Reality, Perception and Me.
More and more, I think that we almost seem to live in entire worlds of our own. Each one of us, in our own universe of understanding and reality, regarding others through our prism of comprehension and only tangentially affected by others.
I don't generally credit others with much malice, even though I'm sure that both you and I have gotten ourselves greatly hurt by people we've only cared for. What I think is that in a way, every separate person has such a completely different outlook that reality is different for each of us: A cupcake for me, is not the same as a cupcake for you, even if the fundamental nature of the cupcake remains unchanged*. And in such, our thoughtlessness and instinct probably hurt as much as any real malice. I realized that in myself, when a girl was telling me how her father was suffering serious cancer. It wasn't a pleasant image for me to imagine, so I generally avoided the topic beyond the basics.
I wonder how often I've felt a need to talk about my own difficulties, my pains and my trials - but was snubbed because more often than not, sadness is just something that is unpleasant to hear about. We are such a success-orientated culture that as much as possible, we try to cubbyhole 'failures' into some convenient and obscure corner away from our thoughts, without realizing the important that such failures have in building our character and indeed, building our successes.
It has helped me, I think, understand much of what I went through and what I still go through at times. The proverb goes, "I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." My ability to influence the world is limited, but I do think that I can at least control myself and protect myself. Not everybody understands this. At least once I've seen people who become angry at me for having the emotional borders I set up, or even for feeling the way I do.
I don't blame them for wanting to wish away anything unpleasant. But with maturity has come an awareness that I do own my feelings, right or wrong. And while I may certainly choose to justify them if I so wish, I don't need to. I own my emotions, my past and my choices.
I don't generally credit others with much malice, even though I'm sure that both you and I have gotten ourselves greatly hurt by people we've only cared for. What I think is that in a way, every separate person has such a completely different outlook that reality is different for each of us: A cupcake for me, is not the same as a cupcake for you, even if the fundamental nature of the cupcake remains unchanged*. And in such, our thoughtlessness and instinct probably hurt as much as any real malice. I realized that in myself, when a girl was telling me how her father was suffering serious cancer. It wasn't a pleasant image for me to imagine, so I generally avoided the topic beyond the basics.
I wonder how often I've felt a need to talk about my own difficulties, my pains and my trials - but was snubbed because more often than not, sadness is just something that is unpleasant to hear about. We are such a success-orientated culture that as much as possible, we try to cubbyhole 'failures' into some convenient and obscure corner away from our thoughts, without realizing the important that such failures have in building our character and indeed, building our successes.
It has helped me, I think, understand much of what I went through and what I still go through at times. The proverb goes, "I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." My ability to influence the world is limited, but I do think that I can at least control myself and protect myself. Not everybody understands this. At least once I've seen people who become angry at me for having the emotional borders I set up, or even for feeling the way I do.
I don't blame them for wanting to wish away anything unpleasant. But with maturity has come an awareness that I do own my feelings, right or wrong. And while I may certainly choose to justify them if I so wish, I don't need to. I own my emotions, my past and my choices.