[Series] Behind my mask - Chapter 13 / 26
Title: Behind my mask
Author: andreja1989
Lenght: multichapter
Pairing: Sakuraiba, slight Ohmiya, AibaxOC (Hamada Sumiko), JunxOC (Yoshida Rae)
Rating for this chapter: PG-13
Genre: AU, romance, angst, action, fantasy, fluff, school life
Disclaimer: I don't own them, sadly. I own only the OC xD
Summary: He is perfect in many ways because it's how he has to be since he is a butler to the young heir, trying to hide his failures and how much he cares for the young master. On the other side, the heir has a stubborn, arrogant, bratty attitude towards everything around him, especially his butler and always gets what he wants. Is he also hiding something, even from himself? Can these two cope with each other, be honest to each other? What is behind their masks that they show to the world? Can it be something that goes beyond a butler-heir relationship? And what if the danger is at the every little corner of their way, people trying to find out the secret behind Aiba’s family?
<--- PREVIOUS: CHAPTER 12 ~ The assaulter ||| NEXT: CHAPTER 14 ~ Longing and planning --->
___________________________
In the previous chapter Aiba and Sho ran to get home as they wanted to know if everything was okay after the break in. The readers were slightly introduced to their homeroom teacher who will appear later too so just in case I wanted to let you guys know about him. Then when getting home the pair had to check their rooms if anything was missing. Sho was really anxious if 'something' was missing from his room and was glad when realizing it was still there. In Aiba's room they encountered the assaulter who wasn't actually connected to the ones that broke in. While the assaulter tried to run away, Aiba found himself in danger and Sho protected him again. When the police took care of that man, Aiba's grandfather showed his 'anger' about the closeness between Sho and Aiba which followed into Aiba protecting Sho and didn't side up with his grandfather.
In the next chapter I warn you please have some tissues ready, just in case because the chapter is really sad... firstly it's about Aiba and at the end it's about Sho. So somehow sadness overload xDD The two most important questions for this chapter are: Where will Sho take Aiba and how will this influance Aiba. And: What will be Aiba's sudden decision which will influance Sho this time :P. Lol I soooo complicate things while you should just read it xDD Will stop talking so now please enjoy reading the chapter ^^
Chapter 13 ~ Grief, guilt and love
Aiba was running back up the stairs again, the first aid kit in his hands, his mind still focused on the little scene that happened between him and his grandfather. Did I just side with Sho-kun and not with grandpa? What was about that laugh that grandpa gave me and about those words about how I changed for the better? Did I really change that much? I need to ask them because I really don't understand… He wondered as he reached his room again and slowly stepped inside.
Sho stood there by the window, the sunrays enlightening his figure, his melancholic expression and he noticed the torn sleeve up on Sho's upper arm. Shivers ran down his back as he remembered Sho's surprised and anxious voice, calling his name as he pushed him aside, taking the consequences on his own body. I guess… I have to thank him again… Aiba thought and noticed that grandfather was no longer in the room. He left? “Sho-kun?” Aiba called to gain his butler’s attention who slowly turned to him. “Where is grandfather?”
“He left to his room, he said he has some more formalities about the break in to report. After all it’s his house.”
“I see. Ne~ what happened before I went to get the aid kit?” Aiba asked, this question lingering around his mind all the time.
“Oh that? I’m sorry but the elder and I tricked you a little bit. When I told him about your change to the better through the phone, he wouldn’t believe it so he asked me to act for him.”
“Eh?” Aiba muttered, thinking wildly inside his mind, “You two tricked me?”
Sho smiled genuinely, “It was quite easy.” Aiba slightly pouted and Sho quickly continued, “You know your grandfather is still strong, his slap was really powerful.”
“Who told you to accept it willingly, blame yourself for being hit, right now I would do so too but won’t because I think that one was enough. Grandfather can be really scary.”
“Don’t worry, he apologized properly.”
“Eh? Really?” Aiba frowned a little, “Are you joking with me again, I never saw grandfather apologize to anyone…”
“No wonder, he always does it when you aren’t around, he is too proud.” Sho grinned at Aiba who observed him stunningly.
“That’s indeed something new…” Aiba muttered when Sho came closer, took the aid kit from his arms.
“Well then, thanks for this, I shall take care of myself now.” Sho indicated to the box, was ready to leave when Aiba quickly caught his arm and pulled him back, Sho silently wincing by the slight pain in his upper arm.
“Let me…”
“It’s fine…”
“Let me!” Aiba glared at Sho a bit more intensively, tugged on his arm a little but his voice wasn’t ordering him, it was more like asking him to accept his help. Sho observed Aiba a bit longer but then agreed.
***
“Ne~ this makes it second…” Aiba uttered while tending Sho’s cut, finishing disinfecting it, sitting cross-legged on his bed while Sho sat on the edge of it, his torso covered only with his undershirt.
“Second?” Sho asked perplexed.
“I mean this will be the second mark that will prove that you got hurt because of helping me…”
“Oh but… don’t dwell on that please… I don’t want you to feel troubled by it, besides I save you because I want to and not only because it’s something I have to as my job which is still being a butler for you. I do everything willingly…”
“Because you are also my friend ne~?”
Sho waited for a few moments to answer, “Hai…” His voice a little bit melancholic and stayed quiet as he didn’t know how to open a delicate topic, what he did was let Aiba bandage his wound. Beside the fact that he didn’t know which words to use, he also felt slight fright to slowly open up to Aiba. Who would have thought that the same man was like a wild beast when facing the assaulter not long ago this day but now hid his tail between his legs like a scared puppy. At the same time Aiba also didn’t quite know what to talk about so he rather concentrated on the bandage, knowing that his skills weren’t that good to begin with. “Ne~ umm…” Sho started after passing minutes to gain Aiba’s attention who only hummed something in return, letting the butler know that he is listening. “Can I take you somewhere when you are done?”
