margaritas and christmas lights
Ugh. What is it with guys and their 'Everything's going to be okay and work themselves out' philosophy? I swear if I hear I'm overdramatic or worry too much one more time I'm going to freak. That in itself may prove a point I do not want to hear. It is a normal emotional response to cry when you think your whole house and town may be gone. I didn't even cry! I worried....but I didn't cry. Then when you find out your job might be gone, it's normal to worry about how you are going to make money! Oh but I'm overdramatic because 'I'll get money somehow'. And now a tornado has hit my apartment and the damn thing shifted so they're going to have to fix it somehow and noone knew until today. Well of COURSE he's not worried about it - he's working in Lousiana. By the time he gets home, Beaumont will be the same as it was before and I'll just be as overdramatic as ever. IF I don't have a nervous breakdown or run away first. Whatever happened to just shutting up and hugging somebody? Or being sorry even though you don't really know what your sorry for. Maybe even buying some flowers or writing a stupid note on a piece of notebook paper that you ripped out of a binder at the last second. A song on my voicemail would be nice.....maybe even a present for the cats. It would indirectly be effort right? But instead I get sighs and negativity. "I don't know what to says" and "Just calm down things will be okay". It's not consoling -- it's insulting! I'm a logical person and I've been through more than he has so I understand how the world works....maybe not all of it but I understand myself and my experiences better than he does. Don't tell him that or then I'll be "stuck up" and a "know it all". Do you know after 11 months he didn't know what I was going to do when I got out of school? My future LIFE GOALS and HOPES and DREAMS! Much less WHY I want to do what I'm going to do. Tonight he said he thought I wanted to sell real estate. People I haven't talked to since junior high know I'm going to be a teacher. What the hell? He knew I wanted to teach but he thought that was temporary. How can you be with someone and spend so much time with someone and not ever get seen? SIGH. "I don't want to talk about this"...."We'll deal with this later". I'm so SICK of dealing with it later because it never gets dealt with. I swear I'm going to learn French and move to Paris and find a nice guy who like to TALK and LISTEN and take WALKS and just be normal. Where they cook pizza in a real fireplace oven and it's normal to wear scarves. Maybe even a guy who feels emotions every now and then? It'd be nice if he likes margaritas and christmas lights too......only in a perfect world.