The truth is out.
Sebastian, Crimson, and I have been encouraged by family, friends, and loved ones, to share our story when we feel comfortable, to free ourselves from the shadow of deception laid over us. Our intention is not to harm James. It is also not in my nature to hide in shame or silence. I understand speaking out against an abuser is often looked down upon, as victims are often blamed and shamed. I have been made aware lies have long been planted, so these words will most likely not be believed. The children and I accept this. Part of our healing is being heard, take from this what you will.
I fully support my children in speaking out against the extreme neglect, emotional, and verbal abuse, they have endured their entire lives from their father, James. He has deeply wounded them and negatively impacted their lives. He has also abused me, his spouse, verbally, emotionally, psychologically, financially, physically, and sexually, for over two decades.
He gaslighted, manipulated, bullied, and neglected me - one method being with silent treatments which sometimes lasted weeks. James isolated me so severely, I developed extreme social anxiety. I become unable to sing in public, which was my life long passion, and eventually struggled to even speak. I could not go out alone, speak on the phone, or answer our door. The latter he would laugh at when I would run and hide in terror.
During our 21 years together James rarely contributed financially for our children and household. Never once did he pay a bill on his own and was often unemployed. He created conflict with every special event, holiday, and birthday. He damaged our house, destroyed every one of our vehicles except one, and has a long history of recklessness involving speeding tickets, vehicle accidents, driving without a license, and warrants for arrest.
While I supported James in every possible way, he rarely reciprocated. I did most of his college schoolwork, believing at the time I was helping. I helped him find and maintain jobs and paid his bills and fines. He was often unconcerned with responsibilities and the welfare of his children, only his public image and attention from others were a priority.
James repeatedly abandoned me and the children to be with affair partners, previously 18-22-year-old females, who he all proclaimed was the love of his life within days or weeks after meeting them. He admitted having 85 different affair partners over 20 years, many online, with evidence of more. After each cycle, he would proclaim on his knees, in tears, I was the very reason he ever knew love, that he would die without me, and begged me to stay with him. His breakdowns were so intense, I used to feel bad for him abusing me. I learned the hard way that he will say and do anything to keep his outside image or host.
James refused to stop abusing me or the children, leave, or allow us to go, despite my repeated pleas. He made threats that I’d never see my children again, threats he’d kill me, and even made an attempt on my life, in addition to his self-harming. Many times when I tried leaving, James very seriously attempted suicide, which led to me saving his life, later hospitalization and mental health care. It was traumatic and devastatingly heartbreaking.
I did everything to keep our family together in peace while he kept destroying it. Behind closed doors, for years I was asking him, verbatim, to treat me half as kindly as he was to strangers. I felt like a prisoner in my own house, and many times I told him so.
While I wanted freedom for myself and my children, I never for a moment paused to grasp the immeasurable and excruciating pain, from not only his multiple betrayals and abuse, but the additional betrayal through slander and manipulation after we separated, by the very person I gave everything to and for. It’s utterly shattering; mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
James shockingly abandoned our family yet again last September. He eventually contacted me, saying he was “with a friend looking for a therapist”. He told me and the children that he planned on returning. Like every previous time James had an affair, he gave no indication there was a problem or that he wanted to leave. He continued to tell me he loved me every day. We were not fighting or apart in any way. As many people saw, we attended New York Faerie Fest last year, hand in hand. Before running off in secret, he told me he was going to stay with my family across town and get help. He said, “I’m not abandoning you, I wouldn’t hurt you like that again”. Once I discovered he fled, I feared for his safety due to his history of suicide attempts. I pieced together where he was after seeking help via Facebook and the police. Once I realized it was yet another affair I immediately told him that I would never ask him back.
In October James finally admitted he was with Daryl. When James told me he and his new partner were homeless, I offered our house to them until they got on their feet. James thanked me and accepted. A week after, to my surprise, I began being attacked.
