What I am doing...
I feel like I am screwing it up. I go and do it and I don't even mean to but the absence is coming out of my mouth. I don't even know what that means. Something is missing in me though. I know it... or something is hiding. A while ago I thought I was doing good and I was open and I felt good and I thought I was getting somewhere. I don't know what happened. It is easier said than done. It may seem so simple on the outside... Just Talk. But its far from that in here. I am the definition of boring. I cause weariness. The future does scare me. I am afraid that I am messing it up.. but I guess I shouldn't think that and I should just believe that everything will work out. I know that I wouldn't be able to do it by myself. I need you Carlie. To me it seems that everyone else will do just fine without me. I AM at work right now. And I AM answering phone calls. That is a big step for me. I panic over small things like that. I think I might have disconnected someone when I was trying to connect them to Debra's voice mail. Typing helps me. I suppose it helps almost anyone. Maybe I don't give myself enough credit. Carlie doesn't think I do. I don't think she gives herself enough credit. Carlie, maybe you'll be working in a hair salon one year from now. Maybe you'll be going to school and I will be going too... or thinking about going. Maybe I will get a permanent job at the tech department. Maybe I'll do it all without going to college. I don't even know where I want to start my life. But I know who I want to be with. Ask me questions, tell me things... maybe my brain will wake up.. maybe.