Les Vampires
Have you ever laughed so hard at something that you were convinced you pulled something in the process?
Once again, I watched the South Park episode “The Ungroundable.” For those of you not in the know, it’s the episode where vampire kids start taking over the school one student at a time. They dress in clothing they bought from Hot Topic, they drink Clamato to simulate the drinking of blood, and they pretend that they are vampires. This, of course, starts pissing off South Park’s resident Goth Kids, who find themselves having to fight the Vampire Kids over who’s got more inner darkness. I won’t spoil the ending for you, since I want you to go out and watch the episode for yourself. Suffice to say, it made me very happy.
Th reason I’m so entertained by this episode is because, for a short time, I was like those Vampire Kids. I believed I was a vampire, so much so that I would drink small amounts of blood when the opportunity presented itself. I dressed in dark clothing and makeup I purchased from Hot Topic. This was before the Twilight boom, however, before vampire obsession really became vogue. When a fascination with vampires and a penchant for all things macabre was still considered “goth.” I grew out of the blood drinking and the Hot Topic worship (it’s still a good place to buy sexy clothes, if at steep prices ), but I’m still obsessed with vampires and everything macabre. I don’t try as hard to be “goth” as in the past. It just kind of comes naturally now, regardless of my outfits.
I cannot deny my past mistakes, however. I find it very entertaining that I was such a silly person in high school. I was afraid of growing up and getting older, so I clung to the idea that I never would. I thought I would stop aging at twenty years old. I would never die.
It was in my search to find fellow lost souls wandering in darkness that I discovered groups of people that I discovered groups of people that not only believed that they were vampire, but had developed terms for themselves describing their “affliction.” These groups claimed there were three kinds of vampires: Sanguine, Psychic, and Hybrid. Sanguine vampires are those who believe they need to “feed” off of blood, believe that they need to drink it in order to gain energy. Psychic vampires are those who “feed” off of the psychic energy of other people, for the same reason that the Sanguine vampires drink blood. Hybrid vampires are a mixture of the two kinds of vampires. They can “feed” in any way they choose.
These people had an entire vampire culture I never knew existed. I was fascinated. But there was one thing that held me up: they claimed that “immortal vampires” didn’t exist. They said creatures like that were fictional and should not be compared with “real,” mortal vampires.
Magic was real, though. The ability to steal psychic energy from unwitting victims was real. Ghosts, spirits, poltergeists- these were, of course, as real as you or me. But not immortal vampires. Nope. Not a chance.
That’s where they lost me. They embraced everything about vampires, except for the one thing that made them interesting: their immortality! Leeches drink blood. Blind mole rats don’t like the sunlight. Nerds who play online video games are pale. Rabid dogs like biting things. There is nothing special about these actions. The only thing that made vampires special to me was the fact that they were immortal, and these people took it away. They, in a way, took the magic away from vampirism. You can be born a vampire, that I can buy. But you can’t live forever? Screw that.
I did not give up my belief in my own vampirism because of these groups, however. I simply saw them for what they were, and what I would later see inside of myself. I saw sad, lonely people who felt the driving need to be remarkable, to be unique. They had talents (some of them, anyway), but they weren’t talented enough to feel special. So they pretended to be vampires. They were bored with their middle class lifestyles and the privilege that came with it. They wanted to think they were part of something greater. They wanted to think that they were more superior than the people around them, to the assholes that pushed them around and called them names. It wasn’t enough being goth. They had to be the ultimate goth. They had to be the vampire.
They wanted it so badly that they rationalized everything in order for it to fit with their needs, regardless of how intellectually sound it was. People who attacked them for their beliefs were called “intolerant,” or told they simply didn’t “understand.” The so-called vampires had an answer prepared for any and all critiques. Any nonbelievers were shunned.
I decided I would rather be shunned by these lunatics than buy into their bullshit. So I left them alone. They had their ideas about vampires, and I had mine. But there was no doubt in my mind that I was right, and that they were very, very wrong.
The Vampire Kids portrayed in South Park are supposed to satirize the new group of wanna-be vampires that sprouted after the Twilight series became so popular. But they act the same way the fake vampires I discovered acted. They use the same lexicon. Their delusions are just as grand. And seeing them makes me giggle every time.
I want to go up to the new generation of “vampires.” I want to tell them to wait a few years, that they’ll see how silly they’re being after some time has passed. But another part of me wants them to experience the silliness on their own, to make their own mistakes. Some may grow into the self-righteous assholes that attack non-believers and enforce their narrow way of thinking. Most, however, will probably grow out of it and move on, a little better for the experience.
And it’s not like they would listen to me, anyway. Teenagers rarely listen to the voice of reason, especially when that voice is coming from the body of an adult. I sure as hell didn’t listen.
Maybe “The Ungroundable” is bust-a-gut funny only to me. I suppose it helps that I associated with people like that for a time. I’ve seen first-hand what they’re like when they’re around each other, and what happens when you question their beliefs. Matt Stone and Trey Parker certainly did their homework for this episode. They hit the nail right on the freaking head. Touche, boys.
And on that note, I bid you good night. Many dark returns, and all that jazz.