“Oh where?”
“Ummm… can we let that stay a secret until we get there? But I just need to take you there… I know I haven’t paid much attention to that part of your needs so I wish to finally let you breathe from the tension that piled up inside of you.”
“You frighten me with your long and sentimental explanation.” Aiba joked but noticed that Sho’s face was still calm and serious. “Okay, let’s go. You would insist anyway, am I right?”
“You are.” Sho smiled.
“Okay we are done here.” Aiba also declared as he made sure that the bandage will stay in place. Sho moved his arm a little to see if it’s okay to move it.
“Thank you. Now I will just need to change my clothes, I can’t go out with this torn one.” Sho explained while gathering his clothes that were neatly lying on the bed. “Please be ready to leave in ten minutes, I will also inform our driver and your grandfather.”
***
“We are here.” Sho announced after the short ride, stepped out and held the door for Aiba to come out of it too. Aiba stood up and immediately recognized the surroundings.
“Ano… I... Sho-kun… I don’t think I can…” Aiba suddenly murmured, heavy weight pressing on his heart, his chest clenching as his eyes captured the image of the town’s cemetery. His palms that were still holding the top of the doors were now clenching and he lowered his head which obviously didn’t escape his butler who observed him closely.
“Aiba-kun… it’s okay, I’m here, I will go with you. Maybe it’s not my business but I want you to get free, you shouldn’t hold all of this inside of you, please face this, be strong… You will feel better.” Sho placed his palm on Aiba’s shoulder and noticed how the heir looked at him, uncertain if he should listen to him but slowly gave in and nodded in affirmation. Sho smiled encouraging and they started to walk towards the doors to the cemetery.
Aiba freshly remembered himself going through this way a bit more than a month ago, grandfather’s people carrying two coffins with Aiba’s parent’s remains while he had a cold expression, not even a single tear falling down his cheek. It was as if time and feelings stopped for him, as if he locked it all inside his heart the moment his parents died.
Walking through the cemetery doors, revealed a long path, smaller ones reaching on left and right, revealing numerous graves, some abandoned some neatly taken care of, everyone having different tombstone with names and good wishes for the ones who passed away. Aiba slowly walked behind Sho, hardly able to look up, the path seeming to be really interesting while he really didn’t pay attention to where he was walking. Sho knew how hard this path was for Aiba and didn’t dare to stop or turn around or the heir would change his mind and flee back to the car, he only peeked from time to time only to see if the heir was still following him. They also met a few people along the way but no one bothered with them more that to greet Sho who was first and sending sentimental looks towards Aiba.
After numerous rows that Aiba didn’t count, Sho turned right and Aiba still followed him until Sho finally stopped and turned around to look at Aiba. “Here we are…” Sho indicated, wishing for Aiba to slowly raise his view which the heir did after a few long moments of silence between them. Firstly he noticed sand on the ground, planted flowers which bloomed in beautiful colors, then higher the vase with beautiful, fresh bouquet in it and finally seeing marble tombstone with golden names of his parents, the day of their births and death. Below that was also a short note.
Loving parents joined by the eternity.
Aiba was still holding back after seeing the beautiful, cared for grave of his parents but his expression was painful, grimaced, lump stuck hardly at his throat, barely able to hold back his tears.
“Aiba-kun… Please don’t hold your pain inside yourself. Grief all you want… Let it go as if I wasn’t here, pretend that I’m just a stone or a wind… I…” Sho started to talk but stopped as Aiba suddenly fell down on his knees, let go of his restrains, broke down into tears. Sho was startled but knew that this was the best, Aiba had to let this pain go. He took two steps back to give Aiba some more privacy and observed the weeping man, clenching his fists, sand on the path digging deeply into his palms, his tears streaming down his face.
“Mom…” Aiba suddenly called, flashes of memories of his mother flowing through his mind. “Mom… why did you soooo like to… sniff… cook in the kitchen… sniff… the maids were doing that… sniff… but you always… wanted to help them… sniff… I see you… turning around… dancing through the pots and vegetables… sniff… you were such a great mom… I really… really love you! Mom… your hands were so gentle… sniff… you always made sure to come and cover me up before sleep… sniff… mom… your smile was so bright… where are you now? I can’t see that anymore! Mom!” Aiba wailed some more, his head lowly, almost touching the ground. “Dad… sniff… you… you so liked to read… I still remember all those stories you told me… sniff… I liked listening to them… sniff… the way you told them… made me believe even in magic… sniff… Dad… you were so caring… sniff… you knew how to listen to me… you were there! Who will be here to… to give me the courage to go on… I can’t stand on my own… I need you! I need you both! I miss you so much… It’s not easy… sniff… to go through life without you two… beside my side!” He reached with his hand for the tombstone, grazing the names carefully. “What’s left are only those fleeting memories… sniff… that horrible nightmare that took you two away from me… and your names… Mom… dad… please… come back… sniff… I’m lonely… nothing is the same without you two!” Aiba wailed again, his chest awfully hurting by all the pain that he felt at the moment, he felt as if his chest will blow open any minute, his eyes were burning too by all the crying, his cheeks wet, throat sore and he didn’t intend to stop any time soon. He didn’t talk or wail anymore, he let his memories invade his mind while he continued to cry loudly not caring what would someone who passes by think. That simple thing didn’t matter, he didn’t notice anything, his feelings were numb, all he saw were images of his parents, their tombstone and all he heard were their voices, telling his stories, calling for his name or just simply talk with each other. Nothing else mattered until the moment he heard the sand behind him move. Suddenly he remembered about Sho still being there and before looking back he was afraid that Sho was leaving, leaving him alone there to his grief, leaving him because of the crybaby that wept after his parents but to his surprise he saw Sho kneel too, his head down casted, hair covering his face but Aiba knew that Sho was affected too, his shoulders were trembling and his palm reached for his face, covering the half of it as if he tried to hide something behind it. Suddenly Nino’s words rushed into his mind:
“Masks are meant to hide emotions, you do it all the time and it’s also Sho-kun who does that. Everyone has a side to themselves that they can’t show to just anyone but sometimes masks crack. There appears a tiny crack and if you notice it before the person hides or fixes it again, you get the chance to see what’s under it.”
