not how I need to be but its how I am so I am just gonna have to deal with it. Why cant I just be ok with this? She is, so why cant I? She will probably be angry at me for writing this and stuff but I dont care. I need to get this out and I need to scream and shout and just wash this shit out of my system.
Broke up with Vicky. She cant be in a relationship, I want her more than anything. I am not coping at all with not being with her and her kissing people is making me feel like complete shit. I know she can do what she wants I just want to be the one who is kissing her because I love her. I hate how she can just go from loving me to seemingly like we were only ever just friends. Its like she has just switched it off, I wish I could do that because I would do anything to stop how I am feeling right now. I have tried to be strong and not make a scene and just try and make things easy for her but last night just shows I cannot do that. I want her and she doesnt want me/cant be with me whatever it is and I just dont know how to be OK with her being like she is. I am a complete nervous wreck and drank myself silly last night. I said something I think I regret, I told her she has lost me, she said that was the one thing she didnt want. But how can I stay being so close to her if she is going off with other guys and while I am still in love with her. I will never be able to have her back and I dont think I can cope with that. Maybe that makes me a bad person. I dont want to just walk away from her completely but maybe thats what I have to do. She says she is worried about me but I just find that so hard to believe. She has completely fucked me up right now whether she meant to or not and I am not ok with that. People say I should just move on and forget her but I dont want that. I want her back, I want her in my arms, I wanna be her boyfriend. We were too good a couple to just let her get away from me. I sound so fucking diluded but perhaps thats how I need to be right now. Actually its not how I need to be but its how I am so I am just gonna have to deal with it. Why cant I just be ok with this? She is, so why cant I? She will probably be angry at me for writing this and stuff but I dont care. I need to get this out and I need to scream and shout and just wash this shit out of my system.