~Mai
“Vampires are actually very spiritual and deep beings, per se.”
Once again, I watched the South Park episode “The Ungroundable.” For those of you not in the know, it’s the episode where vampire kids start taking over the school one student at a time. They dress in clothing they bought from Hot Topic, they drink Clamato to simulate the drinking of blood, and they pretend that they are vampires. This, of course, starts pissing off South Park’s resident Goth Kids, who find themselves having to fight the Vampire Kids over who’s got more inner darkness. I won’t spoil the ending for you, since I want you to go out and watch the episode for yourself. Suffice to say, it made me very happy.
Th reason I’m so entertained by this episode is because, for a short time, I was like those Vampire Kids. I believed I was a vampire, so much so that I would drink small amounts of blood when the opportunity presented itself. I dressed in dark clothing and makeup I purchased from Hot Topic. This was before the Twilight boom, however, before vampire obsession really became vogue. When a fascination with vampires and a penchant for all things macabre was still considered “goth.” I grew out of the blood drinking and the Hot Topic worship (it’s still a good place to buy sexy clothes, if at steep prices ), but I’m still obsessed with vampires and everything macabre. I don’t try as hard to be “goth” as in the past. It just kind of comes naturally now, regardless of my outfits.
I cannot deny my past mistakes, however. I find it very entertaining that I was such a silly person in high school. I was afraid of growing up and getting older, so I clung to the idea that I never would. I thought I would stop aging at twenty years old. I would never die.
It was in my search to find fellow lost souls wandering in darkness that I discovered groups of people that I discovered groups of people that not only believed that they were vampire, but had developed terms for themselves describing their “affliction.” These groups claimed there were three kinds of vampires: Sanguine, Psychic, and Hybrid. Sanguine vampires are those who believe they need to “feed” off of blood, believe that they need to drink it in order to gain energy. Psychic vampires are those who “feed” off of the psychic energy of other people, for the same reason that the Sanguine vampires drink blood. Hybrid vampires are a mixture of the two kinds of vampires. They can “feed” in any way they choose.
These people had an entire vampire culture I never knew existed. I was fascinated. But there was one thing that held me up: they claimed that “immortal vampires” didn’t exist. They said creatures like that were fictional and should not be compared with “real,” mortal vampires.
Magic was real, though. The ability to steal psychic energy from unwitting victims was real. Ghosts, spirits, poltergeists- these were, of course, as real as you or me. But not immortal vampires. Nope. Not a chance.
That’s where they lost me. They embraced everything about vampires, except for the one thing that made them interesting: their immortality! Leeches drink blood. Blind mole rats don’t like the sunlight. Nerds who play online video games are pale. Rabid dogs like biting things. There is nothing special about these actions. The only thing that made vampires special to me was the fact that they were immortal, and these people took it away. They, in a way, took the magic away from vampirism. You can be born a vampire, that I can buy. But you can’t live forever? Screw that.
I did not give up my belief in my own vampirism because of these groups, however. I simply saw them for what they were, and what I would later see inside of myself. I saw sad, lonely people who felt the driving need to be remarkable, to be unique. They had talents (some of them, anyway), but they weren’t talented enough to feel special. So they pretended to be vampires. They were bored with their middle class lifestyles and the privilege that came with it. They wanted to think they were part of something greater. They wanted to think that they were more superior than the people around them, to the assholes that pushed them around and called them names. It wasn’t enough being goth. They had to be the ultimate goth. They had to be the vampire.
They wanted it so badly that they rationalized everything in order for it to fit with their needs, regardless of how intellectually sound it was. People who attacked them for their beliefs were called “intolerant,” or told they simply didn’t “understand.” The so-called vampires had an answer prepared for any and all critiques. Any nonbelievers were shunned.
I decided I would rather be shunned by these lunatics than buy into their bullshit. So I left them alone. They had their ideas about vampires, and I had mine. But there was no doubt in my mind that I was right, and that they were very, very wrong.
The Vampire Kids portrayed in South Park are supposed to satirize the new group of wanna-be vampires that sprouted after the Twilight series became so popular. But they act the same way the fake vampires I discovered acted. They use the same lexicon. Their delusions are just as grand. And seeing them makes me giggle every time.
I want to go up to the new generation of “vampires.” I want to tell them to wait a few years, that they’ll see how silly they’re being after some time has passed. But another part of me wants them to experience the silliness on their own, to make their own mistakes. Some may grow into the self-righteous assholes that attack non-believers and enforce their narrow way of thinking. Most, however, will probably grow out of it and move on, a little better for the experience.
And it’s not like they would listen to me, anyway. Teenagers rarely listen to the voice of reason, especially when that voice is coming from the body of an adult. I sure as hell didn’t listen.
Maybe “The Ungroundable” is bust-a-gut funny only to me. I suppose it helps that I associated with people like that for a time. I’ve seen first-hand what they’re like when they’re around each other, and what happens when you question their beliefs. Matt Stone and Trey Parker certainly did their homework for this episode. They hit the nail right on the freaking head. Touche, boys.
And on that note, I bid you good night. Many dark returns, and all that jazz.
~Mai
“Vampires are actually very spiritual and deep beings, per se.”