wait until the smoke clears...
They discontinued my Smokeys and I’m gonna run out in a couple weeks... so I’m panicking and want to die and then try to ignore it... But I get real upset when I think about it... it ruins everything.
And when I tell anyone the answer is just haha maybe it’s a sign it’s time to quit. Which just makes me want to do the opposite and makes me angry.
This vape mail ban is stupid and the injustice of it pisses me off too. Makes me get all self-righteous and back-patting of myself for being sober and feeling like the world owes me. Which is unpleasant too. I don’t want to be that way.
I have gotten so used to not walking into a vape shop or 7-11. I became entitled and comfortable. And now I will have to be uncomfortable. And I hate being uncomfortable. I am gonna need god big time for this one. God... you there?
One day at a time, one hour, one step. The dread is the worst. The fear I can’t do it. The anger, self-pity, resentment, frustration is gonna eat me up from the inside and make me unpleasant to deal with. I’m in self-centered and self-obsessed mode.
Need to do what’s next and what’s in front of me. Distracting myself works sometimes but then the letdown is real. I got lucky. Quitting smoking wasn’t that difficult or scary and there wasn’t a due date.
I hate not having choices. I hate discomfort. I hate people. So yeah. Wish me god and wish me luck.
And when I tell anyone the answer is just haha maybe it’s a sign it’s time to quit. Which just makes me want to do the opposite and makes me angry.
This vape mail ban is stupid and the injustice of it pisses me off too. Makes me get all self-righteous and back-patting of myself for being sober and feeling like the world owes me. Which is unpleasant too. I don’t want to be that way.
I have gotten so used to not walking into a vape shop or 7-11. I became entitled and comfortable. And now I will have to be uncomfortable. And I hate being uncomfortable. I am gonna need god big time for this one. God... you there?
One day at a time, one hour, one step. The dread is the worst. The fear I can’t do it. The anger, self-pity, resentment, frustration is gonna eat me up from the inside and make me unpleasant to deal with. I’m in self-centered and self-obsessed mode.
Need to do what’s next and what’s in front of me. Distracting myself works sometimes but then the letdown is real. I got lucky. Quitting smoking wasn’t that difficult or scary and there wasn’t a due date.
I hate not having choices. I hate discomfort. I hate people. So yeah. Wish me god and wish me luck.