Modest Proposal.
Ana Benderas writes a "Modest Proposal" from a satirical pro-abortion perspective in the spirit of Jonathan Swift's 1729 original.
This is great. It pretty much covers most of the crazy arguments I have heard.
http://liveaction.org/blog/my-modest-proposal/
Editor’s note: The post is satire and in the inspired form of Jonathan Swift’s original “A Modest Proposal” in 1729. You can read more about that here.
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Thirty and seven years ago, our country made a promise that women in America could have all the abortions we wanted for any reason, during any stage of pregnancy, no questions asked. This was a check that would compensate women for all the centuries of oppression. Thirty-seven years later we have tried to cash in our check but it has been returned to us marked “insufficient funds.” Even though the right to kill our own children has been granted to us by law, the terrorist extremists (namely fundamentalist Christians) keep insisting that abortion is wrong, but it’s only because they want to control us and because they hate women.
These party poopers, after thirty-seven years of our guaranteed legal freedom, continue to impede the cashing of our check; but I refuse to believe that the bank of “Right to Kill Whoever’s in our Way” is bankrupt.
I have a dream. That one day, women all over the world will be free to live our promiscuous lifestyles without having to face the natural consequences of our actions.
I have a dream. That one day little black boys and little black girls and little white boys and little white girls will be able to get murdered in the womb; their every inconvenient limb dismembered; their heart-beating bodies vacuumed and sucked; their developed heads crushed; whatever the method is needed, without those annoying, close-minded, intolerant, hypocritical Christians always judging us.
I have a dream. That one day everybody will stop complaining about the few millions of deaths that have occurred in the womb for reasons like, “I just don’t want to be a parent,” and instead focus on the overwhelming less than 1.7% of abortions that happen because of rape, and use those to justify the remaining millions who die for irresponsible and selfish reasons (which, of course, is deceiving because there is no such thing as selfishness since there is no such thing as right or wrong, and it’s wrong for anyone to say otherwise).
I have a dream. That one day people will stop using biology, physiology, and every scientific discovery that makes it clear that humanity begins at conception and will finally, like us, begin calling fetuses parasites even when it is scientifically incorrect.
I have a dream. And these extreme fundamentalists have turned it into a nightmare because they continue to insist that abortion kills innocent humans and that killing innocent humans is wrong. I mean, yea, they’re humans, of course, but they’re not persons. And, while all persons definitely have rights, we all know that humans don’t (especially when they’re in our way). Because there’s a difference between a human and a person.
This day, I propose that we be allowed to cash in the check that was written to us that beautiful year of ’73 when Jane Roe lied about a rape in order to get her abortion (though the traitor has now joined the other team). I propose that, in addition to the unlimited rights we already have of getting as many abortions as we want, for any or no reason, at any stage of pregnancy, that the government pay for them and use the money of those party pooper Christians who are always bugging us with their subjective morality, which only becomes objective when it benefits and protects me.
I propose that any little girl at any age be allowed to make adult decisions without the knowledge of her parents about the insignificant and non-life-changing issue that is abortion.
I propose that every embryo be required to fill out a “Request to Implant” application approved by women before the embryo implants itself so as not to infringe on the rights of our bodies.
I propose that, since we pro-choice women still aren’t sure of whether fetuses are human or not, and those matters are pretty much “above our pay grade,” that we just go ahead and start killing them anyway in hopes that one day we won’t discover that, oops, they were human after all.
I propose that these annoying anti-choicers be forced to remain respectful and loving while we women, who are the real victims of the natural consequences of our actions, be allowed to cuss, yell, and even hit those morons who should have been aborted.
I propose these things because they are right even though I don’t believe in right and wrong.
I demand these things because I deem myself valuable enough to expect something simply because I am a human and I exist, even though I don’t believe in, or want to talk about, the idea that humans have value or inherent rights (unless of course these inherent rights pertain to me).
It is with great intellectual prowess and moral authority that I make these proposals, hoping that one day everyone will be able to get away with things that are wrong and unjust (unless of course they infringe upon me).
