Interesting Links for 21-06-2013
- Offensive, iconoclastic internet trolls will NOT be prosecuted, says DPP
(tags: freespeech law uk epicwin ) - The Gov.uk website's design principles
(tags: uk web government design ) - Naked rambler Stephen Gough jailed for flouting Asbo
(tags: law uk nudity ) - Violent men won't change until they accept they are the problem
(tags: violence ) - On “Geek” ( Read more... )
I know only one couple who married without living together first; and they were living independently before marriage. So that's *zero* people who were in actual need of "setting up home" style gifts.
Some of these people asked for "nicer" versions of stuff they already had - a swanky coffee machine, really good knives, expensive bedding; some of them asked for consumable - wine, chocolates; some of them asked for charitable donations in their name; and yes, some of them asked for money (one couple had things like "a dinner in Venice" and "a night at the Ritz" on their list; rather than simply asking for "cash for the honeymoon" which I thought was quite sweet). (And some of them just said "no gifts please"). Oh and some of them had "bring and share" receptions where guests were expected to show up with food/drink to share.
My view on gift-asking etiquette is that you can ask for anything you please, but you may not get it. I think if you can't afford to cater it is better to have a reception where food is for sale to those who want it than to insist on "charging admission" but maybe that's just me. It is nice to ask for *something* because lots of people expect to give something and would like guidance.
(My view on "what sort of party should you have?" is "the one that you want to have and can afford to arrange"; and anyone who gets cross about it being the "wrong sort of party" is a jerk)
My view on gift-giving etiquette is that you should get something off the list (or nothing, I don't think gifts should be an obligation). Or ask the couple if your plan is acceptable. There are basically two problems with just going out and getting something you think makes a nice gift - one is that it may be utterly inappropriate for the couple (for instance food they can't eat), the other is that they may already have it (perhaps they didn't ask for a toaster because they *have three* and if five guests go and buy them a toaster "because everyone needs a toaster" that would be rather irritating). Obviously the closer you are to the couple the more likely your not-on-the-list gift is a good gift for them (but lots of weddings have large guest lists; including relatives of the happy couple who they only see a few times a year).
If you get gifts then I think you should be nice about them. Even if you don't like them tons. I think the closer I am to someone the less-annoyed I'd be if they told me my gift was unsuitable; especially if for instance the gift was unsuitable food (because they might *give me more* if we spend lots of time together).
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