There is a light that never goes out...
There comes a point in every young person’s life where they must sit back and take a real good look at where they are; look at where they are heading. This moment will come at different times for different people. For myself, this moment is now, and I am so scared. I’ve lived an ignorant life. I don’t care about anything. I have worries, but they don’t affect me. I am naïve in my thinking that everything will turn out okay. Thing’s are never ever okay, have never been okay, and will never be okay.
Recently I’ve dived head first into one of the biggest decisions I could possibly make at this point in my life. That decision is to move to Cleveland. I am not sure how good of a decision this is, yet I am confident that I will learn from it no matter what. While Cleveland isn’t necessarily far from Akron, it is still a trek to get there. I feel like I may be alienating my best friends, and I hope that they don’t forget that I’m not too far away, and will visit me. I will make new friends that live near me, but they won’t ever be the same as the people I love here. I will do my part as well. I will come to Akron as much as my time and money will permit me to.
A major factor contributing to my cold feet are my current finances. I am by no means broke, but I see myself going broke by the end of the month. I have so many bills and debts right now. I have credit card bill collectors calling. Granted, I only owe my credit card bill $10 I have still not paid it. I am a procrastinator; living on the thought that things will not affect me. The end of the school year is coming up. My vocational school is demanding payment of $170 for their services (which I found no use in) and my home school has an $80 “senior dues” fee. I do not understand why I must pay so much in order to graduate, but it is definitely another setback as far as finances. My Sprint cell-phone bill is sitting in front of me. I am so scared to open it, but I will open it as I type this. $99 is to be paid by May 23. I’m really hoping that my next paycheck will cover all of my expenses.
Today we looked at our actual apartment that we will be moving to. It is a really nice place, and I am so excited to be able to go somewhere like that. The manager that we have been dealing with is kind of an unpleasant person. I don’t think he is happy with me because I am an “undergraduate student.” Apparently all undergraduates drink and break stuff all the time. I think he’s just unhappy with me because I have a tattoo. Normal stereotypical rich Jewish guy. I completely blew him out of the water when I told him that I was a teller at a bank and that I don’t drink or do drugs. It’s hard to think that people can be so prejudiced against a person by the way they look.
We signed the lease to the apartment. This means that I am for sure going to be moving. I put down $300 for the security deposit. This is another setback for me, but I guess it is something that has to be done.
I sincerely hope that I have a family that is more than willing to help me out by giving me money for graduating high school. This hope, however, is overshadowed by my current grades. I currently am doing so poorly in all of my classes that I feel hopeless. I am not, however hopeless. I have been working on bringing up my grades since I got my iPod. That thing has honestly saved my academic life for the past two weeks. It helps me zone out of everything going on in the room, and just let me focus on the things I need to focus on - school and music. Secluding yourself is the number one step for success. Maybe this is why I am moving to Cleveland?
I am so confused right now about everything that I just want to bottle up and explode! Yeah, that was a little Elliott Smith for you. I can be scared and still have a sense of humour. It is time for me to buckle down. I did an interview with Nordstrom today. That went insanely quick and seemed to go pretty well. The woman told me that I would most likely be seasonal, but then other people that work there assured me that if I do a good job, then I will be able to end up more than seasonal. I am going to apply at other places as well. As much as I hate it, there is a Sky Bank three minutes from my apartment that I may apply to. I would only have to walk there. That would save me lots of money in gas. Who knows how much I really want to do this though. I think banking is one of the first things that made me want to move in the first place.
I love how a good movie soundtrack can help you concentrate. I know there are more things that I want to say about my whole situation… College, etc., but I am losing patience with myself. I feel like watching a movie, most likely Lost In Translation, and go to bed early tonight.