On lonely nights I start to fade...
I wish I could go back in time.. feel feelings again, see smiles again.. enthusiasm fades and friendships get taken for granted and so it goes. I feel out of place, like I'm intruding in a life that I don't belong in.. I want to feel wanted, I want to feel special. I want that enthusiasm and excitement that there was when we first met. Why did he lose it? I still have it.. I savor every kiss and look forward to the next... His voice, his face, his stupid jokes that used to annoy me, everything about him is stuck in my heart.. I want to be with him so badly.. What are we? It doesn't make any sense to me.. I feel totally betrayed.. ripped off.. I wasn't on okcupid to find friends.. I was on okcupid to find a relationship.. and when I first met you, I asked you "What are you looking for?" and you said "Nothing I found you".. and now what? I feel like we took steps backwards.. when I want to be leaping forwards into your arms on the mudbed and be your girl.. What I really don't understand is why you seemed so surprised when I told you how I felt.. I make it so obvious.. I love you so much that I have tears in my eyes when I think about the fact that I might only ever be your friend.. I feel like you only say "I love you too" when I say I love you, automatically and you don't actually feel it.. This hurts so much.. I wish I had the strength to stand up for myself.. but I don't even have the strength to stand up in my own life... Why can't someone love me, pursue me, pick me up and carry me for once... I deserve that kind of love.....