Blargh.
Time for paper number two tonight, bleh. This one is a response to stuff from Hayden White's Metahistory, which I don't really understand, though I suppose I can say that in the response. Tried going back on induction today and totally failed, probably at this point I've eaten more candy than real food today. Sigh. Also I have a headache. And there's no gaming this week. Sucky in general.
I am surprisingly not depressed despite all that. It's definately cyclical, then, because I was last week but not the week before that as well, and I don't think the amount of stress I've been under has changed. Also, last week should have been depression-relieving since I went home, but it wasn't. Highly not, in fact.
My apartment is a total mess. The bedroom floor is covered with the clothes I took home and washed but haven't gotten around to putting away. There are old pizza boxes on the kitchen counter, and markers and papers all over the living room floor. Also boxes of books that can't be unpacked till I get my shelves set up. Too much cleaning and no motivation to do any of it, even to procrastinate writing my paper. I'm just a mess this week. Maybe on wednesday or thursday I can get some non-homework things done.
I really don't intend to only write in this thing when stuff is bad or icky or sucky or depressing. There are good things too. It's just unfortunately they are not here right now (like Steussy, who I love dearly and who keeps me sane), or have to come in small doses (like gaming, or watching B5 or hanging out with Dan) in order that the other things like homework get done.
I still don't know if this is the right place for me to be, but it's pretty much too late to back out now. History makes me feel stupid all the time and makes my head hurt, and library science bores me to tears (at least, archives class does) and requires very little intellectual work so far. I really don't know if being a reference librarian is what I want to do with my life, but I don't know what else I would do either. I'm beginning to suspect that I'm really not cut out for spending my entire life in academia though, at least not in the situation where I am a grad student or a professor, so probably I'll be better off if I get my degrees and then give the real world a try.
I am surprisingly not depressed despite all that. It's definately cyclical, then, because I was last week but not the week before that as well, and I don't think the amount of stress I've been under has changed. Also, last week should have been depression-relieving since I went home, but it wasn't. Highly not, in fact.
My apartment is a total mess. The bedroom floor is covered with the clothes I took home and washed but haven't gotten around to putting away. There are old pizza boxes on the kitchen counter, and markers and papers all over the living room floor. Also boxes of books that can't be unpacked till I get my shelves set up. Too much cleaning and no motivation to do any of it, even to procrastinate writing my paper. I'm just a mess this week. Maybe on wednesday or thursday I can get some non-homework things done.
I really don't intend to only write in this thing when stuff is bad or icky or sucky or depressing. There are good things too. It's just unfortunately they are not here right now (like Steussy, who I love dearly and who keeps me sane), or have to come in small doses (like gaming, or watching B5 or hanging out with Dan) in order that the other things like homework get done.
I still don't know if this is the right place for me to be, but it's pretty much too late to back out now. History makes me feel stupid all the time and makes my head hurt, and library science bores me to tears (at least, archives class does) and requires very little intellectual work so far. I really don't know if being a reference librarian is what I want to do with my life, but I don't know what else I would do either. I'm beginning to suspect that I'm really not cut out for spending my entire life in academia though, at least not in the situation where I am a grad student or a professor, so probably I'll be better off if I get my degrees and then give the real world a try.