God's Monologue
I am sick and tired of this whole human thing. I thought you were a good idea a couple thousand years ago and you just wont go away. I got all the way up to Paul, made him head of the church and thought I would be done with it, but no! You keep calling me, asking for favors, wanting to know the “truth.” I didn’t want this! First of all, my job is to make souls. Every time one of you fucking females poops out another one of those screaming piles of flesh, I have to make a soul for it. It is consuming my entire omnipotent life. This isn’t to say that it is entirely the female’s fault. I have been telling both genders to stop this whole sex thing, but do they listen to me? No! Sometimes I kill off a couple million of you just to keep the noise down.
I stopped “answering” prayers when you killed my son so don’t get any shit through your heads that I like you. However, I will occasionally do something kind of impressive to make sure you know I’m around. However, if you could stop the whole duality thing, I would appreciate it. I don’t “have a purpose,” and I don’t “work in mysterious ways.” I get bored and I fuck with you people.
What I don’t like is people thinking they can fuck with you for me. EX. Your brother tells you he is gay, you pull out a knife and stab him. “This is god’s will,” the fuck that was my will! Did I talk to you? Did we get together over a cup of coffee to discuss my agenda? No, we sure as hell didn’t, you took my D&D manual a step or five too seriously and killed your brother! Why do anything in my name anyway? My name doesn’t mean shit. “YHWH,” that isn’t a name! That is a random collection of letters! Use your own name, please. It will mean a lot more to me, and a lot more to yourself when you get done.
Keep this in mind. I like diversity. It is one of the few enjoyable concepts I have managed to derive from your short, pathetic existences. Don’t kill each other over it. Don’t make everyone the same. It is more annoying then helpful really. Think of this, you have been destroying cultures for the past 900 years, trying to explain to everyone else why I am good. Do you see the paradox? You are destroying (thus killing, maiming, culturally raping) fellow societies, to promote me (a pissed off, entirely unhelpful deity). Get it?
I have a sense of humor. If I didn’t, I wouldn't have you walking upright. No one else walks upright. Do you know why? If one foot slips, you only have one foot left to stand on. If that foot is in the air you are fucked. A deer slips, it will still have three feet on the ground. If I didn’t have a sense of humor I would never have let you pull off the whole “flight” thing. When you begin facilitating your own spectacular deaths I chuckle a bit.
There are about 600 billion of you right? (I never did bother to count) This means a couple of you are dying every second. I have every opportunity in the world (literally) to see you fuckers die. Almost every time one of you has died it was entirely original, especially in the middle of a war. I love crusades, I actually started some of them. I like the evolution of killing. You have gone from sticks and stones to arrows and broad swords to missiles and bullets. I hope you eventually have the balls to use the hydrogen bomb.
To conclude, stop calling me, keep killing eachother, and leave me out of it, or I will send water.
I stopped “answering” prayers when you killed my son so don’t get any shit through your heads that I like you. However, I will occasionally do something kind of impressive to make sure you know I’m around. However, if you could stop the whole duality thing, I would appreciate it. I don’t “have a purpose,” and I don’t “work in mysterious ways.” I get bored and I fuck with you people.
What I don’t like is people thinking they can fuck with you for me. EX. Your brother tells you he is gay, you pull out a knife and stab him. “This is god’s will,” the fuck that was my will! Did I talk to you? Did we get together over a cup of coffee to discuss my agenda? No, we sure as hell didn’t, you took my D&D manual a step or five too seriously and killed your brother! Why do anything in my name anyway? My name doesn’t mean shit. “YHWH,” that isn’t a name! That is a random collection of letters! Use your own name, please. It will mean a lot more to me, and a lot more to yourself when you get done.
Keep this in mind. I like diversity. It is one of the few enjoyable concepts I have managed to derive from your short, pathetic existences. Don’t kill each other over it. Don’t make everyone the same. It is more annoying then helpful really. Think of this, you have been destroying cultures for the past 900 years, trying to explain to everyone else why I am good. Do you see the paradox? You are destroying (thus killing, maiming, culturally raping) fellow societies, to promote me (a pissed off, entirely unhelpful deity). Get it?
I have a sense of humor. If I didn’t, I wouldn't have you walking upright. No one else walks upright. Do you know why? If one foot slips, you only have one foot left to stand on. If that foot is in the air you are fucked. A deer slips, it will still have three feet on the ground. If I didn’t have a sense of humor I would never have let you pull off the whole “flight” thing. When you begin facilitating your own spectacular deaths I chuckle a bit.
There are about 600 billion of you right? (I never did bother to count) This means a couple of you are dying every second. I have every opportunity in the world (literally) to see you fuckers die. Almost every time one of you has died it was entirely original, especially in the middle of a war. I love crusades, I actually started some of them. I like the evolution of killing. You have gone from sticks and stones to arrows and broad swords to missiles and bullets. I hope you eventually have the balls to use the hydrogen bomb.
To conclude, stop calling me, keep killing eachother, and leave me out of it, or I will send water.