For about 7 months Daryl harassed me, screamed at me, made false accusations, and interrogated me. I tried multiple times to communicate with Daryl and get along, only to be attacked further. Daryl prevented James from communicating with me about our house, belongings, and most importantly, our children, including preventing visits.
I made it clear since October that James and I are married, while James lied about that, too. I later let it be known that James has severely abused me, of his numerous infidelities, that James has coerced me to have sex and repeatedly raped me, that I tried leaving James before, and have no desire to be with him.
Regardless I was accused of trying to steal James, and Daryl made alarming threats of suicide. Having endured this method of abuse for years by James, I was terrified. I began to fear for my children’s safety as well as my own, as Daryl appeared extremely toxic and volatile. After another attack in November, I requested for Daryl to no longer speak to me, at me, nor come near me, or my children. I considered him a threat. My requests were disregarded and the attacks continued. Daryl also came to a child support court hearing, after I asked for him to stay away from me, causing me such fear I couldn’t walk to my vehicle afraid of an attack. I unfortunately only knew Daryl as an unstable person.
There have been other numerous issues since that caused harm to the children and myself. The children never met Daryl before, and I respected their choice to avoid contact with him. They also feared him, having heard him screaming on several occasions.
In April James continued to inflict harm through texts and was using me to manipulate Daryl through fake arguments. I could no longer take the chaotic drama, and wanting it to end, I forwarded his texts to Daryl. This exposure led to Daryl’s declaration of ending their relationship, albeit temporarily, and similar to what James did to me each time I tried to leave, James threatened suicide. Later Daryl revealed he was being lied to by James and apologized for his behavior.
I only wanted James to finally have a decent relationship with Crimson and Sebastian. I was hopeful James would be kinder to them now, living away. Especially as outward appearances are very important to him. All attempts to co-parent were of my effort. James made promises of visits and communication over the past months that he often did not come through on. He was occasionally texting our children a sentence or two at most, once or twice a week, after my requests for communication. He would text that he loves them. Unfortunately, this deeply hurt them both, as James shared this sentiment with them more in the past few months than he has in years of their lives. This caused the children to feel it was simply another part of what they know from experience, to be used as props. Rarely has James ever expressed or shown them any love or affection.
In April, James stopped communicating with his children. He next sued me in court, to end paying child support, which he originally delayed for months. After court, we mailed a card and gifts for his birthday. The day after James finally called Sebastian after 2 months of silence and thanked him. James hurt Sebastian by boasting about a secret birthday cake being made, ignoring that he and Daryl ruined Sebastian’s birthday. He also told Sebastian, again, he was doing electrical work later, after just having told a judge he couldn’t pay child support and was not working. Crimson refused to speak to him during that call because she said she knew he was only going to lie.
Days later, James texted Sebastian, claiming I pushed Daryl to suicide and said nasty things, that I have been controlling James time with the kids, and I do not think other people can be hurt. Sebastian had enough and stated he will no longer give James any more chances. In reality, I answered Daryl’s questions days prior, regarding our marriage and taxes. I was concerned and empathetic. I also asked Daryl to consider stop using the name “Downed Siren” on their Facebook business page, as James knows well it is exploitation of my abuse. At no time did I do anything to cause Daryl to self-harm, nor any of the things James has accused me of.
The children and I have watched James for many years, knowingly and intentionally masquerade publicly differently than who he is. He is exceptionally skilled at what he does. He hid me from social media, intentionally. He created preemptive strikes against me to discredit me and protect himself by telling affair partners and their friends endless lies. I have heard so many false stories it felt like a never-ending nightmare. Including where he told people about my own experiences of childhood abuse, past events in my life, and even abuse he has committed against me, re-framed as if it was his own. The children and I know too well how sincere he seems.
