Porkchop sandwiches!
G. I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (B+) - G. I. Joe is a dumb movie. It's brain dead, it's plot is as thin as a paper, its lazily written, has countless flashbacks, and is nothing more then a huge spectacle. A massive, ridiculous film which is essentially a masturbatory gung ho pro American military film. It's essentially EXACTLY what the cartoon and comics were. And I loved every second of it! I knew nothing about G.I. Joe going in. Was never a fan of the cartoon. But I know what the cartoon was. Just a gung ho pro military group. Basically what Team America: Word Police was making fun of. The film is EXACTLY that. It is G.I. Joe, plain and simple. For all the bitching about accelerator suits, the suits amounted to nothing. All the geeks bitching, and the suits appear ONCE in the movie, in what is the films BEST sequence: a massive chase through Paris, which destroys most of the city. It's completely ridiculous, and will leave you smiling and shaking your head at the same time. This movie is nothing more then a live action cartoon. What makes it so entertaining is the linear style of the story and action. It isn't like Transformers 2 which did nothing with itself except through an infinite amount of chaos at the screen in an apparent hope of making your brain explode. The action sequences in this mostly resemble something you see in one of the Star Wars prequels. Huge action set pieces which are fleshed out, but are as big as you can get. The other interesting aspect, ALL the major characters have personality, and their own time to shine. This is a huge cast, with A LOT of villains and a big group of heroes. And nobody gets shafted! All the villains are fleshed out, and are made to be actual threats. They aren't just throw away's. They are an actual menace. And seeing as this is essentially the first of what will be a franchise, the villains still have room to grow. Only by films end do some of them start to fully become who you knew from the cartoon. Most fun to watch was Joseph Gorden-Levitt(the kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun) who plays none other then Cobra Commander. I could never picture that guy as playing someone like Cobra Commander. But he's simply too much fun to watch, playing up the role and clearly having a blast with it. But everyone does good work, and no one winks at the camera. They all know what they are in, and everyone looks like they are having a ball. I actually liked all of the characters! All the heroes, all the vaillians, and I would love to see this grow into a franchise just so I can see more of them.
G.I. Joe is the "Wanted" of this year. A movie that read like trash on paper, looked ridiculous from the trailers, but turned out to be one of the most fun films of the summer. No film is as brain dead and entertaining as this one. It demands nothing of you, and just wants to blow shit up and make you forget life for 2 hours. On that level, it completely succeeds. So in terms of brain dead summer popcorn films, G.I. Joe is one of the best. Take it for what it is, and you'll have a great time watching it. And if you were a fan of the cartoon, you WILL love it. Now who wants a body massage?