I've been thinking...
...surprised?
Well, I find myself extremely frustrated and dissatisfied with my job prospects thus far. It's naive and stupid and immature, but I always had this belief that once you get out of university, you're good to go. Acknowledging that I had/have unrealistic expectations has helped reduce the problem that arises from the fact that those expectations did not manifest...but I couldn't help feeling, even as I described these thoughts to Meagan that there was something more to it. I'm normally exceptionally good at removing my emotional responses from the stimuli that gives rise to them; the fact that I can't for this particular problem strikes me as...odd. And requiring further, deeper inspection.
And the results of this inspection are more in keeping with what I know about myself. My frustration response comes about from any number of reasons, but the strongest comes from when something SHOULD be something, and there's no reason that it SHOULDN'T be, but it ISN'T. For instance, there's NO REASON for simple task A to not be completed on time. It's simple, and all the resources were lined up for person B to complete the task. I bent over backwards to ensure that the task was not only easily completed, but that it was, as far as I could manage it, ALREADY complete, lacking only those things which I specifically could not do myself.
So when something like that came up, I got extremely frustrated. And even then, it took a *very long time* for my frustration to rise to the point where I had eventually just had enough. As an aside, I've learned that being a nice guy isn't necessarily the only, or the better way to get something done. Sometimes being an absolute prick is not only more efficient, but required. That saddens me, but that's beside the point.
So what I discovered is bothering me most about my job prospects is this:
My primary goal in life is to make life a little less difficult for whomsoever I can help.
Period.
I want. to help. people. And, moreover, I have a tolerably good head on my shoulders, good qualifications, and a burning desire to pour all of my effort into such a job, whenever I happen to land one.
So, why should I *not* have a job? I can't think of any reason that settles my frustration. The realities of funding, the personality blends that may or may not have had a hand in deciding whether or not I was offered an interview, whatever the typical cause of a "no call back" is. What's so bad about wanting to help people? I am exceptionally skilled at helping people. I just lack the opportunity to do so in a paid capacity.
In my mind, I *should* have this job, but I do not. I was *made* for this job, but I don't have it.
And that's what frustrates me. The fact that fate or whatever doesn't see what's plainly, and even painfully obvious to me. Damnit, I should have that job!
Such is my character. I am impatient with things that should never be problems in the first place. Dennis Leary resonates with me greatly :P
Well, I find myself extremely frustrated and dissatisfied with my job prospects thus far. It's naive and stupid and immature, but I always had this belief that once you get out of university, you're good to go. Acknowledging that I had/have unrealistic expectations has helped reduce the problem that arises from the fact that those expectations did not manifest...but I couldn't help feeling, even as I described these thoughts to Meagan that there was something more to it. I'm normally exceptionally good at removing my emotional responses from the stimuli that gives rise to them; the fact that I can't for this particular problem strikes me as...odd. And requiring further, deeper inspection.
And the results of this inspection are more in keeping with what I know about myself. My frustration response comes about from any number of reasons, but the strongest comes from when something SHOULD be something, and there's no reason that it SHOULDN'T be, but it ISN'T. For instance, there's NO REASON for simple task A to not be completed on time. It's simple, and all the resources were lined up for person B to complete the task. I bent over backwards to ensure that the task was not only easily completed, but that it was, as far as I could manage it, ALREADY complete, lacking only those things which I specifically could not do myself.
So when something like that came up, I got extremely frustrated. And even then, it took a *very long time* for my frustration to rise to the point where I had eventually just had enough. As an aside, I've learned that being a nice guy isn't necessarily the only, or the better way to get something done. Sometimes being an absolute prick is not only more efficient, but required. That saddens me, but that's beside the point.
So what I discovered is bothering me most about my job prospects is this:
My primary goal in life is to make life a little less difficult for whomsoever I can help.
Period.
I want. to help. people. And, moreover, I have a tolerably good head on my shoulders, good qualifications, and a burning desire to pour all of my effort into such a job, whenever I happen to land one.
So, why should I *not* have a job? I can't think of any reason that settles my frustration. The realities of funding, the personality blends that may or may not have had a hand in deciding whether or not I was offered an interview, whatever the typical cause of a "no call back" is. What's so bad about wanting to help people? I am exceptionally skilled at helping people. I just lack the opportunity to do so in a paid capacity.
In my mind, I *should* have this job, but I do not. I was *made* for this job, but I don't have it.
And that's what frustrates me. The fact that fate or whatever doesn't see what's plainly, and even painfully obvious to me. Damnit, I should have that job!
Such is my character. I am impatient with things that should never be problems in the first place. Dennis Leary resonates with me greatly :P