crazy weekend
and it's not even over! AND I get an extra day of it since I have off work Monday, on account of the fact that my bosses (and babies) will be in Baton Rouge.
I had a replay of what is now officially a reoccuring dream (even if it only reoccured once) in which Brian ends up telling me that Zaniel is cheating on me. With Holly, no less! Dream Zaniel is turning out to be a real dickhead. Which is funny, because, as far as my childhood fantasies, he's a "dream come true", but he better never make my recent dreams come true. I've been cheated on twice so far, once by someone I truly loved, and I can say I never wanna go through that crap again.
So why does Dream Zaniel cheat on me? Or... Dream me, rather. I'm sure it's not a premonition, but it's still really unnerving. And especially with... Holly? Haha... well, that would never ever happen, so I've got nothing to worry about there.
Last night we had some friends over and had a little drinking party. We used our brand new shot glasses :) We went shopping and bought glasses (regular and shot), pretty silverware, matching towels, and other cute bathroom stuff for our apartment yesterday. I'm so excited. We still need alot of stuff, like a vacuum cleaner, pots and pans, and I really want a BIG, nice pepper grinder. Haha. Cuz I loves me some pepper.
Everything is really coming together as far as the apartment in concerned. I just want it to be August 1st! I'm sure I've said that a million times, both on myspace and here, but it's a big step and it'll only happen once (moving in with a boyfriend for the first time). Actually, if all goes as we want it to, it will be the only time. Or at least, he'll be the only guy. After my parents retire they plan on moving somewhere colder (haha... that should be easy), and then we plan on buying their house from them.
Anyway, no more babbling about Zaniel. I just <3 him too much. Nah, there's no such thing as loving a person too much. Well, I guess there is. Haha.
Speaking of old issues, Dixie and I had lunch today for like 4 hours between reminiscing and debating. I won't get into the debating part, except to say that her closemindedness really gets on my nerves, but the reminiscing... was crazy. She found our old notebook, and you can really see the progression of our falling apart as the notes progress. You can really see the point where she starts to get more holier-than-though, and then you can see where we started fighting about Cooper and me taking him back. Not that I blame Cooper for Dixie and I breaking up, it happened for a lot of reasons. And then you get to a point where the writing just stops abruptly (after we "broke up", obviously)
Needless to say, it really made me think. I actually started crying (well, my eyes welled up) when we sort of transitioned from our religious debate to the reminiscing part, because I know that we're never going to be remotely the same. I've known that since she first called me at Christmas, but I hadn't told her that I thought that until just this afternoon. It just makes me sad, because Holly and I aren't best friends anymore by any stretch of the imagination, and Dixie and I will never be that again, and so I'm left with that void, in effect.
Not that I don't have friends, and not that I resent either of them, it's just that I've always enjoyed having that girl that I clicked with indefinitely, and now I don't have anyone filling that place. And it's never the same sort of person, either. My closeness with Dixie was nothing at all like my closeness with Holly, but I still just like to feel that intimacy with another girl. Not that Zaniel's not good enough as a best friend, but there are just certain things that you need a best gal pal for. Like... for being a maid of honor, for instance. Haha, and god knows Amy won't be my maid of honor. She'd probably insist on wearing a tux.
I guess it's better this way. Now I have a chance to find someone new that I can click with on a whole new level. I won't be able to do that with a guy anymore (haha, not that I mind that, trying to find a boyfriend is tough... well, I say that, but really Zaniel just sort of fell into my lap, didn't he?) but anyway... that will be fun. And I'll have a more diverse group to choose from at Rice than I had at HBU. I mean, not that I didn't like the people from HBU, but my list of friends that I can never fully relate to because their first priority is upholding the bible is full to the brim. Not accepting anymore applications. And sitting there right at the top of that list is Dixie. *sob*
Well, next weekend her mom is renting her a beachhouse and maybe there I'll get her to let her hair down a little. I doubt it, but it might be nice just to have a girls night (there will be about 6 of us) and just not have to bring the bible into our conversations. I like debate, don't get me wrong, but it gets frustrating when she just refuses to see anything outside of the scope of a book. Sure, it's a big book, but there are plenty of places where it falls short of rationality. Oh well. I know it, and now she knows it, that she and I will just never be close again. And, while it's depressing, I'm ok with that.
Zaniel is being so cute sitting here next to me trying to write songs on his electric. There's just something so genuine about him and us and our relationship that makes me just so sure that we're in it for the long haul. God I love it when he writes songs about me. Liz and I were talking about proposals the other day (because Dixie just got engaged) and I was thinking that when he proposes to me, it should include a song. That would be sweet.
