Operator defect
Philip Larkin said, "Life is first fear, then boredom."
I can say with certainty that I am in the second phase. I am always occupied with something, but I always feel like I am killing time. Most people kill time as a prelude to an anticipated event...what is my anticipated event? Death? All I can think to do is read and play trite mind games all day. I spend most of my day working. But some other part of me actually works while I talk to myself. Usually I add "anal" to the beginning of all the car names I see while I'm driving around (Anal pathfinder, anal ranger, anal passport, anal excursion, anal rabbit...etc.). Sometimes I sing oldies in funny voices. Sometimes I sing a medley of commercials with phone number jingles (800 588-2300, empiiire! Today!).
I am not singing that old song and dance of, "There is never anything to do." There are plenty of things to do, but I don't feel like doing them. Now I see why I did all those drugs everyday for so long. Of course, it is sobering to become cognizant of the fact that drugs can't help you escape the idleness of life, and they make all of your money disappear. I should look into those other drugs prescribed by doctors that make you happy. Cause I mean, if you aren't happy, you must be sick, right?
I can say with certainty that I am in the second phase. I am always occupied with something, but I always feel like I am killing time. Most people kill time as a prelude to an anticipated event...what is my anticipated event? Death? All I can think to do is read and play trite mind games all day. I spend most of my day working. But some other part of me actually works while I talk to myself. Usually I add "anal" to the beginning of all the car names I see while I'm driving around (Anal pathfinder, anal ranger, anal passport, anal excursion, anal rabbit...etc.). Sometimes I sing oldies in funny voices. Sometimes I sing a medley of commercials with phone number jingles (800 588-2300, empiiire! Today!).
I am not singing that old song and dance of, "There is never anything to do." There are plenty of things to do, but I don't feel like doing them. Now I see why I did all those drugs everyday for so long. Of course, it is sobering to become cognizant of the fact that drugs can't help you escape the idleness of life, and they make all of your money disappear. I should look into those other drugs prescribed by doctors that make you happy. Cause I mean, if you aren't happy, you must be sick, right?