my heart has been broken
It feels like my guts have been pulverized. My chest is burning. My eyes are swollen, red, exhausted, and blurred. I can't feel my legs. I just found out my boyfriend cheated on me. I want to die. or kill. maybe both. How could I forgive? Should I forgive? The worst part of it all is that there is no one awake or online to talk to. I'm just sitting here, in agony, listening to Jeff Buckley.
He took me to an old abandoned warehouse somewhere in oakland. Skaters use it as a meeting point, and there were old ramps and couches everywhere. They call it RUST. It's like something out of a Tony Hawk video-game. It was kind of like Dixmont, only there was graffiti everywhere. We climbed up onto the big tin roof. We looked at the moon. He started crying. Hetold me he had to tell me something. I thought it couldn't be that bad. He curled up into a ball, shaking, he told me he had gone into the woods with some girl-gotten drunk, and... I can't type it.
Alcohol has ruined everything. It killed my grandmother, my father, and now this. The ironic part is that I don't even drink, and yet it's managed to wreck fucking everything.
After he told me I almost fell through a hole where the roof had collapsed. My screams echoed in the warehouse's gigantic dilapidated rooms.
I wish I had someone to talk to, but all I can do is muffle my screams into pillows. I can't even read anything to take my mind off of it. Concentration is beyond me. I don't know what to do. I've never gone through anything like this before. Usually, if this happened to a friend, I'd be over to watch movies with them, bring them icecream, or just go over to talk it over. But now it has actually happened to me, and I feel like I have nobody.
And if I take him back, what does that mean for me? In some way do I lack so much respect for myself I'd take him back again? Or should I just get over it,grow up, forgive him, and move on?
I don't know what I did to deserve any of this. Tommorow I have to tell him wether I'll take him back or not. My heart says one thing, my head another. I was so careful with my heart, I never opened up, never let anyone in. Now I realize no matter how careful you are with youre heart you are still just as likely as anyone else to get burned. The walls I put up were just a farce. The entire time I was just as vunerable as everyone else, it just took a little longer to realize it. I feel like such an idiot for thinking I was immune, and for ever trusting him.
He took me to an old abandoned warehouse somewhere in oakland. Skaters use it as a meeting point, and there were old ramps and couches everywhere. They call it RUST. It's like something out of a Tony Hawk video-game. It was kind of like Dixmont, only there was graffiti everywhere. We climbed up onto the big tin roof. We looked at the moon. He started crying. Hetold me he had to tell me something. I thought it couldn't be that bad. He curled up into a ball, shaking, he told me he had gone into the woods with some girl-gotten drunk, and... I can't type it.
Alcohol has ruined everything. It killed my grandmother, my father, and now this. The ironic part is that I don't even drink, and yet it's managed to wreck fucking everything.
After he told me I almost fell through a hole where the roof had collapsed. My screams echoed in the warehouse's gigantic dilapidated rooms.
I wish I had someone to talk to, but all I can do is muffle my screams into pillows. I can't even read anything to take my mind off of it. Concentration is beyond me. I don't know what to do. I've never gone through anything like this before. Usually, if this happened to a friend, I'd be over to watch movies with them, bring them icecream, or just go over to talk it over. But now it has actually happened to me, and I feel like I have nobody.
And if I take him back, what does that mean for me? In some way do I lack so much respect for myself I'd take him back again? Or should I just get over it,grow up, forgive him, and move on?
I don't know what I did to deserve any of this. Tommorow I have to tell him wether I'll take him back or not. My heart says one thing, my head another. I was so careful with my heart, I never opened up, never let anyone in. Now I realize no matter how careful you are with youre heart you are still just as likely as anyone else to get burned. The walls I put up were just a farce. The entire time I was just as vunerable as everyone else, it just took a little longer to realize it. I feel like such an idiot for thinking I was immune, and for ever trusting him.