Aiba slowly crawled to Sho who turned his head away, knowing about Aiba’s closer presence. “Sho-kun… sniff… you…” Aiba reached his hand towards Sho’s face to make him raise his head so that he would be able to see it but Sho’s hand on his stopped him while his head still didn’t raise. Aiba’s tears were still not stopping and he felt slight tremble of Sho’s palm on his wrist. No one said anything, no one dared to do anything than cry, letting their grief and pain go.
“I’m sorry…” Sho suddenly started with a broken voice. “I’m so sorry… I couldn’t…”
“Sho-kun… you… also suffered?”
“I was too late… I curse myself for that! Blame me! I don’t care about that because… it’s me… I should have been… there… I should have helped…” Sho suddenly raised his head, oblivious to his messy, teary face, maskless for the first time in front of Aiba’s eyes who couldn’t bear to see his friend this broken down. He never imagined that the cool, patient, expressionless man had been building guilt inside him, it was something he couldn’t process at the moment but at the same time realized that he was really selfish, thought only about himself, only about how he was involved in this. Never did he think about how other thought, felt. How did his grandfather think after losing his daughter and even less about Sho who was involved into this too. Being too emotional, mixed feelings overwhelming him he was only able to circle his hands around Sho’s neck, pulling the man to his chest while the heir still continued to wail, Sho’s palms, for the first time embracing the man back, both weeping and weeping, guilt mixing with pain and suffering, grief with supporting each other.
“Sho-kun… I don’t blame you… I never should have… sniff… you… you are really amazing… I never realized that before… sniff… You took all of this on your shoulders, carried this weight of guilt inside your heart… Maybe it’s as you said… I should let go of my pain of grief but you should let go of your guilt because it’s not your fault. It wasn’t you who started the fire but…” Aiba loosened the hold on Sho and Sho looked up at Aiba, waiting for him to continue, “…thank you… at least you saved my life… I didn’t thank you before… I’m really glad you did, if it weren’t for you…” He pointed towards the tombstone, “…there would be three names now…”
Sho followed Aiba’s gaze, looking at the two names and shivered slightly at the thought of Aiba’s name being among them. He shook that thought away, breathed deeply to slowly regain his composure, slightly ashamed that Aiba got to see this side of him but at the same time it felt refreshing, as if a part of his weight he had on his shoulders has been removed. He reached inside his pocket for a handkerchief and wiped his tears away, slowly getting up, reached inside his pocket again for another tissue and handed it to Aiba. “Aiba-kun… let’s leave the past in the past… It’s hard but we can’t change what happened, we only need to face it and overwhelm it. Start from the beginning and let this memory be only one of your steps in your life, something that will make you stronger. I believe this is also what your parents would want if they were with you. I talked to them a few times when they were alive and they seemed to really wish for your happiness, to enjoy your life to the fullest. Make them proud.”
Aiba slowly got up too, feeling glad that a certain part of him was released from his restrains, crying from time to time feels good and makes you look at things differently. As Sho said, this was where they can start anew, both of them. “We both need to do our best okay? I can’t try if I don’t see you trying also.”
Sho smiled brightly, nodding while he turned his view to the grave again while listening to birds chirp at the nearest tree and Aiba’s steady breathing beside him, staring at the grave too, this time feeling no need to break down in tears again. Knowing that someone was there beside him, feeling similar as him, understanding his pain was relieving and calming. There is still a lot before us Aiba-kun… for now we can be carefree, at least you… we can still be as those birds on the tree, flying highly into the broad sky, anywhere we want. We may get hurt but unless we are captured and encaged, we can still feel the true meaning behind freedom and happiness. Sho thought while clapping his hands together and murmured a slight prayer for the lost souls while Aiba did the same, praying for his parents to meet up high in the heaven and that they will watch over him, protecting him as they always did.
“Ne~…” Aiba uttered to gain Sho’s attention, “Did you take care of their grave?”
Sho turned back to the grave, looking at the blooming flowers in the earth and those in the vase. “Hai…”
“Thank you, it looks nice… taken care of…” Aiba thanked.
“You are welcome.” Sho replied and the atmosphere suddenly turned nice, comfortable, they shared a few more moments there, standing in silence until Sho proposed to go back. “Whenever you want to go here again, just tell me, I will take you.” Aiba nodded and happily followed Sho back, the way much more pleasant that it was before when they came here, this time Aiba hopping beside Sho, his arms at his back, smiling brightly as he looked at the clear sky. It feels like I’m free now… Aiba thought silently.
