i see that now
Boundaries. Resentment.
If I don’t set boundaries I will be resentful. If I set boundaries I will be anxious and angry. And worried. And exhausted either way.
I know how the argument would go. Honey what are you afraid of? I worry that something will happen. Nothing will happen. You don’t know that. It’ll be fine it’s always been fine. No it hasn’t you forget, the guy stalking me from mercury and my credit score and then we’re fucked. That was a long time ago. It was not that long ago and it was traumatizing. Honey you’re being ridiculous. I’m not ridiculous, shit happens. It’s not gonna happen. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Fine. *stalks off and leaves* *freaks out about fighting*
So I skipped that and just said no. And the same damn thing happened. What is the fucking point? We will never see eye to eye on this one. We have different versions of memories and different standards for sobriety. This is a rift that can’t be healed and I have accepted it and severed things. So I can be the rock. But he will never see it that way. To him it is here and now and you don’t trust me and poor me.
And to me it is you are an irresponsible uncaring entitled adhd riddled human when you decide you want and deserve something.
And you probably think I am an overcautious drama queen because somehow we always do come out the other side, you unscathed and me scarred every time.
So no I don’t want to have the argument again. I want boundaries. I don’t want resentment. And I’m not sure I have a choice.
If I don’t set boundaries I will be resentful. If I set boundaries I will be anxious and angry. And worried. And exhausted either way.
I know how the argument would go. Honey what are you afraid of? I worry that something will happen. Nothing will happen. You don’t know that. It’ll be fine it’s always been fine. No it hasn’t you forget, the guy stalking me from mercury and my credit score and then we’re fucked. That was a long time ago. It was not that long ago and it was traumatizing. Honey you’re being ridiculous. I’m not ridiculous, shit happens. It’s not gonna happen. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Fine. *stalks off and leaves* *freaks out about fighting*
So I skipped that and just said no. And the same damn thing happened. What is the fucking point? We will never see eye to eye on this one. We have different versions of memories and different standards for sobriety. This is a rift that can’t be healed and I have accepted it and severed things. So I can be the rock. But he will never see it that way. To him it is here and now and you don’t trust me and poor me.
And to me it is you are an irresponsible uncaring entitled adhd riddled human when you decide you want and deserve something.
And you probably think I am an overcautious drama queen because somehow we always do come out the other side, you unscathed and me scarred every time.
So no I don’t want to have the argument again. I want boundaries. I don’t want resentment. And I’m not sure I have a choice.