(no subject)
Oh, honey. I'm so sad that I missed "Talk Like A Pirate Day". I always love my rum! Hope no one got a hangover. -pauses- That sounded insincere. Hope everyone got a hangover! Or at least got liquored up. Oh, honey. Lightweights are so fun. One sip of tequila and they buzz like flies. It's even funnier when you give them candy! -bursts into laughter-
1. Well, honey, I don't even really know how to start this. I don't really like telling people about myself. Except that I'm fabulous, my job's a breeze, and I've got a killer rack.
2. I'm fabulous.
3. My job's a breeze.
4. And I've got a killer rack.
5. And they're real.
6. I drink 32 times more alcohol than French winos.
7. I can hypnotize people with mah boobies!
8. I think the word "Mombasa" is funny. -giggles-
9. People getting injured is funny.
10. I'm better than you.
11. I'd like a martini. Chop, chop!
12. Fat people are really insensitive.
13. Honesty is the best policy! Especially when critiquing someone.
14. Firing people gives me such a rush! It's almost as good as a vibrator. -giggle-
15. I have had four husbands. Uh huh. But I'm single and free as a bird now!
16. My last ex-husband was a big man. And I don't mean personality-wise, honey. The man could be Shamu's big brother.
17. But I love my Stanley. He'll always have a place in my heart.
18. I don't understand why anyone is homeless. Why would you choose to have no money? Idiots.
19. I've been in a porno. But SHHH! Don't tell anyone, okay, honey?
20. I love my Rosie. She's such a sweet girl.
21. My skin is flawless, from my head to my toes.
22. I can tell when you've had sex, with whom, and how many times.
23. I can't name the last time I've been sober.
24. I really don't have an addictive personality.
25. My drag name is ShuShu Fontanna.
26. I'd tell you my alter ego, but I'd have to kill you.
27. I'm not good or real. I'm evil and imaginary. Yeah.
28. I enjoy having my bras washed. When I'm still wearing them.
29. I've only apologized twice in my life. Once to my mother (which was court ordered) and a second time to my little Jackie because I hurt his feelings.
30. I like massages.
31. One breast is smaller than the other. But only when it's scared.
32. I almost had an affair, but I didn't!
33. That doesn't mean my husband didn't. The bastard.
34. -giggles- I like kissing girls.
35. And guys.
36. And some I don't know the gender of.
37. My last husband's daughter is the girl who my third husband cheated with. Isn't life just funny...
38. I've humped a tree.
39. And other inanimate objects. -giggles-
40. -giggle- I love stories where men have sex with each other. They're great.
1. Well, honey, I don't even really know how to start this. I don't really like telling people about myself. Except that I'm fabulous, my job's a breeze, and I've got a killer rack.
2. I'm fabulous.
3. My job's a breeze.
4. And I've got a killer rack.
5. And they're real.
6. I drink 32 times more alcohol than French winos.
7. I can hypnotize people with mah boobies!
8. I think the word "Mombasa" is funny. -giggles-
9. People getting injured is funny.
10. I'm better than you.
11. I'd like a martini. Chop, chop!
12. Fat people are really insensitive.
13. Honesty is the best policy! Especially when critiquing someone.
14. Firing people gives me such a rush! It's almost as good as a vibrator. -giggle-
15. I have had four husbands. Uh huh. But I'm single and free as a bird now!
16. My last ex-husband was a big man. And I don't mean personality-wise, honey. The man could be Shamu's big brother.
17. But I love my Stanley. He'll always have a place in my heart.
18. I don't understand why anyone is homeless. Why would you choose to have no money? Idiots.
19. I've been in a porno. But SHHH! Don't tell anyone, okay, honey?
20. I love my Rosie. She's such a sweet girl.
21. My skin is flawless, from my head to my toes.
22. I can tell when you've had sex, with whom, and how many times.
23. I can't name the last time I've been sober.
24. I really don't have an addictive personality.
25. My drag name is ShuShu Fontanna.
26. I'd tell you my alter ego, but I'd have to kill you.
27. I'm not good or real. I'm evil and imaginary. Yeah.
28. I enjoy having my bras washed. When I'm still wearing them.
29. I've only apologized twice in my life. Once to my mother (which was court ordered) and a second time to my little Jackie because I hurt his feelings.
30. I like massages.
31. One breast is smaller than the other. But only when it's scared.
32. I almost had an affair, but I didn't!
33. That doesn't mean my husband didn't. The bastard.
34. -giggles- I like kissing girls.
35. And guys.
36. And some I don't know the gender of.
37. My last husband's daughter is the girl who my third husband cheated with. Isn't life just funny...
38. I've humped a tree.
39. And other inanimate objects. -giggles-
40. -giggle- I love stories where men have sex with each other. They're great.