***
[A month later…]
“You look really excited lately Aiba-kun and today so much more. Mind sharing what’s up?” Nino asked intrigued as they all sat in class, having their self-study lecture. Nino and Ohno moved closer to Aiba to hear his explanation, Jun who was one row behind them with Rae did the same while Sho beside Aiba pretended to be busy with his book that was opened beside him, as if he was studying while knowing exactly what made the heir this excited. It has been a month since he told Aiba to start his life from the scratch but never did he think that he would resolve to this kind of decision that was eating Sho’s heart and mind up, crumbling in pieces while he had to pretend to be indifferent to it.
[“Sho-kun… Can I ask you for an opinion?” Aiba asked at the breakfast this morning.
“Sure you can, I will give you my best suggestion I can.” Sho replied while filling Aiba’s glass with fresh milk and then sat beside the heir who sat at the large table.
“I have been thinking lately… About Hamada-chan’s confession a month ago.” Aiba proclaimed his dilemma while Sho froze by the heard words, waiting for the continuation, “We got to know her during this time and I think I started to like her, I plan to tell her today that I want to try… us…” Aiba slightly flushed by the said words, his view low until now but he peeked over at Sho, waiting for the reaction.
“And? What do you want to hear from me?” Sho asked, his voice cold, his face negligent. It was true that it has been a month but Sho was always distant towards her, not yet feeling to be able to trust her. After all, his trust towards Rae was also not entirely true yet. He more trusted Jun and his choice of girl than Sho’s actual trust in her. For the new girl, he felt uneasy about her. She was somehow the same as Rae, that much did he investigated but seeing the cheerful smile of hers, her nice behavior, all that made him doubt his judgment. Was it because it was considering Aiba’s personal love life? During this month, Sho was patient, tried his best to get to know her but still he felt himself distancing himself whenever she was around. Still, Sho felt it wasn’t that much of her that was the problem, it was him that couldn’t trust new people around Aiba, it was his sense that told him to prevent any harm to be inflicted upon Aiba’s pure soul.
“Sho-kun… I mean you always check my friends and all… Is she okay? Because I think she is. She really is like me, she also understands me, we have many things to talk about, she is cute and she makes me smile and warm at my heart…… Ne~ are you listening?” Aiba asked after a pause when seeing Sho’s distant look in his eyes.
“I think I can’t help you this time… When it concerns a person you love and want to be with I can’t force my opinion on you. It has to be your decision. If it’s wrong, you know it will be you who would know what you did wrong and what to make better the next time.”
“I get your point but does that mean that if you knew that she is not the right person for me, would you stay still and don’t do anything?” Aiba asked with interest.
“It depends on the situation. If I knew that she would hurt you, then I would act, if not then I would let you handle it by yourself. After all it can also be you who would be responsible for the failed relationship. For now do as you wish, I can’t influence you.”
Aiba smiled happily, “Then wish me good luck because I will ask Hamada-chan to go out with me today.”
“Good luck.” Sho replied emotionless.
“That didn’t sound earnestly…” Aiba pouted and waving around with his fork.
“I’m sorry… I have a lot on my mind recently.”
“I see, it’s okay.” Aiba beamed with his smile again, joy raising his spirits up again and he quickly continued to eat his breakfast, his view not noticing the melancholic, distant look in Sho’s eyes yet again.]
Aiba enthusiastically explained his plan to his friends while Sho leaned on his opened palm, elbow resting on the desk before him, his view pointing towards the book, still pretending to be deep in the calculations while his mind was wildly roaming. Aiba-kun… I hope your decision is the right one but if this makes you smile so brightly, that smile that melts my heart away… then I don’t mind who makes you this happy. Even if it’s not me… Smile please, have fun and don’t ever notice me please… Me and my feelings might hurt you if you do notice. It’s something you can’t expect from me, I’m the one who will once hurt your feelings once again. The secret of your family is safe with me until that day. That secret and also my hidden, not allowed feelings for you too. Everything is locked inside me, the lock can’t be broken yet, let my heart be locked for a little bit longer. Please find your own happiness the best you can while I… I will silently continue to love you.
If I would tell you
how much you mean to me
I think you wouldn't understand it.
So I'll wait, I'll wait until
this day comes
when you will understand me.
(I can't help myself by Kelly Family)
_________________________________
A/N: So yeah finally Sho admitted to you readers that he loves Aiba!!!! <3 Oh and that wasn't his realization, he knows it for long already ^^ But Aiba's decision is tough on him and I wonder how will they fix all that :) And no worries, Hamada Sumiko will be only for 2 chapters hahaha ^^
There are also a few things I want to notice my readers about:
- I have some extra chapters written but I might be on a slight hiatus for some time, am not sure... I will post the chapters that I have and I hope I will be able to write new ones during the time... Why hiatus? 1. I have my wisdom tooth extraction on Tuesday, I hope it goes well and not too painful... 2. my exams start... the first one is on 24th (if my tooth will be okay...) so I think for a month I will be more concentrated on exams and the second tooth extraction on the 21st of February... But as you all know An-chan is doing her best ^^
- If someone is on Facebook and wants to have some more informations and my blabbering about my stories, I created a group... it's Anny-chan's fanfictions but I have to add you if you want to join. I'm not sure if you can see the group and me as administrator... So if there is someone just tell me your user name and I shall add you ^^
- If someone still wants to add me on twitter where I blabber about random stuff and fanfics, add me, I have the same username as here on LJ :)
I think that's all for now and I hope you enjoyed this update, any comments/critique/thoughts are welcomed and we see each other next Sunday (22nd of January) xDD
Author: andreja1989
Lenght: multichapter
Pairing: Sakuraiba, slight Ohmiya, AibaxOC (Hamada Sumiko), JunxOC (Yoshida Rae)
Rating for this chapter: PG-13
Genre: AU, romance, angst, action, fantasy, fluff, school life
Disclaimer: I don't own them, sadly. I own only the OC xD
Summary: He is perfect in many ways because it's how he has to be since he is a butler to the young heir, trying to hide his failures and how much he cares for the young master. On the other side, the heir has a stubborn, arrogant, bratty attitude towards everything around him, especially his butler and always gets what he wants. Is he also hiding something, even from himself? Can these two cope with each other, be honest to each other? What is behind their masks that they show to the world? Can it be something that goes beyond a butler-heir relationship? And what if the danger is at the every little corner of their way, people trying to find out the secret behind Aiba’s family?
