im so dumb sometimes!
SO, i havnt written in this in a really long time.. but I have a lot of shit on my mind... I love Ashley a lot.. like seriously, i can see spending the rest of my life with this girl.. which is wierd b/c ive said stupid stuff like that before, but ive never REALLY meant it.. like.. Hawaii and ish, that woulda been cool, but it didnt really stick in my head... it was just in and then out.. but Having a life with Ashley, and growing old with her, and being a family and ish, it means a lot to me.. it scares me to think that it MITE not happen.. ya know? And i scew up a lot.. and i wanna stop.. i wanna be perfect for her.. she has NO faith in me doing that once so ever.. but its true... i hate it a lot. I hate that i hurt her being stupid... i let things influence me that i shouldnt. and thats the truth. I shouldnt care about what my friends wanna do and ish... i mean.. well sometimes but... some decisions i needa make better. just want us to be better... she loves me so much, and she thinks shes just another notch on the belt.. and shes NOT.. shes my life, shes my everything... id kill someone for her.. and thats not a lie... i had a whole life consumed of meaningless, stupid shit... and all of a sudden i have this beautiful person, who herself has made plenty of mistakes, now consuming my life... and its not meaningless and i dont know how to handle it. I dont have to try to love her, I just love her... Its just love.. im in love with her... like woah inlove with her... she makes my head spin and sometimes when im with her i hafta catch my breath b/c im so overwhelmed... and ive fucked up so much, that she doesnt even know it.. she has no idea... and i hate my self for that... I just wanna be perfect for her.. i wanna be all shell ever need... b/c shes all ill ever need.. for the rest of my life, shell be the only person ill want to touch me, or kiss my lips.. b/c thats what feels right... when i kiss people, i have this thing with timing.. and how much and blah blah blah, and when i kiss Ashley it just happens, i dont have to plan NE THING.. and it feels nice. Its just natural.. We're perfect when i think about it... if it wasnt for mistakes we've made and being dumb, we're perfect... we look good together, we make eachother happy, we compliment eachother..and when we cuddle, we just fit perfectly... Ive pretended to love people my whole life, with the exception of two people, and now that ive finally found someone that I TRULY LOVE and that actually loves me back... and shows it.. and lets me know... i love that... and idk.. i have a lot of jumbled thoughts.... and no one will prolly read this.. but.. i just dont wanna be a screw up ne more.. i want all my stupid shit that ive done to just go away and i wanna be perfect for her... thats all i want.. i wanna be her pefect girl friend... that she KNOWS loves her... and that she knows wants to be with her forever...