A New Dawn, part 4
Part 4
“So we didn’t get him?” Molly asked plaintively. Justin just stands stoically there, not moving, not fidgeting, his jaw clenched and he knows his eyes are cold.
Looking reluctant, Jennifer glanced between her children and finally answered, “No, sweetie, looks like we didn’t.”
Molly patted Justin’s arm, “But we’re going to be okay, right?”
He knew his sister didn’t completely understand what had happened so he’d have to be brave for her. “Yeah, we are,” he told her and tried to smile but it faded as his thoughts turned back to the news Debbie had just delivered via phone call. He corrected, “We will be.” His mother reached out and laid a hand on his back too, a small sad smile on her face. “We just need some time.”
“I’m sorry,” Jennifer whispered. “I would have sued him if I could afford it. I thought the justice system-”
“-wouldn’t want queers dead?” Justin sighed and stated, “I knew they’d let him go. They don’t like my kind. We’re not worth shit to them.” He scoffed, “Five hundred hours of community service, my ass. Probably would have gotten the same sentence if he’d actually killed me. The damn justice system just wants us all dead.”
“Justin!” Jennifer admonished, rather horrified by his sentiments.
“Why do they want queer people dead?” Molly asked, worried and confused. “If Justin’s a queer person and there are other queer persons then don’t their families have anything to say too?”
“There aren’t a lot of queers in the world, mollusc,” Justin muttered flatly, moving away from their touch now, uncomfortable and feeling closed in. “Just enough most people have to know we exist but not enough that anyone gives a shit.”
“Justin,” Jennifer reproached even as she let her son move away and turned to Molly, “It’s just that there are a lot of people who don’t understand what it means to be gay, sweetheart. They think it’s strange and they don’t know what to do.”
“Except maybe wonder at whether or not there’s just few enough of us to get away with genocide,” Justin grumbled, turning away for the stairs.
And Molly promptly asked, “What’s genocide?”
“I’ll leave that one to you, mom,” Justin called over his shoulder as he headed back up to his room.
“Thanks,” Jennifer sarcastically fired after him.
--
“Sunshine!” Debbie screeched, arms thrown wide, “Hug?”
Smiling, Justin gave her just that; a brief one.
“Welcome back, baby,” Kiki said kindly, patting him on the shoulder when Debbie released him.
Justin smiled and nodded at all the well-wishes, hoping the attention would all blow over and he could just get back to work. Re-learning all the things he should already know didn’t feel like such a pleasant prospect but this was his job and it had been his life. He must have chosen this for some reason; he’d just have to figure out why all over again.
“Welcome back, baby!” Debbie pulled him in close and leaned in to furiously whisper, “You and me are gonna sit down an’ talk, you hear me?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he obediently murmured back.
She spoke to the crowd at large, “He’s home!” All the patrons gave a toast or cheer.
“Thanks, everybody,” Justin smiled, giving a quick wave.
“Okay, so let’s get this show rolling!” Debbie cheered, giving him one last grinning squeeze and whipping out her pad of paper to take the nearest order.
Justin, still smiling, headed for the kitchen to grab a basin and clear up that table by the window. Ten minutes later, another table of people got up and then it was just one thing after another, back and forth from floor to kitchen, focusing on using his left more than his right just in case his gimp hand decided to act up. He wondered if he’d always had to put up with the not so discreet gropes or smacks to his ass if he wasn’t careful but then again the tips were worth it so that must have been the trade-off.
When Emmet and Ted came in for breakfast, things looked up for a while;
“Hey, sweetie,” Emmet crooned, “You’re here early. Welcome back.”
“It’s nice to be back,” Justin replied glibly, “If I could remember what it was like before.” He grinned, indicating he didn’t mind the situation, as he poured their coffee, “It’s kind of nice not to remember, the whole thing has newness to it and I get to not remember all the bad things about the job.”
“That’s a good perspective to have,” Ted commended. “Getting settled in all over again means you can keep your starry-eyes a little longer.” He gave a wry tilting nod of his head, “Or have it again…?”
“Yep!” Justin smiled.
Ted nodded then said, “Hey, look, about the sentencing…” he fidgeted in his seat, shooting a glaring Emmet an apologetic glance, “I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”
“Me too, sweetie,” Emmet joined, and with a solemn nod and a dainty flap of his hand, “I couldn’t believe my eyes and ears when that judge passed it.”
