My anger and hate grow to a level that I cannot live comfortably with it.*
You know how I said I'm finally over my main problems with the professor, whom I call McGonagall? (I finally had the subject of my thesis and all.) Well, that turned out to be overly optimistic of me.
Today I seriously got angry with her, which is not an emotion I often waste on professors. Impressed/in love with their brain/annoyed/bored those are the sets I have for them. Well, and terrified as McGonagall proves, I've spent weeks being terrified of her.
We had seminar with McGonagall and it was hell, but for the most part at least not focused on me. She bothered one guy over his presentation, questioning and interrogating him more than actually letting him speak. (It's one of her most annoying quirks, she asks a question and when you try to answer she speaks right over you.) Then she went on asking about other people's subjects, which included bothering the only girl I actually like on this seminar. By the time they were done and the professor decided to actually help with the subject the girl was shaking like a leaf.
And then my dear prof turns to me and she asks what about my topic. ("Still serial killers?" she mocks and the group smirks and chuckles, because clearly someone interested in serial killers and trying to write about them is the funniest thing they've ever heard. How come I ended up with a group of most judgmental snobs in the whole uni?) And I explain that I was supposed to compare Dan Wells' book with Frankenstein and she asks me why and do I really think it's a good idea.
And don't get me wrong, I don't think it's a great idea. It'd be fun to write, but I'm not sure I'd be able to get master thesis out of it. However, that's entirerly not the point. The point is: she created that bloody subject herself!
Let me remind you how it went: I was talking about serial killers and used "I'm not a serial killer" book as an example and she jumped on it and asked me to tell more about it. So I summarized the story and told about how in my opinion the most interesting thing is that protagonist is the emotionless one, while the antagonist is the monster with emotions. And I've mentioned how the monster kills, stealing body parts to replace his own and survive for longer. And then she said that's great, I can compare it with Frankenstein. And I've never thought about this context before, because it is a bit of a scretch, but not a huge one and it could be fun. I went home for a break, I got the book, which I had there and I was happy I had a topic (more or less).
Today she asks me why I thought it was a good topic and remembers nothing I said before. I say the same things and she says: "No, Frankenstein doesn't make sense here." And she asks me why I'm so stubborn to write about "I'm not a serial killer". I deserve some kind of peace award for not yelling "I'M NOT, YOU SUGGESTED IT YOURSELF, YOU STUPID COW!". Although it was close. So after I was properly mocked for liking the book and the book was properly mocked for itself, I'm supposed to do the presentation for next week, which will help me convince her my subject is good.
You have no idea how pissed I am. The worst part still remains that I can't switch seminars, because we have class with McGonagall as well and she would make my life a living hell. It's still tempting to use the last possible moment (which is now!) to leave. If I won't get a subject I can write about than it's either that or giving up on that part of my studies completely. After all I study both literature and creative writing, I can give up on one. Although it would be a shame to do so just because I can't stand one prof. On the other hand I would be stuck with her for another year.
I will wait until next week, maybe after my presentation, things will be clearer. I'm just so tired of this horrible person and the whole group, and compared to my other seminar, this one is simply torture. And it's not even "one lazy, easy seminar, which won't help me with my thesis" vs. "hard work, discipline seminar that will make sure I write my thesis properly", because quite frankly the "lazy and easy" seminar gave me a really, really long ass list of books I need to read to even start thinking about writing and we already have an idea how my thesis will look. It's perfect.
The only good side of getting angry at my prof is that I can't be both angry and scared, because I'm only terrified of my teachers as long as I respect them. When they piss me off my respect is close to non existent and so is my fear. That might help.
*breaths easily* It is good to rant, isn't it? ;) I feel better already. But I also feel like lifting the mood a bit, so I will tell you that I took a nap today and dreamed of fighting zombies with Polish actor, Bogusław Linda (he's like Polish Bruce Willis, imho XD). It was really fun and we were in fact winning, even though Linda (though he was a character just looking like Linda... played by Linda? sth) had a wife, who hated me. And also I was the character who was asking way too many questions. Like: If zombie took over the world how on earth we still have electricity? (I honestly said at some point: I never knew exactly how electric power is made, but I think zombie apocalypse is the time to learn.) Also I was apparently sick in the dream and my head hurt really badly and I had a fever or something, so I was yelling at zombies to "shut the hell up, 'cause I'm trying to sleep". (You can tell I was incredibely in character in this dream, since I was trying to nap in the middle of zombie apocalypse. Because let's face it: I would. XD)
*) I enjoy it very much to use serial killers' quotes as topics for entries about people who mock me for knowing serial killers' quotes. (That one is from Richard Ramirez.)
