(no subject)
april 25th 2006, hafdis marianna mikaelsdottir and i kissed for the first time to misery signals in my dads gmc out in front of her apartment on sangamore. march 6th 2008 about 12:00 am, i left her on the door step of her colleg acres cypress pointe apartment crying and saying good bye. she left for maryland the next day, we spoke every day, i was in denial that she was leaving. i cried a bit and was upset b/c i knew her final destination was Iceland in 4 days...but the full weight did not hit me. we spoke, i was upset, she was crying a lot...i missed the last phone call i could get from her in the US before she boarded the plane to iceland, because i was rock climbing to keep myself busy so as to not think tha tshe was really boarding the god fucking damned plane. i stayed and played video games with my friend nick a few more days and helped my mom move, marys e-mails were loving and kind and full of her days activities...slowly they started to slow down, less 'i love you's' and 'xoxoxoxoxxxxx' talk...i pointed it out and i asked if i coudl come visit her, she said no and tld me we already had our goodbye....i said it was all bullshit and we should talk anymore, didnt actually mean it, all i was thinking about is her fucking some other guy and how i didnt want to be around to hear about her 'meeting someone'...the last e-mail i received from her stated simply 'i think you're right, we should talk anymore' and nothing else. id say i cried myself to sleep but i didnt, b/c she wasnt there to hold, i just cried, and im stilll crying, and i cant stop, until she doesnt call or e-mail for another few days, and my heart will be shattered in pieces in my toes....and ill just have to walk around and wait for the shattered little pieces to work their way into my bloodstream like some fiberglass carcenogenic...and wait till my heart is whole again, and ive forgotten about the girl that for a month shy of two years, i never told a fucking lie to, i never wanted to hurt or cheat on...the girl who for 2 years straight i slept beside and loved and made love to and fucked and laughed with and kissed gently in the morning....what the fuck happened. seriously. what the fuck happened.