Fuck you.

[and2c_hersmile]

Fuck the opportunities, fuck the time of day, fuck 9 am BULLSHIT. I FUCKING hate this. I hate this week. I hate not being home. I want to be HOME. I don't want to do this fucking shit. I don't want to listen. I don't want to deal. I don't want to be this far away from home it's not FAIR.
I didn't want to be the furthest away from home winner. I don't even want to talk to anyone. A part of me just wants to push everything away again and tell the world to go fuck itself. I'm so fucking scared. I'm not ready for this and I feel like no one is going to be here to help me.
And I miss you so fucking much.
And I even miss my dad.
I'm sitting here alone in the dark fucking crying myself to sleep wondering not only when my room mate is getting home but when this is fucking going to get easier not to mention fucking understandable.

Waking up at fucking 9 am sucks. Every fucking day for the next 4 years that'll probably be my life.
And I'm not happy about it.
I'm so alone.
I feel like I'm falling apart and I've no idea what to do.
And no, I don't fucking want the therapist to rape my mind and make me feel better.
I think I missed feeling.
And I miss how it used to be.
I just want to feel secure and I feel none of that.
And no one can help me.
And you did what I told you to.
Thanks for leaving me alone.
Which is the last thing I want from you.