Self-Acceptance and Personal Growth
People who have known me will know that I have always been driven with a certain desire and passion for growth, in no small part stemming originally for my dissatisfaction with who I was. Over time, I've become more accepting of myself, but that hasn't changed my deep desire to grow, to develop, and to find my greatest potential. Yet one of the questions which troubled me in my youth, and still does to a lesser extent until lately, was the idea that if I became too comfortable with who I was, I would stop improving. Is the answer compromise between the static(what I am now) and the dynamic(what I want to be), or is the something more profound?
A Linear Life
The idea that self-acceptance is incompatible with growth is compelling because it is logical in the simple linear form of comparison. If I am to be better tomorrow, then I must be a worse today. If I make more money tomorrow, then I must be making less today. By defining the future as a point higher than the present, then the present by definition, must be a point lower.
The difficulty in this is that not only is it very depressing and by its very nature, denigrating to oneself, but it also requires constant outside success, without considering the fact that setbacks are an inevitable point of life. No success is constant. By adhering to such a linear form of thought, I became very easily discouraged. The irony is not lost on me. By seeking to change my life based on constants outside of my control, I became a victim of circumstance.
In the end, such thinking encourages complacency - to stick with what is safe and what is known. It encourages acceptance not of oneself, but of one's situation. It is a cowardly way of living life.
A True North
The better way to self-acceptance is to accept something deep down within our souls, something all but inviolate and untouchable by the world: unconditional love, genuine care, passion for beauty - whatever it is, it is something that must be deep down inside for each of us. Steve Pavlina, in his blog, calls it a "pure concept". Stephen Covey, who wrote about it in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People called it a "true north."
It is one those principles about myself which I can ultimately build my esteem around, inviolate from the world or its effects. Pavlina wrote of a genuine desire to do good in the world - accepting that in oneself, one can do the same whether one is a pauper or millionaire. Understanding the concept of a true north was something of an epiphany for me - it allowed me to define myself and embrace myself for something that was truly my essence, as opposed to the ultimately temporary positions in life that I may or may not have.
Strength and Weakness
But what is my true north? I've struggled with the thought. I have been a good listener, more than just understanding and perhaps more than willing to sacrifice myself to be able to make others happy. I've always considered this a weakness, because it has allowed me to be taken advantage of before - not just once, but several times.
But it is also a strength. Like most weaknesses and vulnerability, it also is a quality and that part I have not really acknowledged enough until now. If nothing else, I can say this about myself and believe every single word: I always been well-intentioned with a good heart and a genuine desire to make others happy.
In knowing this, it gives me strength. It gives me a realization that for all else I may wish to change about myself, that innate part of me is beautiful, is wonderful, and is more than worth treasuring. And that part of me will never, no matter what.
A Linear Life
The idea that self-acceptance is incompatible with growth is compelling because it is logical in the simple linear form of comparison. If I am to be better tomorrow, then I must be a worse today. If I make more money tomorrow, then I must be making less today. By defining the future as a point higher than the present, then the present by definition, must be a point lower.
The difficulty in this is that not only is it very depressing and by its very nature, denigrating to oneself, but it also requires constant outside success, without considering the fact that setbacks are an inevitable point of life. No success is constant. By adhering to such a linear form of thought, I became very easily discouraged. The irony is not lost on me. By seeking to change my life based on constants outside of my control, I became a victim of circumstance.
In the end, such thinking encourages complacency - to stick with what is safe and what is known. It encourages acceptance not of oneself, but of one's situation. It is a cowardly way of living life.
A True North
The better way to self-acceptance is to accept something deep down within our souls, something all but inviolate and untouchable by the world: unconditional love, genuine care, passion for beauty - whatever it is, it is something that must be deep down inside for each of us. Steve Pavlina, in his blog, calls it a "pure concept". Stephen Covey, who wrote about it in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People called it a "true north."
It is one those principles about myself which I can ultimately build my esteem around, inviolate from the world or its effects. Pavlina wrote of a genuine desire to do good in the world - accepting that in oneself, one can do the same whether one is a pauper or millionaire. Understanding the concept of a true north was something of an epiphany for me - it allowed me to define myself and embrace myself for something that was truly my essence, as opposed to the ultimately temporary positions in life that I may or may not have.
Strength and Weakness
But what is my true north? I've struggled with the thought. I have been a good listener, more than just understanding and perhaps more than willing to sacrifice myself to be able to make others happy. I've always considered this a weakness, because it has allowed me to be taken advantage of before - not just once, but several times.
But it is also a strength. Like most weaknesses and vulnerability, it also is a quality and that part I have not really acknowledged enough until now. If nothing else, I can say this about myself and believe every single word: I always been well-intentioned with a good heart and a genuine desire to make others happy.
In knowing this, it gives me strength. It gives me a realization that for all else I may wish to change about myself, that innate part of me is beautiful, is wonderful, and is more than worth treasuring. And that part of me will never, no matter what.