This is only a sliver of the past two decades of our life together. I understand from the outside perspective this may seem unreal. Break-ups are often tumultuous. This, however, is not a typical ending of a marriage, and yes, James and I are still legally married. We have a common law marriage since 1997, that meets all legal requirements. I have been asking James for a divorce since September, which he agreed to multiple times, including in email, saying he would sign whatever papers needed for our divorce. I tried to proceed with this as peacefully as possible. A court order can pull all phone records, texts, emails, ISP’s, request witness testimony, and any other evidence as proof.
I am sorry for James’ very serious mental issues. I wish him good health. I would very much like for him to heal, for himself and our children. I hope one day they have as healthy a relationship as possible. The children and I also regret all negativity from us, toward Daryl and anyone else involved. I certainly should have known better, based on experience with James, who has done all of this before. I wanted to believe he was finally being honest for once.
While I do wish him well, I do not accept, nor can I ignore, his lack of remorse or accountability for the severe, life-altering abuse, he has inflicted upon me and the children. For the past several months we have been under the care of multiple mental health professionals, being treated for trauma and abuse recovery. From our perspective, we feel like we are being ignored and silenced, while our abuser is being supported, enabled, and even rewarded.
The children and I have been granted a No Contact Protection From Abuse order and there is an ongoing investigation against James’ confession of murder. James is at this time not permitted to be anywhere we are, which includes public spaces, for our safety. We happily attended New York Faerie Fest for a decade, looking forward to going every year and believed it to be a magickal and safe place. Now we are not so certain, as it has become for us a place of immense pain and heartbreak. We remain hopeful to visit NYFF again, in peace, without further attacks, from James or others.
I asked James not long ago if he was concerned I would speak out and tell the truth, he replied that he knows I’m not venomous. The truth is not venomous. We would rather tell the truth, and risk being disbelieved by the lies he has spun, than walk with our heads down, hurting in silence. The pain and destruction we have been through is unbelievable. It is additionally extraordinarily damaging that his malicious tales are accepted with zero evidence.
We hope you understand, revealing this is not to fuel any further negativity, but bring about change and help cast off shame we have been burdened with, as survivors. We are not seeking pity, only for the truth to be known. We are traumatized after everything we have been through. We are healing from years of severe abuse. Most of all, we are thankful to be free.
Andosia, Crimson, & Sebastian Fairchild
I fully support my children in speaking out against the extreme neglect, emotional, and verbal abuse, they have endured their entire lives from their father, James. He has deeply wounded them and negatively impacted their lives. He has also abused me, his spouse, verbally, emotionally, psychologically, financially, physically, and sexually, for over two decades.
He gaslighted, manipulated, bullied, and neglected me - one method being with silent treatments which sometimes lasted weeks. James isolated me so severely, I developed extreme social anxiety. I become unable to sing in public, which was my life long passion, and eventually struggled to even speak. I could not go out alone, speak on the phone, or answer our door. The latter he would laugh at when I would run and hide in terror.
During our 21 years together James rarely contributed financially for our children and household. Never once did he pay a bill on his own and was often unemployed. He created conflict with every special event, holiday, and birthday. He damaged our house, destroyed every one of our vehicles except one, and has a long history of recklessness involving speeding tickets, vehicle accidents, driving without a license, and warrants for arrest.
While I supported James in every possible way, he rarely reciprocated. I did most of his college schoolwork, believing at the time I was helping. I helped him find and maintain jobs and paid his bills and fines. He was often unconcerned with responsibilities and the welfare of his children, only his public image and attention from others were a priority.
James repeatedly abandoned me and the children to be with affair partners, previously 18-22-year-old females, who he all proclaimed was the love of his life within days or weeks after meeting them. He admitted having 85 different affair partners over 20 years, many online, with evidence of more. After each cycle, he would proclaim on his knees, in tears, I was the very reason he ever knew love, that he would die without me, and begged me to stay with him. His breakdowns were so intense, I used to feel bad for him abusing me. I learned the hard way that he will say and do anything to keep his outside image or host.