<--- PREVIOUS: CHAPTER 12 ~ The assaulter ||| NEXT: CHAPTER 14 ~ Longing and planning --->
___________________________
In the previous chapter Aiba and Sho ran to get home as they wanted to know if everything was okay after the break in. The readers were slightly introduced to their homeroom teacher who will appear later too so just in case I wanted to let you guys know about him. Then when getting home the pair had to check their rooms if anything was missing. Sho was really anxious if 'something' was missing from his room and was glad when realizing it was still there. In Aiba's room they encountered the assaulter who wasn't actually connected to the ones that broke in. While the assaulter tried to run away, Aiba found himself in danger and Sho protected him again. When the police took care of that man, Aiba's grandfather showed his 'anger' about the closeness between Sho and Aiba which followed into Aiba protecting Sho and didn't side up with his grandfather.
In the next chapter I warn you please have some tissues ready, just in case because the chapter is really sad... firstly it's about Aiba and at the end it's about Sho. So somehow sadness overload xDD The two most important questions for this chapter are: Where will Sho take Aiba and how will this influance Aiba. And: What will be Aiba's sudden decision which will influance Sho this time :P. Lol I soooo complicate things while you should just read it xDD Will stop talking so now please enjoy reading the chapter ^^
Chapter 13 ~ Grief, guilt and love
Aiba was running back up the stairs again, the first aid kit in his hands, his mind still focused on the little scene that happened between him and his grandfather. Did I just side with Sho-kun and not with grandpa? What was about that laugh that grandpa gave me and about those words about how I changed for the better? Did I really change that much? I need to ask them because I really don't understand… He wondered as he reached his room again and slowly stepped inside.
Sho stood there by the window, the sunrays enlightening his figure, his melancholic expression and he noticed the torn sleeve up on Sho's upper arm. Shivers ran down his back as he remembered Sho's surprised and anxious voice, calling his name as he pushed him aside, taking the consequences on his own body. I guess… I have to thank him again… Aiba thought and noticed that grandfather was no longer in the room. He left? “Sho-kun?” Aiba called to gain his butler’s attention who slowly turned to him. “Where is grandfather?”
“He left to his room, he said he has some more formalities about the break in to report. After all it’s his house.”
“I see. Ne~ what happened before I went to get the aid kit?” Aiba asked, this question lingering around his mind all the time.
“Oh that? I’m sorry but the elder and I tricked you a little bit. When I told him about your change to the better through the phone, he wouldn’t believe it so he asked me to act for him.”
“Eh?” Aiba muttered, thinking wildly inside his mind, “You two tricked me?”
Sho smiled genuinely, “It was quite easy.” Aiba slightly pouted and Sho quickly continued, “You know your grandfather is still strong, his slap was really powerful.”
“Who told you to accept it willingly, blame yourself for being hit, right now I would do so too but won’t because I think that one was enough. Grandfather can be really scary.”
“Don’t worry, he apologized properly.”
“Eh? Really?” Aiba frowned a little, “Are you joking with me again, I never saw grandfather apologize to anyone…”
“No wonder, he always does it when you aren’t around, he is too proud.” Sho grinned at Aiba who observed him stunningly.
“That’s indeed something new…” Aiba muttered when Sho came closer, took the aid kit from his arms.
“Well then, thanks for this, I shall take care of myself now.” Sho indicated to the box, was ready to leave when Aiba quickly caught his arm and pulled him back, Sho silently wincing by the slight pain in his upper arm.
“Let me…”
“It’s fine…”
“Let me!” Aiba glared at Sho a bit more intensively, tugged on his arm a little but his voice wasn’t ordering him, it was more like asking him to accept his help. Sho observed Aiba a bit longer but then agreed.
***
“Ne~ this makes it second…” Aiba uttered while tending Sho’s cut, finishing disinfecting it, sitting cross-legged on his bed while Sho sat on the edge of it, his torso covered only with his undershirt.
“Second?” Sho asked perplexed.
“I mean this will be the second mark that will prove that you got hurt because of helping me…”
“Oh but… don’t dwell on that please… I don’t want you to feel troubled by it, besides I save you because I want to and not only because it’s something I have to as my job which is still being a butler for you. I do everything willingly…”
“Because you are also my friend ne~?”
Sho waited for a few moments to answer, “Hai…” His voice a little bit melancholic and stayed quiet as he didn’t know how to open a delicate topic, what he did was let Aiba bandage his wound. Beside the fact that he didn’t know which words to use, he also felt slight fright to slowly open up to Aiba. Who would have thought that the same man was like a wild beast when facing the assaulter not long ago this day but now hid his tail between his legs like a scared puppy. At the same time Aiba also didn’t quite know what to talk about so he rather concentrated on the bandage, knowing that his skills weren’t that good to begin with. “Ne~ umm…” Sho started after passing minutes to gain Aiba’s attention who only hummed something in return, letting the butler know that he is listening. “Can I take you somewhere when you are done?”
