(no subject)
Justin is mad at me and I donno why, like I broke up with him last Saturday and today I was like I'm gonna go to gas city and he got pissed and said whatever bye, so when I got home I called him. He thought I was ditching him to go see someone else because we were supposed to hang out today and we couldn't because mom and kev are in bed. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now I told him we were friends and Damnit if he's not okay with that then he's not okay with me. I can't be with him. He's too jealous and I have guy friends and I know he HATES that, but I donno what to tell him. I'm not gonna stop being friends with guys for my boyfriend. I don't think that’s right anyway. Yeah I like him still but I don't want to be with him right now. And Damnit I don't want him waiting around for me that’s not right for him to do either. I wish I would have stuck with my gut and told Brittany that I don't wanna talk to him, because all I've done since we started talking is hurt him, and hurt myself. I care too much for him to let him stay with me. All I'm doing is pretty much fucking with him and I don't mean to I just. I just don't know anymore! I want to move at the end of the summer. I want to go to Terre Haute and leave this life this hell that I go through everyday. Honestly I don't think I could do. I couldn't leave my family, my friends, everyone. I, I just want to make everyone happy, but in making them happy I'm making T.J. unhappy and I'm tired of living like that...
Okay well Justin and I talked he's sorry and we are us. He makes me happy, I don't want anyone else, but right now I don't want him either. I want to be me; I want to be the smartass, the bitch, the T.J. that everyone knows. I'm glad he's waiting this out with me and I have a good feeling that everyhting will go back to good, will go back to happy. Sooner or later. I don't care which, but when it happens we will all know and I will be thankful that all of this happened, I can't be happy about this yet. That’s okay because this will hake us better, stronger and all of that happy jazz~!
TeeJ