James refused to stop abusing me or the children, leave, or allow us to go, despite my repeated pleas. He made threats that I’d never see my children again, threats he’d kill me, and even made an attempt on my life, in addition to his self-harming. Many times when I tried leaving, James very seriously attempted suicide, which led to me saving his life, later hospitalization and mental health care. It was traumatic and devastatingly heartbreaking.
I did everything to keep our family together in peace while he kept destroying it. Behind closed doors, for years I was asking him, verbatim, to treat me half as kindly as he was to strangers. I felt like a prisoner in my own house, and many times I told him so.
While I wanted freedom for myself and my children, I never for a moment paused to grasp the immeasurable and excruciating pain, from not only his multiple betrayals and abuse, but the additional betrayal through slander and manipulation after we separated, by the very person I gave everything to and for. It’s utterly shattering; mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
James shockingly abandoned our family yet again last September. He eventually contacted me, saying he was “with a friend looking for a therapist”. He told me and the children that he planned on returning. Like every previous time James had an affair, he gave no indication there was a problem or that he wanted to leave. He continued to tell me he loved me every day. We were not fighting or apart in any way. As many people saw, we attended New York Faerie Fest last year, hand in hand. Before running off in secret, he told me he was going to stay with my family across town and get help. He said, “I’m not abandoning you, I wouldn’t hurt you like that again”. Once I discovered he fled, I feared for his safety due to his history of suicide attempts. I pieced together where he was after seeking help via Facebook and the police. Once I realized it was yet another affair I immediately told him that I would never ask him back.
In October James finally admitted he was with Daryl. When James told me he and his new partner were homeless, I offered our house to them until they got on their feet. James thanked me and accepted. A week after, to my surprise, I began being attacked.
For about 7 months Daryl harassed me, screamed at me, made false accusations, and interrogated me. I tried multiple times to communicate with Daryl and get along, only to be attacked further. Daryl prevented James from communicating with me about our house, belongings, and most importantly, our children, including preventing visits.
I made it clear since October that James and I are married, while James lied about that, too. I later let it be known that James has severely abused me, of his numerous infidelities, that James has coerced me to have sex and repeatedly raped me, that I tried leaving James before, and have no desire to be with him.
Regardless I was accused of trying to steal James, and Daryl made alarming threats of suicide. Having endured this method of abuse for years by James, I was terrified. I began to fear for my children’s safety as well as my own, as Daryl appeared extremely toxic and volatile. After another attack in November, I requested for Daryl to no longer speak to me, at me, nor come near me, or my children. I considered him a threat. My requests were disregarded and the attacks continued. Daryl also came to a child support court hearing, after I asked for him to stay away from me, causing me such fear I couldn’t walk to my vehicle afraid of an attack. I unfortunately only knew Daryl as an unstable person.
There have been other numerous issues since that caused harm to the children and myself. The children never met Daryl before, and I respected their choice to avoid contact with him. They also feared him, having heard him screaming on several occasions.
In April James continued to inflict harm through texts and was using me to manipulate Daryl through fake arguments. I could no longer take the chaotic drama, and wanting it to end, I forwarded his texts to Daryl. This exposure led to Daryl’s declaration of ending their relationship, albeit temporarily, and similar to what James did to me each time I tried to leave, James threatened suicide. Later Daryl revealed he was being lied to by James and apologized for his behavior.
I only wanted James to finally have a decent relationship with Crimson and Sebastian. I was hopeful James would be kinder to them now, living away. Especially as outward appearances are very important to him. All attempts to co-parent were of my effort. James made promises of visits and communication over the past months that he often did not come through on. He was occasionally texting our children a sentence or two at most, once or twice a week, after my requests for communication. He would text that he loves them. Unfortunately, this deeply hurt them both, as James shared this sentiment with them more in the past few months than he has in years of their lives. This caused the children to feel it was simply another part of what they know from experience, to be used as props. Rarely has James ever expressed or shown them any love or affection.