“Don’t let Debbie hear you say anything about that,” Justin hissed, leaning in. “She gave my mom and I the whole shouting tirade last night about protesting and marching on Washington!”
“But won’t you protest at all?” Ted asked, “I mean, it’s you we’re talking about here. The whole thing’s a shit situation.”
Justin shrugged, “Nothing we can do now. And I expected something like this to happen, anyway. You should have seen the way the cops handled the questioning at the hospital when they came to take my statement. They actually asked me if I’d had a crush on Chris Hobbs.” Shaking his head and looking disgusted, “Insanity. Look, I’m just happy you guys all went to support it. That means a lot to me. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there.”
“Don’t worry about it. We know why you didn’t go.” Emmet gave him a sympathetic look and patted his arm, “And I’m sorry, too, sweetie.”
“Sorry’s bullshit,” Justin muttered, giving a dismissive shake of his head. A new arrival took the seat next to Emmet so he turned at the same time asking, “Coffee?”
“Black,” the stranger replied, pointing at the caffeinated pot, staring hard even as he nudged his cup forward. To Ted and Emmet, he lazily called, “Hello, boys.”
Justin paused, pots in his hands, before he managed somehow to tear his gaze away. The sudden flare of desire at the sight of this man had startled him -but to be expected. This guy looked hot, personified hot, totally sexy hot… and recognition hit.
“Hey there,” he said, eyes moving to his task, careful not to spill the coffee because if Daphne were to be believed, he had made a fool of himself in front of this guy enough times. He looked over the hand on the counter, noting the familiar seashell bracelet he’d added into a few of his drawings. “You’re Brian, right?”
Brian instantly looked discomfited and guarded, even nervous. But then he saluted Justin with the sugar shaker before dumping what looked like half the contents into his cup and said casually, “The one and only.”
“Nice to meet you… again,” Justin smiled, noticing how Brian’s stare roved thoroughly as he stirred his drink, searching Justin out as though checking for injury.
Justin looked away, only to see that Ted and Emmet had suddenly fallen quiet, throwing awkward glances their way. He ignored them. And thinking of what Daphne had told him about Brian, he couldn’t trust the warm lick of attraction in his blood or the speeding up of his heart rate, and figured it would be best to ignore Brian as well. The guy hadn’t visited or even asked after him.
No hanging around to check him out some more. Play it cool.
But as he turned to go, Brian chased the question, “So how are you doing?”
It had been pitched low, maybe to disguise the concern in it. But Justin heard it, the reluctant worry and a slight frustration. He turned back and tried to smile, feeling discomfited, and for some reason Brian jerked his eyes away from him and stared at his coffee.
“I’m okay. I guess someone told you,” he glanced toward Ted and Emmet, “that I don’t really remember anything about my life here on Liberty Avenue. Generally, from two months ago, the eight months prior are a complete blank.”
Brian peeked up at him from under semi-furrowed brows, coffee cup poised before his lips, a hard but slightly assessing expression in them. He took a sip, eyes falling to his cup before casually asking, “So how do you know who I am?”
Justin hesitated there, staring until Brian looked up and he could meet the hazel-green of Brian’s eyes; the colour of rainforests, he thought. He studied Brian, followed the handsome contours of a face he seemed to know so well that he had rendered it in minute detail on paper over and over again; sideways, forward, smiling, frowning -the smooth hair, broad forehead, piercing eyes, prominent cheekbones, wide jaw and distinguished chin.
“I’ve drawn you,” he admitted, learning Brian’s features all over again and feeling an itch to grab a pencil and some paper. He managed to shake the urge away, instead turning to nod and smile at Ted and Emmet still sitting quietly nearby. “I’ve drawn all of you.” Brian gave an acknowledging nod at this, some of the tension in his shoulders bleeding away but his hands clutched tightly around his coffee mug. “They’re like photographs, in a way. Daphne and I went through them and she told me about everyone, including you.”
“Oh yeah?” Brian asked nonchalantly but his eyes burned as they looked up at Justin. He set his cup down and on a low tone asked, “And what did she say?”
“Um, not much, actually,” Justin shrugged, puzzled when he saw what looked like disappointment flash in Brian’s eyes. “She said you’re Michael’s best friend and part of his main circle along with Ted and Emmet, and you’re close to Lindsay -which you must be since you’re Gus’ dad. Plus, you’re close to Debbie and uh, I… don’t know much else, sorry.”
