crazy croatia!
my first afternoon in jelsa did not go quite as planned. went to ask the price for renting a bike at some shop. all i wanted to know was the price (i planned to actually rent the bike the next day), and then i was going to walk around the town, get info for visiting neighboring towns, and then hit the beach and read a book again or something. so the owner starts like flirting with me, says i can come back and take any bike for free. whatev. so was going to go, then he invites me to stay and chat. he speaks german so i was like ok, maybe he can help me with some croatian phrases. he gives me like a pint of home-made prosek, this really sweet and really strong red wine. then he leaves to take care of some business and tells me to stop by later for another drink.
i am now left with his assistant joscha, from slovakia but now living in croatia, who speaks as much german or english as i do croatian. i draw pictograms in an attempt to communicate. hes precious and drunk in an old mediterranean man sort of way. i get up to take a picture of boats in the harbor and all of a sudden hes dragging me (like seriously pulling me by the arm) to a ferry about to leave the dock so i can get a picture with the captain. im totally against it but by the time we get to the boat its too late. so we pose. and the captain wants to kiss me in the picture. but joscha takes too long in taking th epicture and the kiss on the cheek turns into a kiss on the lips and then a french-kiss attempt! so i now have photographic evidence of a croatian boat captain trying to tongue rape me amidst his onlooking crew (which included a hot young barman) and tons of tourists. and then he even points out this waterfront cafe where he goes to every night and tells me i should stop by!! yikes!!!!
so then im about to leave and go get something to eat when the owner comes back and insists on me going with them for lunch. i figured wed go to a cafe in the harbor. but no i am ushered into his jeep, too weakened by prosek to resist, and we drive about 4km outside the town to his so-called lodge/camp. theres some guy grilling and three other guys. luckily some woman showed up. we eat what in raw form looked like the thickest chunk of bacon ever, with salad and bread. and then she gives me what i thought to be apple juice but turns out to be another home-made wine. the whole time its apparent that joscha has developed a crush on me. and everyody constantly makes fun of him for it. the boss and joscha head out to run some errands. he says theyll be back in about 20min so i wait patiently reading a book i had in my bag.
they finally return. and among a bit of tumult, i dont register that they have all left and i am now left alone on the side of a croatian mountain with joscha. starting to get impatient and thinking maybe my mom was right about the russian mafia thing. so i ask joscha as best i can when theyll come back to get us. he has no clue and tries to call the boss on his cell phone but no response. so i decided to walk it back. not that the way back was super complicated, but im very glad that on the way over i took special attention to note landmarks (just in case!). so joscha and i make our way down the hill. all the time he tries to hold my hand and see if i will go snorkeling/diving with him the next day???? oh, and he makes a few attempts at a kiss as well!
finally back in jelsa, i tell him firmly that i am going my own way from here and tell him thanks but no and BYE! aarrrggghhh, dunno what to do now! still want to rent a bike though. but i need to avoid that rental shop like the plague for at least a few days now! shame the town is so small. dont want to rent a bike from somenone else and have it get back to him. though its not like i owe him anything. so weird though! hope joscha isnt waiting outside my hotel when i get back! eeeekkkk. in case i do disappear for some reason, joschas boss is named jashka, i think. and he was last seen wearing a shirt with the name corolla (???) on the back. i think i will be taking all-day trips to other towns the next few days.
i am now left with his assistant joscha, from slovakia but now living in croatia, who speaks as much german or english as i do croatian. i draw pictograms in an attempt to communicate. hes precious and drunk in an old mediterranean man sort of way. i get up to take a picture of boats in the harbor and all of a sudden hes dragging me (like seriously pulling me by the arm) to a ferry about to leave the dock so i can get a picture with the captain. im totally against it but by the time we get to the boat its too late. so we pose. and the captain wants to kiss me in the picture. but joscha takes too long in taking th epicture and the kiss on the cheek turns into a kiss on the lips and then a french-kiss attempt! so i now have photographic evidence of a croatian boat captain trying to tongue rape me amidst his onlooking crew (which included a hot young barman) and tons of tourists. and then he even points out this waterfront cafe where he goes to every night and tells me i should stop by!! yikes!!!!
so then im about to leave and go get something to eat when the owner comes back and insists on me going with them for lunch. i figured wed go to a cafe in the harbor. but no i am ushered into his jeep, too weakened by prosek to resist, and we drive about 4km outside the town to his so-called lodge/camp. theres some guy grilling and three other guys. luckily some woman showed up. we eat what in raw form looked like the thickest chunk of bacon ever, with salad and bread. and then she gives me what i thought to be apple juice but turns out to be another home-made wine. the whole time its apparent that joscha has developed a crush on me. and everyody constantly makes fun of him for it. the boss and joscha head out to run some errands. he says theyll be back in about 20min so i wait patiently reading a book i had in my bag.
they finally return. and among a bit of tumult, i dont register that they have all left and i am now left alone on the side of a croatian mountain with joscha. starting to get impatient and thinking maybe my mom was right about the russian mafia thing. so i ask joscha as best i can when theyll come back to get us. he has no clue and tries to call the boss on his cell phone but no response. so i decided to walk it back. not that the way back was super complicated, but im very glad that on the way over i took special attention to note landmarks (just in case!). so joscha and i make our way down the hill. all the time he tries to hold my hand and see if i will go snorkeling/diving with him the next day???? oh, and he makes a few attempts at a kiss as well!
finally back in jelsa, i tell him firmly that i am going my own way from here and tell him thanks but no and BYE! aarrrggghhh, dunno what to do now! still want to rent a bike though. but i need to avoid that rental shop like the plague for at least a few days now! shame the town is so small. dont want to rent a bike from somenone else and have it get back to him. though its not like i owe him anything. so weird though! hope joscha isnt waiting outside my hotel when i get back! eeeekkkk. in case i do disappear for some reason, joschas boss is named jashka, i think. and he was last seen wearing a shirt with the name corolla (???) on the back. i think i will be taking all-day trips to other towns the next few days.