In April, James stopped communicating with his children. He next sued me in court, to end paying child support, which he originally delayed for months. After court, we mailed a card and gifts for his birthday. The day after James finally called Sebastian after 2 months of silence and thanked him. James hurt Sebastian by boasting about a secret birthday cake being made, ignoring that he and Daryl ruined Sebastian’s birthday. He also told Sebastian, again, he was doing electrical work later, after just having told a judge he couldn’t pay child support and was not working. Crimson refused to speak to him during that call because she said she knew he was only going to lie.
Days later, James texted Sebastian, claiming I pushed Daryl to suicide and said nasty things, that I have been controlling James time with the kids, and I do not think other people can be hurt. Sebastian had enough and stated he will no longer give James any more chances. In reality, I answered Daryl’s questions days prior, regarding our marriage and taxes. I was concerned and empathetic. I also asked Daryl to consider stop using the name “Downed Siren” on their Facebook business page, as James knows well it is exploitation of my abuse. At no time did I do anything to cause Daryl to self-harm, nor any of the things James has accused me of.
The children and I have watched James for many years, knowingly and intentionally masquerade publicly differently than who he is. He is exceptionally skilled at what he does. He hid me from social media, intentionally. He created preemptive strikes against me to discredit me and protect himself by telling affair partners and their friends endless lies. I have heard so many false stories it felt like a never-ending nightmare. Including where he told people about my own experiences of childhood abuse, past events in my life, and even abuse he has committed against me, re-framed as if it was his own. The children and I know too well how sincere he seems.
This is only a sliver of the past two decades of our life together. I understand from the outside perspective this may seem unreal. Break-ups are often tumultuous. This, however, is not a typical ending of a marriage, and yes, James and I are still legally married. We have a common law marriage since 1997, that meets all legal requirements. I have been asking James for a divorce since September, which he agreed to multiple times, including in email, saying he would sign whatever papers needed for our divorce. I tried to proceed with this as peacefully as possible. A court order can pull all phone records, texts, emails, ISP’s, request witness testimony, and any other evidence as proof.
I am sorry for James’ very serious mental issues. I wish him good health. I would very much like for him to heal, for himself and our children. I hope one day they have as healthy a relationship as possible. The children and I also regret all negativity from us, toward Daryl and anyone else involved. I certainly should have known better, based on experience with James, who has done all of this before. I wanted to believe he was finally being honest for once.
While I do wish him well, I do not accept, nor can I ignore, his lack of remorse or accountability for the severe, life-altering abuse, he has inflicted upon me and the children. For the past several months we have been under the care of multiple mental health professionals, being treated for trauma and abuse recovery. From our perspective, we feel like we are being ignored and silenced, while our abuser is being supported, enabled, and even rewarded.
The children and I have been granted a No Contact Protection From Abuse order and there is an ongoing investigation against James’ confession of murder. James is at this time not permitted to be anywhere we are, which includes public spaces, for our safety. We happily attended New York Faerie Fest for a decade, looking forward to going every year and believed it to be a magickal and safe place. Now we are not so certain, as it has become for us a place of immense pain and heartbreak. We remain hopeful to visit NYFF again, in peace, without further attacks, from James or others.
I asked James not long ago if he was concerned I would speak out and tell the truth, he replied that he knows I’m not venomous. The truth is not venomous. We would rather tell the truth, and risk being disbelieved by the lies he has spun, than walk with our heads down, hurting in silence. The pain and destruction we have been through is unbelievable. It is additionally extraordinarily damaging that his malicious tales are accepted with zero evidence.
We hope you understand, revealing this is not to fuel any further negativity, but bring about change and help cast off shame we have been burdened with, as survivors. We are not seeking pity, only for the truth to be known. We are traumatized after everything we have been through. We are healing from years of severe abuse. Most of all, we are thankful to be free.
Andosia, Crimson, & Sebastian Fairchild