Something told him he shouldn’t prod for more information when both Emmet and Ted shifted in their seats. That and the flat look Brian shot them, quelling the movements. But then Brian looked at him, right into his eyes, gaze pointed and unreadable, and Justin’s heart rate tripped again, pounding in his chest a little too hard.
When Brian tore his stare away, Justin finally felt able to breathe again and thoughtlessly mused aloud, “I think I liked to draw you.”
Brian stilled, cradling his mug in its saucer, gaze hooded and wary as he glanced back up at Justin. Looking back down at the counter, in a flat but strangely soft tone, almost mocking, he asked, “And what makes you say that?”
“My sketches are a lot like journal entries. They tell me a lot about both who I drew and remind me of what I must have been feeling when I drew them. You’re all… close to me, I can tell that much. I know I’ve studied all you guys as drawing subjects but you…” He shrugged and grinned, “You must have been one of my most favourite subjects coz of the details I put in, the strokes I used. And there are quite a number of drawings of you.”
Something changed in Brian’s demeanour at those words and in those rainforest eyes when he looked back up… but that couldn’t be fear in them, could it? And while Justin couldn’t quite figure out what it was, a touch to it made him think that he probably shouldn’t have said that… at the same time that his heart rate sped up a little again in some kind of distant anticipation.
Confusing.
“Well,” he tried to play it off and might likely be babbling but he said, “You are an attractive specimen of the male species.”
“And don’t you forget it.” Brian downed the rest of this coffee, a deliberate dismissal in his tone, tension tight in his posture and the slightly fake nonchalance, and refusing to meet Justin’s gaze.
Something in Justin hurt at the reply and his smile began to fail so he decided a retreat should be in order. With a slight shrug he murmured as he turned away, “Later.”
He managed to smile and nod at Ted and Emmet as he passed, and when he’d almost made it to the kitchen, belatedly but in the silence of the counter, just barely audible, he heard Brian softly reply on a gruff tone,
“Later.”
--
“There is no later,” Debbie stated flatly. “If it were up to me, I’d been telling you all about who you were and what you were doing but…” she sighed, “I heard what the doctors said. And yer mother made it loud and clear what she thought of me butting into your business this time around…”
Justin smiled, sensing very clearly how this woman made it her business if it had anything to do with people she cared about. “Thanks.”
She smiled, “What the fuck for, Sunshine?”
“For caring that much,” he said, still as startled now as he was the first time he’d heard her swear. He paused, warring between instinct and propriety before he leaned in and gave her a hug. “I just hope maybe you’ll tell me things as we go along, okay? Small stuff?”
“Sure thing.” She smiled, ruffling up his hair a bit. But then the smile dimmed and she asked, “How you holdin’ up otherwise?”
“Pretty good, considering,” he said, trying to smile. “It’s hard for me to get to know everyone again, I keep getting weird looks for a lot of people. And most folks aside from our group don’t feel comfortable talking to me. Or else they just want to know how I am. Complete strangers, or so I think.”
“A lot of the people ‘round here know about what happened to you,” Debbie said, looking troubled. “Most are good people, concerned, ya know. And maybe some of them you… sort of knew.”
There was something in her tone at those last words that he thought he might ask a bit more about only he really didn’t want to ask a ‘wrong’ question and piss her off. He smiled tentatively instead.
“You just gotta know that anytime you need anything,” she said sternly, all motherly and firm, “You can come talk to me. You can trust me to try to do the best I can for you, okay?”
He could feel the warmth of her words down to his soul, her emotions so very evident in her eyes. “Thanks, Deb.”
“You just… be careful, ya hear?” She seemed stressed all of a sudden. Or like she wanted to say something and couldn’t. “And don’t go believing every damn thing anyone tells you, you have to think about how you feel about it. You’re not who you used to be and trying to ‘go back’ is just about the dumbest thing I ever heard, so you just be yourself.”
He smiled at all her fussing and tried to reassure her, “Don’t worry, Debbie. I’ll do just that.”
“See?” she muttered, ruffling his hair and straightening out his clothes, “What do they know? You’re going to be just fine.” She gave him a sharp nod and indicated toward the door with a nod of her head and raised brows, “You go have fun tonight. Dazzle them all with your smile, we’ve all missed you.”
“Thanks,” Justin whispered, giving her another quick hug before he turned and left.
Dead end, he thought.
(next)