...found out about you...
i don't even want to write this one, because Chau died... he died on july 6 and i haven't written it in here. it's almost been two months without him and he was one of my pinned texts. i still have his email on my phone because i was his personal damn assistant and i miss you, boss, i miss you so much.
now it's all falling apart and it's all ending. kirstin is leaving. she kind of killed you. you died from heart and blood pressure stuff. there was going to be an audit and there were 30 free kids in camp or something crazy. i told the new guy that and now i wish i hadn't. but also fuck you, all of you, i'm so mad at everyone.
angela is leaving. she was barely there. and people will go with... alex and leigh and roshni and who the hell knows. and the usual people are kicking up a fuss, never satisfied, family dynamics all over the place.
i get the feeling things are going to change. even more. patrick is coming back. as a boss. i think i had something to do with that. i think i shouldn't have meddled but of course... i always forget to w.hy a.m i. t.alking...
we got tattoos. wwcd.
i don't know but i do know it wouldn't have ended like this with you. it would have been an all out party. and now we just gonna drift away.
i miss you so much. you carried me through the pandemic and you don't know it but you were an integral part of my sobriety. the noodles. the rainbow grandpa. the rex shirts. you knew me and got me and you weren't afraid to show everyone you loved them.
you loved them too much. you loved us too much. and it feels like you fucking died for us.
so my chau is gone. and the fam is breaking up. and half the time i am just crying.
and my grandpa is gone. and this was a tough fucking year. and i just sit around wondering who i love is next.
there are just no guarantees. but you were one of them, your stability and your predictability and your unpredictable fucking funny clever minion let's roll jolly joyous self who always knew what to say.
no one has called me dot since july 6 and i am just still so sad. and i wanted to show you the latest revive, and i was going to, but then you didn't come back, and you can't be... revived...?
i'm so tired. and i'm so drained. and i'm so sick of explaining things.
what we had was the right moment, the right time, the right group of people, and it was magical for a while.
it wasn't magical lately. lately, it had been exhausting too.
but it was getting better.
and then it all fell apart after all.
wwcd?