GAH!!

[andiarrhea]

i cant handle this! i feel so far away! i guess mostly from myself, i knew this was gonna be hard being strong through all of this, but i had no idea it would be this bad. there are so many things i want to say, but i dont. i keep them on the inside. where does that go. nowhere. i wish it could be different right now. i wish i wouldnt pretend to be strong and unobservant. i hate it when i'm this stubborn. i know i'm the only one who can change how i am.

why am i so tired.

:(