This is great. It pretty much covers most of the crazy arguments I have heard.
http://liveaction.org/blog/my-modest-proposal/
Editor’s note: The post is satire and in the inspired form of Jonathan Swift’s original “A Modest Proposal” in 1729. You can read more about that here.
-------------------
Thirty and seven years ago, our country made a promise that women in America could have all the abortions we wanted for any reason, during any stage of pregnancy, no questions asked. This was a check that would compensate women for all the centuries of oppression. Thirty-seven years later we have tried to cash in our check but it has been returned to us marked “insufficient funds.” Even though the right to kill our own children has been granted to us by law, the terrorist extremists (namely fundamentalist Christians) keep insisting that abortion is wrong, but it’s only because they want to control us and because they hate women.
These party poopers, after thirty-seven years of our guaranteed legal freedom, continue to impede the cashing of our check; but I refuse to believe that the bank of “Right to Kill Whoever’s in our Way” is bankrupt.
I have a dream. That one day, women all over the world will be free to live our promiscuous lifestyles without having to face the natural consequences of our actions.
I have a dream. That one day little black boys and little black girls and little white boys and little white girls will be able to get murdered in the womb; their every inconvenient limb dismembered; their heart-beating bodies vacuumed and sucked; their developed heads crushed; whatever the method is needed, without those annoying, close-minded, intolerant, hypocritical Christians always judging us.
I have a dream. That one day everybody will stop complaining about the few millions of deaths that have occurred in the womb for reasons like, “I just don’t want to be a parent,” and instead focus on the overwhelming less than 1.7% of abortions that happen because of rape, and use those to justify the remaining millions who die for irresponsible and selfish reasons (which, of course, is deceiving because there is no such thing as selfishness since there is no such thing as right or wrong, and it’s wrong for anyone to say otherwise).
I have a dream. That one day people will stop using biology, physiology, and every scientific discovery that makes it clear that humanity begins at conception and will finally, like us, begin calling fetuses parasites even when it is scientifically incorrect.
I have a dream. And these extreme fundamentalists have turned it into a nightmare because they continue to insist that abortion kills innocent humans and that killing innocent humans is wrong. I mean, yea, they’re humans, of course, but they’re not persons. And, while all persons definitely have rights, we all know that humans don’t (especially when they’re in our way). Because there’s a difference between a human and a person.
This day, I propose that we be allowed to cash in the check that was written to us that beautiful year of ’73 when Jane Roe lied about a rape in order to get her abortion (though the traitor has now joined the other team). I propose that, in addition to the unlimited rights we already have of getting as many abortions as we want, for any or no reason, at any stage of pregnancy, that the government pay for them and use the money of those party pooper Christians who are always bugging us with their subjective morality, which only becomes objective when it benefits and protects me.
I propose that any little girl at any age be allowed to make adult decisions without the knowledge of her parents about the insignificant and non-life-changing issue that is abortion.
I propose that every embryo be required to fill out a “Request to Implant” application approved by women before the embryo implants itself so as not to infringe on the rights of our bodies.
I propose that, since we pro-choice women still aren’t sure of whether fetuses are human or not, and those matters are pretty much “above our pay grade,” that we just go ahead and start killing them anyway in hopes that one day we won’t discover that, oops, they were human after all.
I propose that these annoying anti-choicers be forced to remain respectful and loving while we women, who are the real victims of the natural consequences of our actions, be allowed to cuss, yell, and even hit those morons who should have been aborted.
I propose these things because they are right even though I don’t believe in right and wrong.
I demand these things because I deem myself valuable enough to expect something simply because I am a human and I exist, even though I don’t believe in, or want to talk about, the idea that humans have value or inherent rights (unless of course these inherent rights pertain to me).
It is with great intellectual prowess and moral authority that I make these proposals, hoping that one day everyone will be able to get away with things that are wrong and unjust (unless of course they infringe upon me).