Today I seriously got angry with her, which is not an emotion I often waste on professors. Impressed/in love with their brain/annoyed/bored those are the sets I have for them. Well, and terrified as McGonagall proves, I've spent weeks being terrified of her.
We had seminar with McGonagall and it was hell, but for the most part at least not focused on me. She bothered one guy over his presentation, questioning and interrogating him more than actually letting him speak. (It's one of her most annoying quirks, she asks a question and when you try to answer she speaks right over you.) Then she went on asking about other people's subjects, which included bothering the only girl I actually like on this seminar. By the time they were done and the professor decided to actually help with the subject the girl was shaking like a leaf.
And then my dear prof turns to me and she asks what about my topic. ("Still serial killers?" she mocks and the group smirks and chuckles, because clearly someone interested in serial killers and trying to write about them is the funniest thing they've ever heard. How come I ended up with a group of most judgmental snobs in the whole uni?) And I explain that I was supposed to compare Dan Wells' book with Frankenstein and she asks me why and do I really think it's a good idea.
And don't get me wrong, I don't think it's a great idea. It'd be fun to write, but I'm not sure I'd be able to get master thesis out of it. However, that's entirerly not the point. The point is: she created that bloody subject herself!
Let me remind you how it went: I was talking about serial killers and used "I'm not a serial killer" book as an example and she jumped on it and asked me to tell more about it. So I summarized the story and told about how in my opinion the most interesting thing is that protagonist is the emotionless one, while the antagonist is the monster with emotions. And I've mentioned how the monster kills, stealing body parts to replace his own and survive for longer. And then she said that's great, I can compare it with Frankenstein. And I've never thought about this context before, because it is a bit of a scretch, but not a huge one and it could be fun. I went home for a break, I got the book, which I had there and I was happy I had a topic (more or less).
Today she asks me why I thought it was a good topic and remembers nothing I said before. I say the same things and she says: "No, Frankenstein doesn't make sense here." And she asks me why I'm so stubborn to write about "I'm not a serial killer". I deserve some kind of peace award for not yelling "I'M NOT, YOU SUGGESTED IT YOURSELF, YOU STUPID COW!". Although it was close. So after I was properly mocked for liking the book and the book was properly mocked for itself, I'm supposed to do the presentation for next week, which will help me convince her my subject is good.
You have no idea how pissed I am. The worst part still remains that I can't switch seminars, because we have class with McGonagall as well and she would make my life a living hell. It's still tempting to use the last possible moment (which is now!) to leave. If I won't get a subject I can write about than it's either that or giving up on that part of my studies completely. After all I study both literature and creative writing, I can give up on one. Although it would be a shame to do so just because I can't stand one prof. On the other hand I would be stuck with her for another year.
I will wait until next week, maybe after my presentation, things will be clearer. I'm just so tired of this horrible person and the whole group, and compared to my other seminar, this one is simply torture. And it's not even "one lazy, easy seminar, which won't help me with my thesis" vs. "hard work, discipline seminar that will make sure I write my thesis properly", because quite frankly the "lazy and easy" seminar gave me a really, really long ass list of books I need to read to even start thinking about writing and we already have an idea how my thesis will look. It's perfect.
The only good side of getting angry at my prof is that I can't be both angry and scared, because I'm only terrified of my teachers as long as I respect them. When they piss me off my respect is close to non existent and so is my fear. That might help.
*breaths easily* It is good to rant, isn't it? ;) I feel better already. But I also feel like lifting the mood a bit, so I will tell you that I took a nap today and dreamed of fighting zombies with Polish actor, Bogusław Linda (he's like Polish Bruce Willis, imho XD). It was really fun and we were in fact winning, even though Linda (though he was a character just looking like Linda... played by Linda? sth) had a wife, who hated me. And also I was the character who was asking way too many questions. Like: If zombie took over the world how on earth we still have electricity? (I honestly said at some point: I never knew exactly how electric power is made, but I think zombie apocalypse is the time to learn.) Also I was apparently sick in the dream and my head hurt really badly and I had a fever or something, so I was yelling at zombies to "shut the hell up, 'cause I'm trying to sleep". (You can tell I was incredibely in character in this dream, since I was trying to nap in the middle of zombie apocalypse. Because let's face it: I would. XD)
*) I enjoy it very much to use serial killers' quotes as topics for entries about people who mock me for knowing serial killers' quotes. (That one is from Richard Ramirez.)