Okay enough daydreaming. I just hope my nighttime dreaming doesn't include a cheating Zaniel!!! Okay goodnight.
I had a replay of what is now officially a reoccuring dream (even if it only reoccured once) in which Brian ends up telling me that Zaniel is cheating on me. With Holly, no less! Dream Zaniel is turning out to be a real dickhead. Which is funny, because, as far as my childhood fantasies, he's a "dream come true", but he better never make my recent dreams come true. I've been cheated on twice so far, once by someone I truly loved, and I can say I never wanna go through that crap again.
So why does Dream Zaniel cheat on me? Or... Dream me, rather. I'm sure it's not a premonition, but it's still really unnerving. And especially with... Holly? Haha... well, that would never ever happen, so I've got nothing to worry about there.
Last night we had some friends over and had a little drinking party. We used our brand new shot glasses :) We went shopping and bought glasses (regular and shot), pretty silverware, matching towels, and other cute bathroom stuff for our apartment yesterday. I'm so excited. We still need alot of stuff, like a vacuum cleaner, pots and pans, and I really want a BIG, nice pepper grinder. Haha. Cuz I loves me some pepper.
Everything is really coming together as far as the apartment in concerned. I just want it to be August 1st! I'm sure I've said that a million times, both on myspace and here, but it's a big step and it'll only happen once (moving in with a boyfriend for the first time). Actually, if all goes as we want it to, it will be the only time. Or at least, he'll be the only guy. After my parents retire they plan on moving somewhere colder (haha... that should be easy), and then we plan on buying their house from them.
Anyway, no more babbling about Zaniel. I just <3 him too much. Nah, there's no such thing as loving a person too much. Well, I guess there is. Haha.
Speaking of old issues, Dixie and I had lunch today for like 4 hours between reminiscing and debating. I won't get into the debating part, except to say that her closemindedness really gets on my nerves, but the reminiscing... was crazy. She found our old notebook, and you can really see the progression of our falling apart as the notes progress. You can really see the point where she starts to get more holier-than-though, and then you can see where we started fighting about Cooper and me taking him back. Not that I blame Cooper for Dixie and I breaking up, it happened for a lot of reasons. And then you get to a point where the writing just stops abruptly (after we "broke up", obviously)
Needless to say, it really made me think. I actually started crying (well, my eyes welled up) when we sort of transitioned from our religious debate to the reminiscing part, because I know that we're never going to be remotely the same. I've known that since she first called me at Christmas, but I hadn't told her that I thought that until just this afternoon. It just makes me sad, because Holly and I aren't best friends anymore by any stretch of the imagination, and Dixie and I will never be that again, and so I'm left with that void, in effect.
Not that I don't have friends, and not that I resent either of them, it's just that I've always enjoyed having that girl that I clicked with indefinitely, and now I don't have anyone filling that place. And it's never the same sort of person, either. My closeness with Dixie was nothing at all like my closeness with Holly, but I still just like to feel that intimacy with another girl. Not that Zaniel's not good enough as a best friend, but there are just certain things that you need a best gal pal for. Like... for being a maid of honor, for instance. Haha, and god knows Amy won't be my maid of honor. She'd probably insist on wearing a tux.
I guess it's better this way. Now I have a chance to find someone new that I can click with on a whole new level. I won't be able to do that with a guy anymore (haha, not that I mind that, trying to find a boyfriend is tough... well, I say that, but really Zaniel just sort of fell into my lap, didn't he?) but anyway... that will be fun. And I'll have a more diverse group to choose from at Rice than I had at HBU. I mean, not that I didn't like the people from HBU, but my list of friends that I can never fully relate to because their first priority is upholding the bible is full to the brim. Not accepting anymore applications. And sitting there right at the top of that list is Dixie. *sob*
Well, next weekend her mom is renting her a beachhouse and maybe there I'll get her to let her hair down a little. I doubt it, but it might be nice just to have a girls night (there will be about 6 of us) and just not have to bring the bible into our conversations. I like debate, don't get me wrong, but it gets frustrating when she just refuses to see anything outside of the scope of a book. Sure, it's a big book, but there are plenty of places where it falls short of rationality. Oh well. I know it, and now she knows it, that she and I will just never be close again. And, while it's depressing, I'm ok with that.
Zaniel is being so cute sitting here next to me trying to write songs on his electric. There's just something so genuine about him and us and our relationship that makes me just so sure that we're in it for the long haul. God I love it when he writes songs about me. Liz and I were talking about proposals the other day (because Dixie just got engaged) and I was thinking that when he proposes to me, it should include a song. That would be sweet.
Okay enough daydreaming. I just hope my nighttime dreaming doesn't include a cheating Zaniel!!! Okay goodnight.