“Oh where?”
“Ummm… can we let that stay a secret until we get there? But I just need to take you there… I know I haven’t paid much attention to that part of your needs so I wish to finally let you breathe from the tension that piled up inside of you.”
“You frighten me with your long and sentimental explanation.” Aiba joked but noticed that Sho’s face was still calm and serious. “Okay, let’s go. You would insist anyway, am I right?”
“You are.” Sho smiled.
“Okay we are done here.” Aiba also declared as he made sure that the bandage will stay in place. Sho moved his arm a little to see if it’s okay to move it.
“Thank you. Now I will just need to change my clothes, I can’t go out with this torn one.” Sho explained while gathering his clothes that were neatly lying on the bed. “Please be ready to leave in ten minutes, I will also inform our driver and your grandfather.”
***
“We are here.” Sho announced after the short ride, stepped out and held the door for Aiba to come out of it too. Aiba stood up and immediately recognized the surroundings.
“Ano… I... Sho-kun… I don’t think I can…” Aiba suddenly murmured, heavy weight pressing on his heart, his chest clenching as his eyes captured the image of the town’s cemetery. His palms that were still holding the top of the doors were now clenching and he lowered his head which obviously didn’t escape his butler who observed him closely.
“Aiba-kun… it’s okay, I’m here, I will go with you. Maybe it’s not my business but I want you to get free, you shouldn’t hold all of this inside of you, please face this, be strong… You will feel better.” Sho placed his palm on Aiba’s shoulder and noticed how the heir looked at him, uncertain if he should listen to him but slowly gave in and nodded in affirmation. Sho smiled encouraging and they started to walk towards the doors to the cemetery.
Aiba freshly remembered himself going through this way a bit more than a month ago, grandfather’s people carrying two coffins with Aiba’s parent’s remains while he had a cold expression, not even a single tear falling down his cheek. It was as if time and feelings stopped for him, as if he locked it all inside his heart the moment his parents died.
Walking through the cemetery doors, revealed a long path, smaller ones reaching on left and right, revealing numerous graves, some abandoned some neatly taken care of, everyone having different tombstone with names and good wishes for the ones who passed away. Aiba slowly walked behind Sho, hardly able to look up, the path seeming to be really interesting while he really didn’t pay attention to where he was walking. Sho knew how hard this path was for Aiba and didn’t dare to stop or turn around or the heir would change his mind and flee back to the car, he only peeked from time to time only to see if the heir was still following him. They also met a few people along the way but no one bothered with them more that to greet Sho who was first and sending sentimental looks towards Aiba.
After numerous rows that Aiba didn’t count, Sho turned right and Aiba still followed him until Sho finally stopped and turned around to look at Aiba. “Here we are…” Sho indicated, wishing for Aiba to slowly raise his view which the heir did after a few long moments of silence between them. Firstly he noticed sand on the ground, planted flowers which bloomed in beautiful colors, then higher the vase with beautiful, fresh bouquet in it and finally seeing marble tombstone with golden names of his parents, the day of their births and death. Below that was also a short note.
Loving parents joined by the eternity.
Aiba was still holding back after seeing the beautiful, cared for grave of his parents but his expression was painful, grimaced, lump stuck hardly at his throat, barely able to hold back his tears.
“Aiba-kun… Please don’t hold your pain inside yourself. Grief all you want… Let it go as if I wasn’t here, pretend that I’m just a stone or a wind… I…” Sho started to talk but stopped as Aiba suddenly fell down on his knees, let go of his restrains, broke down into tears. Sho was startled but knew that this was the best, Aiba had to let this pain go. He took two steps back to give Aiba some more privacy and observed the weeping man, clenching his fists, sand on the path digging deeply into his palms, his tears streaming down his face.
“Mom…” Aiba suddenly called, flashes of memories of his mother flowing through his mind. “Mom… why did you soooo like to… sniff… cook in the kitchen… sniff… the maids were doing that… sniff… but you always… wanted to help them… sniff… I see you… turning around… dancing through the pots and vegetables… sniff… you were such a great mom… I really… really love you! Mom… your hands were so gentle… sniff… you always made sure to come and cover me up before sleep… sniff… mom… your smile was so bright… where are you now? I can’t see that anymore! Mom!” Aiba wailed some more, his head lowly, almost touching the ground. “Dad… sniff… you… you so liked to read… I still remember all those stories you told me… sniff… I liked listening to them… sniff… the way you told them… made me believe even in magic… sniff… Dad… you were so caring… sniff… you knew how to listen to me… you were there! Who will be here to… to give me the courage to go on… I can’t stand on my own… I need you! I need you both! I miss you so much… It’s not easy… sniff… to go through life without you two… beside my side!” He reached with his hand for the tombstone, grazing the names carefully. “What’s left are only those fleeting memories… sniff… that horrible nightmare that took you two away from me… and your names… Mom… dad… please… come back… sniff… I’m lonely… nothing is the same without you two!” Aiba wailed again, his chest awfully hurting by all the pain that he felt at the moment, he felt as if his chest will blow open any minute, his eyes were burning too by all the crying, his cheeks wet, throat sore and he didn’t intend to stop any time soon. He didn’t talk or wail anymore, he let his memories invade his mind while he continued to cry loudly not caring what would someone who passes by think. That simple thing didn’t matter, he didn’t notice anything, his feelings were numb, all he saw were images of his parents, their tombstone and all he heard were their voices, telling his stories, calling for his name or just simply talk with each other. Nothing else mattered until the moment he heard the sand behind him move. Suddenly he remembered about Sho still being there and before looking back he was afraid that Sho was leaving, leaving him alone there to his grief, leaving him because of the crybaby that wept after his parents but to his surprise he saw Sho kneel too, his head down casted, hair covering his face but Aiba knew that Sho was affected too, his shoulders were trembling and his palm reached for his face, covering the half of it as if he tried to hide something behind it. Suddenly Nino’s words rushed into his mind:
“Masks are meant to hide emotions, you do it all the time and it’s also Sho-kun who does that. Everyone has a side to themselves that they can’t show to just anyone but sometimes masks crack. There appears a tiny crack and if you notice it before the person hides or fixes it again, you get the chance to see what’s under it.”
