A Slumdog Birthday
It was a strange birthday today - not a bad one, but a lonely one. Last year, since Mom had just died, everyone wanted to make sure I was kept busy on my birthday and on Christmas. It was very sweet of everyone and I did appreciate their gestures. This year, most of my friends were leaving town at the beginning of the week, so we had my margarita b-day at Uncle Julio's on Sunday night. It was great fun - and yes, despite the 2 margaritas, I did remember everything. My friends brought me some wonderfully fun gifts (like a leopard print fez!) and it was a fab evening. But I realized when I got home Sunday night that I would not actually have any gifts to open on my birthday, nor would I have anyone to do anything with on my actual birthday - the first time in my whole life that has happened.
So I decided to take myself to a movie (only the second time I've ever gone to a movie by myself). I went to see Slumdog Millionaire and I thoroughly enjoyed it - although, there were moments when I really wished there had been someone there with me so I could share some of my thoughts about the movie. It is a terrific film and, although it is set in India, it was made by a British director and is not a Bollywood movie, even though several Bollywood actors are in the film. There were a couple of nods to Bollywood in the film, which I recognized immediately and chuckled - like the Amitabh Bachchan stuff from the 70s, which was very amusing. The minute one of the characters said "There's Amitabh's helicopter," I started grinning, knowing exactly what that meant. And I am sure I was the only one in the theater who really understood that sequence on deeper levels than the obvious.
I also finally decided I was ready to go to Mom's grave. I had not been back to the grave since early January, the headstone wasn't even done then. Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought of her though, even though I hadn't felt ready to go to the grave. So I went and visited with Mom and Dad. Mom always insisted that every major holiday, like Thanksgiving, Xmas and Easter, we trek to the cemetery to visit Dad's grave and my baby sister, and my grandmother and grandfather. And we always had to take flowers. I always hated those trips, but it was her ritual. Now that I'm the only one left, I guess I make my own ritual - it's not about going to the graves for me, because I talk to Mom and Dad's pictures on my family wall in the new condo all the time. But I can't help thinking as I sat there today by the grave, that she was bitching up in heaven that her daughter didn't bring flowers or a holiday wreath to her grave like all the graves around her were decorated. Sorry, Mom, you know that's not me but that doesn't mean I love you any less. Funny how even in death, she can still try to 'guilt me.' I guess there are some things we never outgrow.
I also made a 'pilgrimage' to the street where Mom's house had been. I had not been ready to drive over there after she died, even though I knew that the house had been torn down and replaced by a new home by the builder who bought the lot. But today I thought I should finally go see what the new house looked like and what they had done to the property. I was dreading it as I turned the corner of the old street, but I was pleasantly surprised. They had left the old trees on the outer perimeter of the property and contoured the house to fit the lot and the trees. And I liked the style of the house, even though it has the McMansion look, at least this one seemed to fit its surroundings and blend with the trees and the old feel of the neighborhood. I think Mom and Dad would be pleased that the new home has character, sorta blending the old and the new.
For my birthday evening, I opted to watch the BBC America's Xmas episodes of British comedy, including an AbFab Xmas ep I had not ever seen. Ah, Patsy and Edina can sure drive away the melancholy!
Then I thought a fitting cap-off to the family 'journeys' I had taken today would be to finally watch the 8mm film footage that I discovered when we were cleaning out Mom's house. I had a video transfer company take all these film rolls and put them on a DVD. Most of the film was not even labeled so I had no idea what would be on them. I had not felt ready to watch that stuff yet (though it was done a year ago), but again today felt like the day to finally see what family stuff was on the film. There was a ton of footage of me as a baby and toddler, including some with me and my cousins Susan and Stacy. Birthday parties, and Xmas day presents being opened. I spotted some of the toys I remembered and the rattan chair I kept from Mom's house was prominent in many of the clips (which means that chair is even older than I am!). While some of the footage made me sad because it was Mom and Dad, my uncle and my grandparents who are all gone, it was also comforting to recognize so much and be reminded of how the house and the neighborhood looked decades ago - and to seem Mom and Dad so young and vibrant, instead of the last memories I have of them when age and health issues had reduced them physically and mentally. And there was film of Mom when she was pregnant with me! That was really wild to be sitting here on my birthday and seeing Mom in her maternity smock, knowing she would be spending Xmas in the hospital just months after that film was shot.
And while I may have been 'alone' today, I wasn't really alone. It's seems like every time I got online to check email, there were tons more birthday wishes being sent by friends and a terrific email 'chat' with Lisa (who is already making plans for a spa-day birthday and Xmas for us both next year). I was really moved to get so many birthday greetings, especially from many old friends that I only recently reconnected with (on Facebook of all places!)
