Batman saved my life tonight
So, to cap off my weekend, Shaenon and I decided to take in the new X-Files movie with our friends Mohamed and Jen. It's a Sunday night and the movie hasn't been tearing up the box office, so we figured we'd have a nice, empty theater and have ourselves a nice, relaxing moviegoing experience.
I'm usually on edge until about ten minutes into a movie, until I'm sure that I'm not surrounded by talkers, texters or other things that are going to get on my nerves over the course of two hours. I got a little bit nervous when two stereotypical young thug-types and their girlfriends sat down in front of us a few minutes before the movie started. They were a bit rowdy during the previews, but one of the previews was for Death Race, so I cut them some slack.
However, as X-Files got underway, they kept yakking away. Every couple of minutes, we'd get "Sick!" or "WTF?!?" or whatever popped into this guy's head. Since movie theaters don't have ushers anymore and I didn't want to spend ten minutes tracking down a theater employee on a half-deserted Sunday night, I instinctively kicked the back of the guy's chair. Hard.
So, at that point, he turned around and swore at me, I politely asked him to be quiet, and other people in our row told him to pipe down, which, thankfully, shut him up for the rest of the movie, more or less.
With about five minutes left in the movie, the other guy in his party gets a cell phone call, and answers long enough to say, "I'm at a movie. I'll call you back." So, before I have time to think about it, I'm kicking the back of HIS seat. Really hard. (And, I should stress, this was before I had time to think about it, otherwise I'd have just let it slide and forgotten about it by movie's end.)
At this point, the two guys look back at me and start hatching a plan, which I'm assuming involved beating the living snot out of me. Exercising the better part of valor, I told Shaenon that I was heading out before they tried anything, not wanting them to turn around and start throwing punches at all of us (assuming that Mohamed, Shaenon and Jen didn't want to get tossed into a gang war anymore than I did, and figuring that my absence would put a crimp in their plans).
Anyway, I got out of my seat and watched the last two minutes of the movie from the aisle, then bolted to the restroom. Not thinking this all the way through, I only went in long enough to splash some water on my face and gather my wits, as opposed to hiding out in a stall until they lost interest and went home. So, about a minute after I'd entered the restroom, they came in after me.
The taller guy asks, "What movie did you just see?" After looking confused for a second, I said "Batman." They look at each other, then head out of the restroom, trying to figure out if I was the guy who'd been kicking their seats or not. Apparently, "Batman" had been a convincing enough answer to buy me enough time to get the hell out of there and make friends with the fine folks at the snack counter. The rest of my group caught up with me, we waited until we were sure that our new pals had gone, then we jumped in the first cab that we could outside of the theater.
Yeah, it's not a great story, necessarily, but I like to think that I struck at least some small blow for the little guy, who just wants to enjoy a movie in peace on his day off.
And next time I want to relax on a Sunday night, I'll just pop a few Valium and rent some DVDs. Maybe some Batman ones.
I'm usually on edge until about ten minutes into a movie, until I'm sure that I'm not surrounded by talkers, texters or other things that are going to get on my nerves over the course of two hours. I got a little bit nervous when two stereotypical young thug-types and their girlfriends sat down in front of us a few minutes before the movie started. They were a bit rowdy during the previews, but one of the previews was for Death Race, so I cut them some slack.
However, as X-Files got underway, they kept yakking away. Every couple of minutes, we'd get "Sick!" or "WTF?!?" or whatever popped into this guy's head. Since movie theaters don't have ushers anymore and I didn't want to spend ten minutes tracking down a theater employee on a half-deserted Sunday night, I instinctively kicked the back of the guy's chair. Hard.
So, at that point, he turned around and swore at me, I politely asked him to be quiet, and other people in our row told him to pipe down, which, thankfully, shut him up for the rest of the movie, more or less.
With about five minutes left in the movie, the other guy in his party gets a cell phone call, and answers long enough to say, "I'm at a movie. I'll call you back." So, before I have time to think about it, I'm kicking the back of HIS seat. Really hard. (And, I should stress, this was before I had time to think about it, otherwise I'd have just let it slide and forgotten about it by movie's end.)
At this point, the two guys look back at me and start hatching a plan, which I'm assuming involved beating the living snot out of me. Exercising the better part of valor, I told Shaenon that I was heading out before they tried anything, not wanting them to turn around and start throwing punches at all of us (assuming that Mohamed, Shaenon and Jen didn't want to get tossed into a gang war anymore than I did, and figuring that my absence would put a crimp in their plans).
Anyway, I got out of my seat and watched the last two minutes of the movie from the aisle, then bolted to the restroom. Not thinking this all the way through, I only went in long enough to splash some water on my face and gather my wits, as opposed to hiding out in a stall until they lost interest and went home. So, about a minute after I'd entered the restroom, they came in after me.
The taller guy asks, "What movie did you just see?" After looking confused for a second, I said "Batman." They look at each other, then head out of the restroom, trying to figure out if I was the guy who'd been kicking their seats or not. Apparently, "Batman" had been a convincing enough answer to buy me enough time to get the hell out of there and make friends with the fine folks at the snack counter. The rest of my group caught up with me, we waited until we were sure that our new pals had gone, then we jumped in the first cab that we could outside of the theater.
Yeah, it's not a great story, necessarily, but I like to think that I struck at least some small blow for the little guy, who just wants to enjoy a movie in peace on his day off.
And next time I want to relax on a Sunday night, I'll just pop a few Valium and rent some DVDs. Maybe some Batman ones.