I hate this!
I'm sitting at home all alone because I feel like complete shit! I hate being sick more than anything because I'm a complete whine bag! It'll be okay though because I have my Patrick who is taking care of me. Right now he is the only thing keeping me happy! Yesterday I got into a fight with one of my friends of 6 years and then my sister and her boyfriend began to chime in. Apparently everyone thinks I need help and I'm depressed. I was, keyword was, depressed and now I'm doing much better. I just wish everyone would let me work out this shit on my own. They are telling me to make up my mind and quit playing with people's hearts. Well, I've made up my mind and no one is even giving Patrick and I the time to see if this relationship is going to work. I hope more than anything that it will because I love him will all that I have, but we've been through a lot and things change. It is more that we need to get over the fact of what I did to him then try to fall in love again. Does that even make sense? I know I hurt him, myself, and pissed a bunch of people off during the past three weeks, but I am more than willing to change. I want to change for the better of me and the better of Patrick. He is the best thing that has happened to me and I don't know what I would do if I lost him again. I know it was my fault in the first place, but still it would hurt too bad too see him go. He has made the so happy and treats me so well! I know it is going to be hard for a while for all of us to forget what I've done, but I think if it is meant to be and this is my place than everything will be okay in the end. All I can say is that time will tell. That's all I and anyone else can do... wait.
To anyone whom I've pissed of or hurt throughout all of this~ I'm more than sorry for what I've done and the way I treated Patrick and trust me I know I don't deserve him back. I just hope you can fogive me with time like he is doing. What I did was wrong and seemed extremely slutty. I can promise I'm not a slut. I can't give you a real reason why I did what I did except maybe I was scared... I don't know. When I start to fall in love and think that I can spend the rest of my life with someone I get scared.
My live is slowly beginning to piece back together and I love that feeling. I like knowing I have stability and people who love me in my life. I may not have many friends and I may not have much money, but I have love and that is what matters. When you find someone who is worth everything to you don't let them go because you may realize you need them and it'll be too late. I'm extremely lucky that I wasn't too late and that Patrick is a forgiving and loving person. I respect him for the way he treated me when we weren't together because it made me open my eyes. He made me realize what a good thing I was giving up. He is the most amazing person and I love everything about him... inside and out.
To anyone whom I've pissed of or hurt throughout all of this~ I'm more than sorry for what I've done and the way I treated Patrick and trust me I know I don't deserve him back. I just hope you can fogive me with time like he is doing. What I did was wrong and seemed extremely slutty. I can promise I'm not a slut. I can't give you a real reason why I did what I did except maybe I was scared... I don't know. When I start to fall in love and think that I can spend the rest of my life with someone I get scared.
My live is slowly beginning to piece back together and I love that feeling. I like knowing I have stability and people who love me in my life. I may not have many friends and I may not have much money, but I have love and that is what matters. When you find someone who is worth everything to you don't let them go because you may realize you need them and it'll be too late. I'm extremely lucky that I wasn't too late and that Patrick is a forgiving and loving person. I respect him for the way he treated me when we weren't together because it made me open my eyes. He made me realize what a good thing I was giving up. He is the most amazing person and I love everything about him... inside and out.