This post has gone on much longer than I intended, but it has been a reflective and introspective birthday, partly because I was spending it alone and partly because I felt it was time to look back, that I was ready. And even though I cried several times today because of the family journey I was taking, it was OK.
So I decided to take myself to a movie (only the second time I've ever gone to a movie by myself). I went to see Slumdog Millionaire and I thoroughly enjoyed it - although, there were moments when I really wished there had been someone there with me so I could share some of my thoughts about the movie. It is a terrific film and, although it is set in India, it was made by a British director and is not a Bollywood movie, even though several Bollywood actors are in the film. There were a couple of nods to Bollywood in the film, which I recognized immediately and chuckled - like the Amitabh Bachchan stuff from the 70s, which was very amusing. The minute one of the characters said "There's Amitabh's helicopter," I started grinning, knowing exactly what that meant. And I am sure I was the only one in the theater who really understood that sequence on deeper levels than the obvious.
I also finally decided I was ready to go to Mom's grave. I had not been back to the grave since early January, the headstone wasn't even done then. Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought of her though, even though I hadn't felt ready to go to the grave. So I went and visited with Mom and Dad. Mom always insisted that every major holiday, like Thanksgiving, Xmas and Easter, we trek to the cemetery to visit Dad's grave and my baby sister, and my grandmother and grandfather. And we always had to take flowers. I always hated those trips, but it was her ritual. Now that I'm the only one left, I guess I make my own ritual - it's not about going to the graves for me, because I talk to Mom and Dad's pictures on my family wall in the new condo all the time. But I can't help thinking as I sat there today by the grave, that she was bitching up in heaven that her daughter didn't bring flowers or a holiday wreath to her grave like all the graves around her were decorated. Sorry, Mom, you know that's not me but that doesn't mean I love you any less. Funny how even in death, she can still try to 'guilt me.' I guess there are some things we never outgrow.
I also made a 'pilgrimage' to the street where Mom's house had been. I had not been ready to drive over there after she died, even though I knew that the house had been torn down and replaced by a new home by the builder who bought the lot. But today I thought I should finally go see what the new house looked like and what they had done to the property. I was dreading it as I turned the corner of the old street, but I was pleasantly surprised. They had left the old trees on the outer perimeter of the property and contoured the house to fit the lot and the trees. And I liked the style of the house, even though it has the McMansion look, at least this one seemed to fit its surroundings and blend with the trees and the old feel of the neighborhood. I think Mom and Dad would be pleased that the new home has character, sorta blending the old and the new.
For my birthday evening, I opted to watch the BBC America's Xmas episodes of British comedy, including an AbFab Xmas ep I had not ever seen. Ah, Patsy and Edina can sure drive away the melancholy!
Then I thought a fitting cap-off to the family 'journeys' I had taken today would be to finally watch the 8mm film footage that I discovered when we were cleaning out Mom's house. I had a video transfer company take all these film rolls and put them on a DVD. Most of the film was not even labeled so I had no idea what would be on them. I had not felt ready to watch that stuff yet (though it was done a year ago), but again today felt like the day to finally see what family stuff was on the film. There was a ton of footage of me as a baby and toddler, including some with me and my cousins Susan and Stacy. Birthday parties, and Xmas day presents being opened. I spotted some of the toys I remembered and the rattan chair I kept from Mom's house was prominent in many of the clips (which means that chair is even older than I am!). While some of the footage made me sad because it was Mom and Dad, my uncle and my grandparents who are all gone, it was also comforting to recognize so much and be reminded of how the house and the neighborhood looked decades ago - and to seem Mom and Dad so young and vibrant, instead of the last memories I have of them when age and health issues had reduced them physically and mentally. And there was film of Mom when she was pregnant with me! That was really wild to be sitting here on my birthday and seeing Mom in her maternity smock, knowing she would be spending Xmas in the hospital just months after that film was shot.
And while I may have been 'alone' today, I wasn't really alone. It's seems like every time I got online to check email, there were tons more birthday wishes being sent by friends and a terrific email 'chat' with Lisa (who is already making plans for a spa-day birthday and Xmas for us both next year). I was really moved to get so many birthday greetings, especially from many old friends that I only recently reconnected with (on Facebook of all places!)
This post has gone on much longer than I intended, but it has been a reflective and introspective birthday, partly because I was spending it alone and partly because I felt it was time to look back, that I was ready. And even though I cried several times today because of the family journey I was taking, it was OK.