(no subject)
i think its getting to the point where nothing in my life is going quite according to plans. i havent been making big enough efforts to spend time with my friends, and it doesnt seem that they're making a great effort to call or come over, either. oh well, it's cool that their hearts aren't exactly breaking.
it's harder and harder for me to be interested in the new people im meeting, and it's apparent that they're also not interested in me. sacha thinks im too quirky for most people. well i might be bored but at least im not boring. most of the time.
i start school again on tuesday. another fabulous way to feel spectacularly awkward. (again) sacha thinks school's great and it's fun because all his friends are there. school makes me feel alienated. i always feel so different around people. my aunts and uncle always tell me "wow andi! you must've grown a foot!" and I wonder if its growing out of my forehead or something because is there something repellant about me? i say/do out-of-place things, and i'm not ridiculously rich or good-looking enough to compensate so i suppose i deserve the odd glance (or lack of any such) whenever i enter a room.
i haven't done any course selection yet. all 3 years of formal high school have done nothing but make me incredibly indecisive. i need to hand in my community service hours. I have about four hundred i think but i really can't find my ex-supervisors number and where am i going to find time to wade through all the bureaucracy and get it? i don't know if i should take whichever courses or what I should do. hanna called a few weeks ago to tell me she got a 99.5 or something in all her summer courses (and of course mother me about how much of a loser i am academically). where does she get off being so insensitive to people who aren't her girlfriends?
i used to have a therapist and all she did was tell me i had ADD. she'd prescribe me ritalin or whatever for a stomach-ache (which i've also been getting a lot of recently), ADD this, ADD that, she ADDs more than a calculator.
i have to watch sacha get a haircut tomorrow and plan on somethign to do with the rest of my day preferably involving silvia and helena and sacha and the UCC boys and whoever was planning on going to hani's party but somewhere in that i'm also supposed to mow the lawn, vaccuum, do the dishes, make breakfast and dinner. also, i have to do the drivers written test sometime because i failed it this morning. even if it was just by one question, the big FAILED in capitilized stamp letters pasted over my name was like a bucket of ice in my stomach. its only 10 dollars for the next test but the last cheque i deposited bounced or something and i spent all my money on lunch for my brother when he got back from china so i need to borrow money from mom again. there just isn't time.
there's other stuff bothering me too but i'm not sure i can articulate it so well. to my non existent audience, more to come i promise, i love you all, goodnight.
it's harder and harder for me to be interested in the new people im meeting, and it's apparent that they're also not interested in me. sacha thinks im too quirky for most people. well i might be bored but at least im not boring. most of the time.
i start school again on tuesday. another fabulous way to feel spectacularly awkward. (again) sacha thinks school's great and it's fun because all his friends are there. school makes me feel alienated. i always feel so different around people. my aunts and uncle always tell me "wow andi! you must've grown a foot!" and I wonder if its growing out of my forehead or something because is there something repellant about me? i say/do out-of-place things, and i'm not ridiculously rich or good-looking enough to compensate so i suppose i deserve the odd glance (or lack of any such) whenever i enter a room.
i haven't done any course selection yet. all 3 years of formal high school have done nothing but make me incredibly indecisive. i need to hand in my community service hours. I have about four hundred i think but i really can't find my ex-supervisors number and where am i going to find time to wade through all the bureaucracy and get it? i don't know if i should take whichever courses or what I should do. hanna called a few weeks ago to tell me she got a 99.5 or something in all her summer courses (and of course mother me about how much of a loser i am academically). where does she get off being so insensitive to people who aren't her girlfriends?
i used to have a therapist and all she did was tell me i had ADD. she'd prescribe me ritalin or whatever for a stomach-ache (which i've also been getting a lot of recently), ADD this, ADD that, she ADDs more than a calculator.
i have to watch sacha get a haircut tomorrow and plan on somethign to do with the rest of my day preferably involving silvia and helena and sacha and the UCC boys and whoever was planning on going to hani's party but somewhere in that i'm also supposed to mow the lawn, vaccuum, do the dishes, make breakfast and dinner. also, i have to do the drivers written test sometime because i failed it this morning. even if it was just by one question, the big FAILED in capitilized stamp letters pasted over my name was like a bucket of ice in my stomach. its only 10 dollars for the next test but the last cheque i deposited bounced or something and i spent all my money on lunch for my brother when he got back from china so i need to borrow money from mom again. there just isn't time.
there's other stuff bothering me too but i'm not sure i can articulate it so well. to my non existent audience, more to come i promise, i love you all, goodnight.