Heartbroken Thoughts

[andrews_baby_do]

God, I want to hate Andrew so fucking bad, but I can't. I don't understand why, I'll just sit here and let him do this shit to me, and I could never hate him no matter how hard I try. Lately I keep thinking about the first night that I met him. I don't know why, I guess, because I feel for him at first sight, but I was with Mike, so was kind of like I couldn't do anything about it even if I wanted to. Any ways, it was August 4, 2004, Shari and I had talked for the first time since we had got to court in July. She told me all about how she was dating Mike Martin...GROSS, and how he was in jail and all that shit. Then she said that I should sneak out and come hang out with her, she said that Andrew liked her so she could get him to give her a ride to pick me up. I said ok, knowing damn well that I had a probation meeting that next morning at 8. So I waited for my parents to go to sleep, got all punked/gothed out(I wore my slipknot shirt, my black kakis, I had my hair up, cuz it was long then...I was wearing make up, and I had my contacts), then I called Shari, then called Mike while I waited for Shari and Andrew to come get me. So when they called me to tell me that they were here, then I snuck out of my house and ran to Andrew's old car, I loved that car....We could smoke in that car, the spedomater didn't light up, and the ac didn't work, but I loved that car. So I got in the car, Shari itroduced us, but I really didn't get a good view, so he drove to steeplechase apartments, where shari, and the guys use to live. We walked up the three flights of stairs to get to the third story, and me and Shari where catching up, and giggiling and laughing. When we walked into the room, Ashely(Pagie), Alex, Shane, Gaile, and Efrin where all there watching "50 First Dates," Gaile saw me, and jumped up and hugged me. I went outside on the patio, since they movie was almost over, and I didn't want to just watch the end of it, Shari came with me, and we talked. Then Andrew came out, that's when I first saw him...I swear it was love at first sight, if I wouldn't have been dating Mike, I would have flirted with him, a lot more than I did that night. So Shari went back into the apartment, leaving me and Andrew on the patio, and me and him started to talk. Then I called Mike, he pissed me off so I started to get in a really bad mood, so me and Shari went to walk and talk in the parking lot, that's when I decided that I must have done something really bad in my past life to deserve all of this bad karama. Then we went back up to the apartment, and thats when we all started goofing off and having fun. Ashley and Alex went into Alex's room(they were dating at the time), to go to sleep, and we heard banging on the wall, so Gaile, Shari, and me opened the door and ran in to find Alex on top of Ashley, nothing was happening, they were just joking around. So then Shari was trying to get Andrew's last cigarette, so we were jumping on him trying to get it. I finally got it, or he gave it to me, as he says, but then we started throwing stuff at him, and he threw a pringles can at us, which missed, but I threw it back, and hit him on the head, which I didn't mean to do. So he tried to take the cigarette back, and he got it. Then he left, he was doing something on the stairs, I don't know what though, he was just trying to keep himself awake, because he had to take me home at 530, and he had to go to work too. So around 530 we got into Andrew's car, because we were already starting to get tired, and then in the car, we started talking about fucking guys who had their dicks pierced, and how Iysha had said that it felt good. All I really remember out of that convo, was Andrew saying that he would get his dick pierced if his girl wanted him to...That night he tells me, that he feell in love with me. He says he fell for the punk rock chick who didn't give a fuck what others thought, well why does it bother him so much now?? I'm still that same chick, its just that I've made a few mistakes, and I've grown up a lot more then he thinks I have. The next time I saw him, was on his birthday, when he picked me and Shari up from school, the day after Mike broke up with me for Kayla. So we made plans to sneak me out that night, so that I could hang out with him for his birthday. It was raining and lighting and I was freaking out, because if you know me, then you know I'm scared of thunder, any ways, I got into Andrew's car, and gave him five bucks, to buy me some cigarettes, since he could finally buy them legally. So we drove out to Taylor, to hang out at Josh's house. So when we got to Shari's house, Andrew and me sat next to eachother on the coutch, and Shari was reading me a letter that her Mike had wrote her from jail, and while she was reading it, I started to hold Andrew's hand, and he put his arm around me. Then they said that we should go get in the hot tub, in our underwear, so wasn't comfortable with my body at that point and time, so I just went and got the cigarettes out of his car, and me and Shari started smoking and taking. Well he went to get his cigarettes out of the car, 20 minutes after he got in the hot tub, and he came over to us, and since I had been telling Shari that I wanted to kiss him, I just went for him, told him to come near me, and kissed him. I will never forget that kiss, because he is the only guy who has ever taken my breath away and made my knees go weak at the same time he was kissing me. I mean my knees when weak, and if there wouldn't have been a car behind me, I would have fallen and busted my ass. On a scale of 1-10 on for that first kiss, it was a fucking 9. Even know when he kisses me, I still feel like that. I don't know I think thats really why I fell in love with him, because of his personalitly, how comfortable I felt around him, and how he loves me for me. Now that I'm all sad, I'll update later. I love Andrew Joseph Currie.
Baby Doll