Aiba slowly crawled to Sho who turned his head away, knowing about Aiba’s closer presence. “Sho-kun… sniff… you…” Aiba reached his hand towards Sho’s face to make him raise his head so that he would be able to see it but Sho’s hand on his stopped him while his head still didn’t raise. Aiba’s tears were still not stopping and he felt slight tremble of Sho’s palm on his wrist. No one said anything, no one dared to do anything than cry, letting their grief and pain go.
“I’m sorry…” Sho suddenly started with a broken voice. “I’m so sorry… I couldn’t…”
“Sho-kun… you… also suffered?”
“I was too late… I curse myself for that! Blame me! I don’t care about that because… it’s me… I should have been… there… I should have helped…” Sho suddenly raised his head, oblivious to his messy, teary face, maskless for the first time in front of Aiba’s eyes who couldn’t bear to see his friend this broken down. He never imagined that the cool, patient, expressionless man had been building guilt inside him, it was something he couldn’t process at the moment but at the same time realized that he was really selfish, thought only about himself, only about how he was involved in this. Never did he think about how other thought, felt. How did his grandfather think after losing his daughter and even less about Sho who was involved into this too. Being too emotional, mixed feelings overwhelming him he was only able to circle his hands around Sho’s neck, pulling the man to his chest while the heir still continued to wail, Sho’s palms, for the first time embracing the man back, both weeping and weeping, guilt mixing with pain and suffering, grief with supporting each other.
“Sho-kun… I don’t blame you… I never should have… sniff… you… you are really amazing… I never realized that before… sniff… You took all of this on your shoulders, carried this weight of guilt inside your heart… Maybe it’s as you said… I should let go of my pain of grief but you should let go of your guilt because it’s not your fault. It wasn’t you who started the fire but…” Aiba loosened the hold on Sho and Sho looked up at Aiba, waiting for him to continue, “…thank you… at least you saved my life… I didn’t thank you before… I’m really glad you did, if it weren’t for you…” He pointed towards the tombstone, “…there would be three names now…”
Sho followed Aiba’s gaze, looking at the two names and shivered slightly at the thought of Aiba’s name being among them. He shook that thought away, breathed deeply to slowly regain his composure, slightly ashamed that Aiba got to see this side of him but at the same time it felt refreshing, as if a part of his weight he had on his shoulders has been removed. He reached inside his pocket for a handkerchief and wiped his tears away, slowly getting up, reached inside his pocket again for another tissue and handed it to Aiba. “Aiba-kun… let’s leave the past in the past… It’s hard but we can’t change what happened, we only need to face it and overwhelm it. Start from the beginning and let this memory be only one of your steps in your life, something that will make you stronger. I believe this is also what your parents would want if they were with you. I talked to them a few times when they were alive and they seemed to really wish for your happiness, to enjoy your life to the fullest. Make them proud.”
Aiba slowly got up too, feeling glad that a certain part of him was released from his restrains, crying from time to time feels good and makes you look at things differently. As Sho said, this was where they can start anew, both of them. “We both need to do our best okay? I can’t try if I don’t see you trying also.”
Sho smiled brightly, nodding while he turned his view to the grave again while listening to birds chirp at the nearest tree and Aiba’s steady breathing beside him, staring at the grave too, this time feeling no need to break down in tears again. Knowing that someone was there beside him, feeling similar as him, understanding his pain was relieving and calming. There is still a lot before us Aiba-kun… for now we can be carefree, at least you… we can still be as those birds on the tree, flying highly into the broad sky, anywhere we want. We may get hurt but unless we are captured and encaged, we can still feel the true meaning behind freedom and happiness. Sho thought while clapping his hands together and murmured a slight prayer for the lost souls while Aiba did the same, praying for his parents to meet up high in the heaven and that they will watch over him, protecting him as they always did.
“Ne~…” Aiba uttered to gain Sho’s attention, “Did you take care of their grave?”
Sho turned back to the grave, looking at the blooming flowers in the earth and those in the vase. “Hai…”
“Thank you, it looks nice… taken care of…” Aiba thanked.
“You are welcome.” Sho replied and the atmosphere suddenly turned nice, comfortable, they shared a few more moments there, standing in silence until Sho proposed to go back. “Whenever you want to go here again, just tell me, I will take you.” Aiba nodded and happily followed Sho back, the way much more pleasant that it was before when they came here, this time Aiba hopping beside Sho, his arms at his back, smiling brightly as he looked at the clear sky. It feels like I’m free now… Aiba thought silently.
