Maybe It Terrifies Me
This is a volatile environment that one cannot thrive in. Feelings and opinions are closed off by fake performances just to save face and avoid fights. Tension builds beyond breaking points. Snide, hateful remarks muttered from the side of mouths and slurred rebuttals that make no sense. Twisted logic revolved around a next drink or a lost high. I am so sick and tired of this situation. My father can't stand my drunk mother. A negative atmosphere is all I have to look forward to when I come home from school. I can think about is how I can get out, how I can get away from this place I call home. Some days home feels like a warm place where my brother is and there is smoking and joking, inspiration, eating and watching good t.v. but as soon as my siblings are taken out of the equation, home turns into a rocky, cracked road that I am too afraid to step on for fear of breaking loose the gravel and the ground caving in beneath me. It is such a negative environment to be in; my parents only care about themselves. I used to think it was the drink that made them selfish, but now I see it is merely in their nature to be only concerned with their own twisted, fucked up relationship. My dad wants to convince me that my mother is a horrible person and my mother wants to convince me that she can be better. In the end, she gets her way, she will always get her way, no matter how much I fuss, no matter how much I fight, no matter how correct I am in this situation, my piece of fucking shit mother will always get her way and there is nothing I can do about it. And it fucking hurts so bad. My efforts are futile and my life will fucking blow for as long as I am here in this home. I don't know if there will ever be anything that can take away the pain my parents have instilled in me.