Eve of the Last Day
Tomorrow at midnight the residency results will be posted on the military student doctor's portal.
I will either be a resident assigned to a 5 year program or an intern assigned to a transitional year.
I will probably be a resident. I have confidence in that much at least.
But where?
Hopefully Bethesda. Gods know I tried.
This feels like a slow-cooker version of an elevator panic attack:
It's not the irrational terror of the possible events.
It's a terror that I'm going to loose control of myself.
I don't need to make the argument over again. Family and Friends are at Walter Reed. My sister is having a baby. DC is a mecca for lawyers, no matter what the job market.
But I've been to Tacoma and I've been to San Antonio and Augusta, and when I was there they were livable. Gods, Tacoma was beautiful.
Still- I can't imagine.
How will I even react?
Either way?
If I get Walter Reed will I run into the streets dancing?
Will I smile quietly and go to bed?
What about El Paso? Honolulu?
Will I sit in the shower and cry?
Will I be happy?
It's weird to not even be able to predict that.
I am trying to steel myself without worrying myself.
Alia iacta est.
There is nothing more that can be done.
The fate is sealed, all that is left is the reveal.
28 hours between here and 2019.
I will either be a resident assigned to a 5 year program or an intern assigned to a transitional year.
I will probably be a resident. I have confidence in that much at least.
But where?
Hopefully Bethesda. Gods know I tried.
This feels like a slow-cooker version of an elevator panic attack:
It's not the irrational terror of the possible events.
It's a terror that I'm going to loose control of myself.
I don't need to make the argument over again. Family and Friends are at Walter Reed. My sister is having a baby. DC is a mecca for lawyers, no matter what the job market.
But I've been to Tacoma and I've been to San Antonio and Augusta, and when I was there they were livable. Gods, Tacoma was beautiful.
Still- I can't imagine.
How will I even react?
Either way?
If I get Walter Reed will I run into the streets dancing?
Will I smile quietly and go to bed?
What about El Paso? Honolulu?
Will I sit in the shower and cry?
Will I be happy?
It's weird to not even be able to predict that.
I am trying to steel myself without worrying myself.
Alia iacta est.
There is nothing more that can be done.
The fate is sealed, all that is left is the reveal.
28 hours between here and 2019.