***
[A month later…]
“You look really excited lately Aiba-kun and today so much more. Mind sharing what’s up?” Nino asked intrigued as they all sat in class, having their self-study lecture. Nino and Ohno moved closer to Aiba to hear his explanation, Jun who was one row behind them with Rae did the same while Sho beside Aiba pretended to be busy with his book that was opened beside him, as if he was studying while knowing exactly what made the heir this excited. It has been a month since he told Aiba to start his life from the scratch but never did he think that he would resolve to this kind of decision that was eating Sho’s heart and mind up, crumbling in pieces while he had to pretend to be indifferent to it.
[“Sho-kun… Can I ask you for an opinion?” Aiba asked at the breakfast this morning.
“Sure you can, I will give you my best suggestion I can.” Sho replied while filling Aiba’s glass with fresh milk and then sat beside the heir who sat at the large table.
“I have been thinking lately… About Hamada-chan’s confession a month ago.” Aiba proclaimed his dilemma while Sho froze by the heard words, waiting for the continuation, “We got to know her during this time and I think I started to like her, I plan to tell her today that I want to try… us…” Aiba slightly flushed by the said words, his view low until now but he peeked over at Sho, waiting for the reaction.
“And? What do you want to hear from me?” Sho asked, his voice cold, his face negligent. It was true that it has been a month but Sho was always distant towards her, not yet feeling to be able to trust her. After all, his trust towards Rae was also not entirely true yet. He more trusted Jun and his choice of girl than Sho’s actual trust in her. For the new girl, he felt uneasy about her. She was somehow the same as Rae, that much did he investigated but seeing the cheerful smile of hers, her nice behavior, all that made him doubt his judgment. Was it because it was considering Aiba’s personal love life? During this month, Sho was patient, tried his best to get to know her but still he felt himself distancing himself whenever she was around. Still, Sho felt it wasn’t that much of her that was the problem, it was him that couldn’t trust new people around Aiba, it was his sense that told him to prevent any harm to be inflicted upon Aiba’s pure soul.
“Sho-kun… I mean you always check my friends and all… Is she okay? Because I think she is. She really is like me, she also understands me, we have many things to talk about, she is cute and she makes me smile and warm at my heart…… Ne~ are you listening?” Aiba asked after a pause when seeing Sho’s distant look in his eyes.
“I think I can’t help you this time… When it concerns a person you love and want to be with I can’t force my opinion on you. It has to be your decision. If it’s wrong, you know it will be you who would know what you did wrong and what to make better the next time.”
“I get your point but does that mean that if you knew that she is not the right person for me, would you stay still and don’t do anything?” Aiba asked with interest.
“It depends on the situation. If I knew that she would hurt you, then I would act, if not then I would let you handle it by yourself. After all it can also be you who would be responsible for the failed relationship. For now do as you wish, I can’t influence you.”
Aiba smiled happily, “Then wish me good luck because I will ask Hamada-chan to go out with me today.”
“Good luck.” Sho replied emotionless.
“That didn’t sound earnestly…” Aiba pouted and waving around with his fork.
“I’m sorry… I have a lot on my mind recently.”
“I see, it’s okay.” Aiba beamed with his smile again, joy raising his spirits up again and he quickly continued to eat his breakfast, his view not noticing the melancholic, distant look in Sho’s eyes yet again.]
Aiba enthusiastically explained his plan to his friends while Sho leaned on his opened palm, elbow resting on the desk before him, his view pointing towards the book, still pretending to be deep in the calculations while his mind was wildly roaming. Aiba-kun… I hope your decision is the right one but if this makes you smile so brightly, that smile that melts my heart away… then I don’t mind who makes you this happy. Even if it’s not me… Smile please, have fun and don’t ever notice me please… Me and my feelings might hurt you if you do notice. It’s something you can’t expect from me, I’m the one who will once hurt your feelings once again. The secret of your family is safe with me until that day. That secret and also my hidden, not allowed feelings for you too. Everything is locked inside me, the lock can’t be broken yet, let my heart be locked for a little bit longer. Please find your own happiness the best you can while I… I will silently continue to love you.
If I would tell you
how much you mean to me
I think you wouldn't understand it.
So I'll wait, I'll wait until
this day comes
when you will understand me.
(I can't help myself by Kelly Family)
_________________________________
A/N: So yeah finally Sho admitted to you readers that he loves Aiba!!!! <3 Oh and that wasn't his realization, he knows it for long already ^^ But Aiba's decision is tough on him and I wonder how will they fix all that :) And no worries, Hamada Sumiko will be only for 2 chapters hahaha ^^
There are also a few things I want to notice my readers about:
- I have some extra chapters written but I might be on a slight hiatus for some time, am not sure... I will post the chapters that I have and I hope I will be able to write new ones during the time... Why hiatus? 1. I have my wisdom tooth extraction on Tuesday, I hope it goes well and not too painful... 2. my exams start... the first one is on 24th (if my tooth will be okay...) so I think for a month I will be more concentrated on exams and the second tooth extraction on the 21st of February... But as you all know An-chan is doing her best ^^
- If someone is on Facebook and wants to have some more informations and my blabbering about my stories, I created a group... it's Anny-chan's fanfictions but I have to add you if you want to join. I'm not sure if you can see the group and me as administrator... So if there is someone just tell me your user name and I shall add you ^^
- If someone still wants to add me on twitter where I blabber about random stuff and fanfics, add me, I have the same username as here on LJ :)
I think that's all for now and I hope you enjoyed this update, any comments/critique/thoughts are welcomed and we see each other next Sunday (22nd of January) xDD