these stupid tears....they just wont stay in my eyes

[andi317]

got my hair done today...love it, cut cute and all streaky with blonde, brown, and red. felt guilty (for a split second) as i was getting a hand massage knowing that i have a kazillion other things i could have been doing this morning instead of getting pampered. but some times its when i don't have the time that i need it the most. then went into work, oh so excited...for real no sarcasum there. talked with jessica, started to get alittle more comfortable approaching people, jessica left and all hell broe lose. I feel like an idiot. a failure. everything that could have gone wrong did. and no i am not over exaggerating in the least bit. the credit card machine broke and by the end of the night, the one button that is supposed to always open the cash register...wouldn't open the register. i worked from 5 to 9 on my own and in that amount of time i called alexa 7 times. yup. 7. all of which i wanted to cry and beg and plead for her to come save me. but she couldn't and i knew that. but whoever had the brillaint idea to let me near a register wasn't as smart as they thought they were. in my defense, i really wasn't supposed to work on my own just yet, there were still lots of things i didn't know and i needed more training but there was an emergency. but yeah i still give you permission to think, god she's and idiot because trust me i am saying the same thing. you know what the funny thing is? i liked it. i really liked it. i mean if i could block out the trama of everything going wrong then i would have loved it. so many times i thought damn once i get the hang of this its going to be great...now i am not so sure i am going to get the chance to get the hang of it because if i were angie i would say see ya later! gosh i caused so much extra work for alexa tomorrow morning. i am going to cry. "momma said there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this my momma said...momma said momma said!" she really did tell me that, but i can't help but think GD andrea your so fucking stupid you should have gotten a job, a real job not just daycare, years ago. but instead i am almost 20 fucking years old and can't even handle the simpliest of tasks.

on a happier note, i am happy. i mean overall. jeff loves me, and sings to me infront of everyone and isn't afraid to hold my hand or give me a kiss. you can all laugh at me if i am wrong, although i hope you do know me well enough to know that i don't just say this...never have about any of my other boyfriends but i think i will marry jeff. i'll wait a minute until you stop laughing to explain.............okay, im not saying it is going to happen soon...god it hasn't even been a month yet! but for some reason something feels different with him. i talked to my mom about it and she told me she and my dad were together for 2 years before they got married, but she knew she would marry him very early on.who knows. if i am wrong like i said you all can laugh and then forget about it. but if i am right, damn how cool will it to be able to say "i knew 3 weeks into it you were the one for me." however it has crossed my mind that i am still tramatized from my past relationship that frightenly resemboled hell, and i may have my blinders on right now just because in comparasin, jeff is a saint.

well it's time to end this day. good night.