Dazed and Confused...
I don't know where to start, so I will keep this short and sweet, because otherwise, I think I could ramble on and on...
I am feeling lonely and confused. I went to Ft Lauderdale to spend the weekend with my husband and it started out really bad - it did get better, eventually. He informed me that I had really invited myself over, since I was on vacation and he would rather come to Sarasota to see me. Sounds very welcoming, huh? I think he couldn't wait for me to leave!
I felt uncomfortable and I had just started my period, therefore I was feeling pretty emotional. His attitude wasn't too friendly, so I reacted in kind. Of course, I was being a bitch then! At one point, he told me he was gonna take me to the bus station - he wanted me out of his house! The one thing I was afraid would happen, happened! He changed his mind and ended up apologizing, but I think he couldn't wait for me to be gone. He says he likes being alone and I do believe that!
As I told Emmet, I want a real marriage! He thinks we have one. But living over 200 miles apart isn't the kind of marriage I want! I know that much. He doesn't see us living together again anytime soon - and this weekend convinced him even more. So, he decides how and when we see each other. He is in control - just like he likes it. And I am left feeling lonely and confused. It doesn't seem like this is how love is supposed to be. And I don't think I should have to settle for his scraps. Now, if I can just find the courage to do something about it!
Today is Jason's 21st birthday and tonight we celebrate! So, I have to get out of this funk and try to think happy thoughts!
Wish me luck...
I am feeling lonely and confused. I went to Ft Lauderdale to spend the weekend with my husband and it started out really bad - it did get better, eventually. He informed me that I had really invited myself over, since I was on vacation and he would rather come to Sarasota to see me. Sounds very welcoming, huh? I think he couldn't wait for me to leave!
I felt uncomfortable and I had just started my period, therefore I was feeling pretty emotional. His attitude wasn't too friendly, so I reacted in kind. Of course, I was being a bitch then! At one point, he told me he was gonna take me to the bus station - he wanted me out of his house! The one thing I was afraid would happen, happened! He changed his mind and ended up apologizing, but I think he couldn't wait for me to be gone. He says he likes being alone and I do believe that!
As I told Emmet, I want a real marriage! He thinks we have one. But living over 200 miles apart isn't the kind of marriage I want! I know that much. He doesn't see us living together again anytime soon - and this weekend convinced him even more. So, he decides how and when we see each other. He is in control - just like he likes it. And I am left feeling lonely and confused. It doesn't seem like this is how love is supposed to be. And I don't think I should have to settle for his scraps. Now, if I can just find the courage to do something about it!
Today is Jason's 21st birthday and tonight we celebrate! So, I have to get out of this funk and try to think happy thoughts!
Wish me luck...